Page 115 of Between Desire and Denial

“It is.” He combed a hand through his hair and glanced out at the porch one last time. “Think about how sensitive your body has been. Think about how you were today at the salon—”

“I was just giving her what she deserved. The dye is temporary!” I bit out, feeling the anger swell inside me immediately. I gripped the back of the dining room chair though as I started to think harder about it. I shook my head back and forth. “No. This can’t be happening, I just started taking the pill again.”

“We had two weeks of you not taking it though, right? And pregnancy tests can be accurate as early as ten days after conception, Honeybee. And—”

My stomach rolled. “I’m going to be sick, I think.”

“Exactly. Probably because I put a baby in you.” The man actually smiled wide, and I wanted to smack him.

“This isn’t a joke, Dimitri!”

“Okay, I know. But just—” He cleared the space between us as he strode over and took my hands in his. “Think about it, Olive Monroe. Take the test. If it’s nothing, fine. If it’s everything, the way a baby with you would be for me, then consider it. You make the decision on what you want, of course, but just consider it. Consider the life you want and if I’m in it. If a kid you had with me is in it.”

“The life I want?” I breathed out, a storm of emotions now creating a hurricane within me.

“And me too. Because I want all of my life with you. I want one where I wake up next to you every morning. Where it might be raining outside, but it’s always sunny inside our home withkids running around calling you Mom and me being thankful every day that I get to still call you Honeybee. The one where I’m right about the fact that you’re mine and about the fact that we get to take the chance and enjoy the dance. It’s going to be a good dance, I promise. Because I love you. I’m going to take care of you. Always. Even if you don’t end up wanting kids, I’m going to be here. For you.”

He didn’t hesitate or look away from me while he said the words. The emotions that swirled around inside me stopped, my world stopped, everything stopped. Everything but my heart beating for him.

“Dimitri,” I whispered, “I don’t know if I can do this.” I said it honestly, but he pulled me close to kiss the top of my forehead.

“Take the test, Honeybee. Then we figure it out together.”

“It’s just not possible.

“It is. It lines up. Have you gotten your period?”

“Well no. But… it’s not even time yet, and with you messing with my birth control…”

“Take the test.”

“It wouldn’t even show up,” I whispered.

“Then it will say negative.”

I grabbed the test like I was in a daze as I mumbled, “I can’t have a kid.”

“Why not?”

I spun on him and threw up a hand. “Because I’m not ready! We’re not ready. We just started dating. Some secret society might be causing danger to my family. There are a million reasons.”

“I’mready. I’ll be ready for both of us if you want me to. And I’m going to keep you safe. I promise you that. Take the test, Honeybee. We’ll figure out whatever you want after, okay?”

I walked slowly into the bathroom, carrying the box like it was a bomb, and then I closed the door behind me so I couldtake a breath, so I could center myself while I looked in the mirror. My curls jumped out in every direction, the flower askew in my hair, and my sweater was wrinkled about ten different ways.

I’d been all over the place this summer and couldn’t really even comprehend how I’d gotten here, in a bathroom, about to take a pregnancy test.

Yet, I wasn’t alone. Dimitri stood outside that door patiently waiting. Never did he waver in his support for me. Dimitri was my rock, the man I knew I could see myself with forever, that I’d want my kids to call dad.

That last thought had me wondering if I would be a good enough mother. I’d stood up for myself today, backed by women who supported me. I’d finished the article for Lucille and my thesis was submitted. I was home, and it had somehow brought out the best in me.

I’d deal with whatever it came with.

I took a breath and smiled at myself. A sense of calm washed over me. I opened the box, read the directions, and peed on that stick.

With or without Dimitri, with or without a baby, I would be okay.

My path in life might not have been exactly perfect, but it was mine. I was choosing the right way for me, taking a chance and enjoying the dance.