Page 71 of Between Desire and Denial

On Friday, Dimitri went to the office, and I tried my best not to get nervous about the grill out that night. I also tried my best to stop thinking about him and about how he’d interacted with Knox, how he’d smiled at me after, how he hadn’t stuttered at all about being a father.

I needed to be rational. So, I went back to the dating app.

Me: Sorry I didn’t respond before.

Mr. Perfect: I figured you had moved on, that I’d offended you somehow.

Me: No. I’ve just been busy.

Mr. Perfect: Gotcha. Seeing someone now?

Me: No. I’m not.

Mr. Perfect: You sure? Normally what happens when you stop talking to someone on a dating app.

Me: No one serious.

At least, I was trying to make myself feel that way. I got up to shower and then worked on getting ready for the infamous grill out while he messaged me back.

Mr. Perfect. Tell me about this not-so-serious person. Why isn’t it serious, and how can I make sure we get to that point.

Me: Well, with him, it just can’t be. We’re not compatible. Plus it would ruin friendships.

Mr. Perfect: I highly doubt that, Flower Girl. Highly. I think you’d be compatible with everyone. And you sure it wouldn’t make friendships better?

It was an odd thing to say, but I wasn’t very invested in our conversation at this point anyway. Kee was calling and I answered right away to tell her all about how this grill out was going to be the absolute worst.

“There’s just something about seeing everyone you grew up with and not having a job, a real boyfriend, a freaking path, even,” I said into the phone.

I walked over to the package I’d set on my dresser earlier that day and I opened it up as I listened to Kee. “You have a job.You’re my assistant,” Kee corrected me. “And Dimitri isactinglike your boyfriend in front of everyone, right? I’m still mad I heard about that from him, by the way.”

She knew we were pretending for the sake of Dimitri’s investment. “I know. I’m sorry. It’s been a whirlwind here.”

She sighed. “Well don’t stress yourself out. Just remember, no one knows you’re faking it there. And they don’t have to know.”

“But I know,” I whined because every girl should be able to whine to her best friend about things that shouldn’t matter. It’s what friends were for. “I know I’m destined to live a life of being single.”

“Are we going to mope this whole phone call? You’re talking to guys. You sent me pics of them.”

“I know.” But Mr. Perfect wasn’t giving me the butterflies the way Dimitri did, not that I could tell her that.

“So focus on a couple of those guys.”

I heard Pink yell out from the background, “Oreveryone of the guys.” Then Kee was scolding her, saying I didn’t need to sleep around.

“Well, I am still messaging a guy. So, we’ll see.” I opened the package and stared at the calligraphy pen I pulled from a thin black box. “And I’m starting a new hobby. Calligraphy.”

“Calligraphy?” Kee sounded confused.

“Yeah, I got the ink and the pen. Something my mother used to do.”

“She’s doing calligraphy?” I heard Pink blurt out. “As a hobby? See. She’s bored. She’s filling her time with arts and crafts. She needs men.”

“I do not.” I rolled my eyes and took a moment to hold the pen between my fingers and feel its weight. “My mom used to do it and I figure why not try, right?”

“I didn’t say it was a bad idea,” Pink clarified softly and then chuckled. “I just think you need dick in your life too.”

“Well, maybe Mr. Perfect will provide that.”