Page 86 of Between Desire and Denial

I dreamt of him, moaned for him, whimpered and begged for him. It felt so good having him sliding in and out of me, calling me his.

“My cock belongs in you, Honeybee. You feel how you take me? How you stretch for me?” he told me in my ear. His dick was so huge and rock hard that I had to bend myself over further in the bed as I laid on my side to take all of him.

“You feel so fucking good bare, baby,” he murmured. It sounded so real, felt so real and raw. There was no way it was a dream.

I opened my eyes in a flash. “Dimitri—”

He pumped into me harder, holding my hair. “Take it, Olive. Don’t act like you don’t want it.”

My pussy wanted it. It was practically clenching around him as my ass rocked back to meet his thrust. “You have to stop right at the end.”

“Shut up, baby. Just shut up and take my cock like the good girl who wants me to fuck her like I am.”

How could I stop him? His arm was around my waist, his other hand in my hair, and then he flipped me onto my stomach and thrust into me harder. “I think you want my baby.”

“Dimitri, I don’t,” I told him but the words caught and then I moaned so loud.

“Want me to stop?” His voice was controlled now as he thrust in again.

“You have to. We’re going to be done with each other sooner or later.”

“Not if you’re having my baby, Olive. Not if you’re carrying what’s mine. When youaremine.”

“I can’t. I won’t be good at it.” I felt myself starting to hit my high though, felt myself losing control and toppling off the edge. “Harder, Dimitri. Harder,” I told him because I wasn’t good at denying myself this pleasure. I couldn’t.

“Tell me to stop,” he growled.

And now I was pushing my hips back to meet his just as fast. “Don’t you dare stop. Don’t you freaking dare.”

He came in me hard and then took his time pulling his cock from me afterward. He didn’t let me turn away when he did either.

He took his finger and dragged the come dripping from my pussy back up into me. “Ihopeyou’re fucking pregnant, Honeybee. And I hope you know I’m not letting you go. Not after this investment bullshit is over. And not ever.”

He got out of bed like nothing had changed.

And I really tried to act like nothing had.

Yet, the next day, I woke to him quietly packing up his suitcase, all dressed in his suit and tie while I still laid there wrapped in the plush comforter of our bed. And my heart rebelled at him being gone. Fear snaked through my veins while thoughts of him leaving for good invaded every corner of my mind. Doubt will sneak up on a person and choke out their joy.

He kissed my forehead, brushing those rough hands over my cheek before he murmured, “Should I fold you up in this blanket and take you with me?”

I tried to hold onto the haze of our lovemaking bubble without sounding panicked. “It’d hardly be a work trip then.”

His head tipped slightly like he was considering that. “Even still, sure you don’t want to come?”

The fact that I wanted to follow him around on business trips and make sure he was only with me, that he wouldn’t abandon me, and that I would be the only thing on his mind was enough for me to say, “I can’t. Thesis.” I tucked the blanket under my arms and held up fingers to tick off. “Article. Board meeting prep. Desk delivery.”

“I can take care of all that remotely.” He placed both hands on my pillow and caged me in. “You could come, and we could make a stop to see Kee to tell her—”

With that, I let go of the haze of our lovemaking bubble. It literally popped, and the gravity of the situation spread in the air, making it hard for me to take a deep breath. “No.” I squeezed my eyes shut. “It’s… this is the time to take it slow, right? And you’ll be working most of the time, Dimitri. You have to work, don’t you?” He groaned like a child not wanting to do homework. “Plus, seeing Kee might not be such a good idea.” I looked away, not sure how to broach the subject.

“Still don’t want to tell her a single thing about us?” His forehead fell onto mine.

“Let’s just take it slow.” Or back away from the idea entirely, I thought when I considered the outcome. If I was this fearful of losing him now, I’d end up devastated when this was inevitably over. “No one needs to know right now. We should see how things go before announcing it to our close friends.”

“Because you think it won’t work out?” He shook his head against my skin, and I felt the scruff on his jaw, making me shiver.

“I’m just trying to be cautious.”