Page 59 of Before You Can Blink (Rust Canyon #4)

Jett

March

The beeping was back, and that could only mean one thing.

I was in the hospital. Again.

With my eyes closed, I swallowed, grateful to discover that there wasn’t a tube shoved down my throat. That was the fucking worst.

Lifting my heavy eyelids, I blinked a few times before Daisy came into view, seated in the chair at my bedside.

Weakly, I said, “We have to stop meeting like this.”

Her blue eyes snapped up, so full of sadness it about damn near broke my heart. “Not funny.”

“Sorry,” I mumbled, reaching for her hand.

Even though I wasn’t feeling any pain, that wasn’t an indication as to whether I was post-op or not. The good meds made it so I wouldn’t be able to tell the difference, for a few days at least, and then it was gonna hurt like a bitch .

“They already open me up, or do I still have that whole process to look forward to?”

Daisy shook her head. “No surgery.”

Well, that was a pleasant surprise. I could get on board with that.

“Who knew those two words could sound like heaven?”

That’s when she burst into tears, and confusion stole over me.

“Daze, what’s wrong?”

She opened her mouth to speak, but only a strangled squeak came out.

Unable to pull her into my arms to comfort her in my current situation, I fumbled around until my hand closed around the remote and I hit the call button.

Within minutes, a nurse with a kind smile walked in, and when she caught Daisy crying, she offered her a box of tissues.

Then, she rounded the edge of the bed to check my vitals.

“How are you feeling, Mr. Sullivan?”

“Fuck how I’m feeling,” I groused. “I want some damn answers.”

“Of course.” She ducked her head. “I’ll page your doctor and let him know you’re awake.”

“Great.” The word came out on an aggravated sigh. I already knew whatever he had to tell me wouldn’t be good, judging from Daisy’s reaction.

The minute the nurse was gone, I asked my wife, “It’s bad this time, isn’t it?”

Lips folding inward, she nodded. “Yeah.”

There wasn’t much time to sit on that before Dr. Terrier, who had become my permanent cardiologist after my first heart attack, entered the room, holding the tablet that seemed like a permanent fixture in his hands.

One look at the grim set of his face told me everything I needed to know, so before he could utter a single word, I demanded, “Just shoot me straight, Doc. ”

Nodding, he did just that. “There’s no easy way to say this, Jett. We’ve reached the point where you need a transplant.”

I huffed out a wry laugh. “Can’t imagine those are too easy to come by for an old man like me.”

“Unfortunately, not,” he agreed.

“So, um—” My voice cracked, but I pressed on. “How long do I have?”

“Hard to say. Could be weeks, maybe a couple of months if you’re lucky.”

It was a hard pill to swallow, knowing the end was near, but there wasn’t much I could do about it. At least I was being given a warning, so I would be able to say my goodbyes properly. Neither of my parents had been that lucky—or Murph, for that matter.

Dr. Terrier tapped on his tablet. “There are a few hospices I usually recommend—”

“No,” I cut him off. “I’m going home. Today.”

He shifted uncomfortably. “I would strongly advise against it.”

“Advise all you want, but if I’m going out, it’s going to be on my own terms. In the house that I built for my family with my own two hands, surrounded by the people I love.”

“Jett,” Daisy whimpered my name, squeezing my hand so tight I swore she was about to cut off circulation.

The doctor softened. “Of course. Then, might I suggest hiring a home health nurse? Someone who can help manage your end-of-life care, so Daisy is free to be fully present with you in your final days.”

“Sure.” If it took the burden off Daisy, agreeing was a no-brainer.

“All right. I’ll make a few calls and get to work on your discharge.”

“Thank you.” I extended my free hand to shake his.

Sliding his palm against mine, he smiled sadly. “Wish I could’ve done more. ”

“You did all you could. Gave me extra years I wouldn’t have had with my loved ones otherwise, and for that, I’ll always be grateful.”

There wasn’t anything left to say, so he left the room without another word.

Patting the mattress, I turned to my wife and commanded, “Might as well climb on up here.”

She hesitated for only half a second before obeying, curling into my side, her head coming to rest atop my chest.

“I’m not ready to let you go,” she said so softly, I almost didn’t hear her.

“I know.” I stroked down the length of her hair. “But we’ve known this was coming for a while, and it’s finally here.”

“Doesn’t mean I have to like it.”

“Hell, I don’t like it, Daze, but I’ll be damned if I waste any of the time I have left wishing things could be different.

Instead, I want to spend every minute I can with you and the kids, and all those grandbabies that are almost grown themselves.

I want to soak up every bit of their love—your love—so I can take it with me when I pass on to the other side. ”

The warmth of her tears soaked through the fabric of my hospital gown, and she sniffled. “How do you cram a lifetime of love into only a few weeks?”

“You don’t. We can’t go back, only forward.” I tipped her chin up so I could look into her pretty blue eyes when I confessed, “I’ve been on a lot of crazy rides in my life, but the one I got to experience with you? That was the best one.”

Lower lip trembling as twin tears streaked down her face, she whispered, “I love you, Jett.”

Giving her the softest kiss, I murmured against her soft skin, “Love you more than this life and the next, Daze. ”

And I meant it. Even when the hourglass ran out of sand, signaling the end of my time here on earth, I would never stop loving her.

April

I could hear the call of death. It got louder with each passing day.

I didn’t have much longer.

As much as it pained me to do so, I explained to Daisy that I could feel myself fading, and it was time for me to say my final goodbyes.

Most days, it was a revolving door of visitors, with my family taking turns checking in on me, but today would be different.

Propped up on a pile of pillows in bed, I heard footsteps on the stairs and wondered which of my loved ones would get the first of my farewells.

The smile that split my face couldn’t be contained when Paisley rounded the corner and entered the room.

“Hey, princess.”

My beautiful, blonde granddaughter tried so hard to be brave but lost the fight against the sob that rolled up from her chest.

“Papa,” she whispered the name she hadn’t called me since she was a little girl. “I don’t want you to go.”

“I know, darlin’. I wish I could stay, but God’s calling me home, and He’s one man you can’t say no to.” Opening my arms, I beckoned, “Come here. Give me a good squeeze.”

In a flash, she crossed the room, burrowing her face in my chest as she wept. I held her tight, memorizing this moment and praying like hell that I would get to watch what she made of her life after I was gone.

“I love you, Paisley.” My voice came out gruff as I battled with my own emotions .

“I’ll love you forever,” she vowed, sniffling as she pulled away.

I cupped her cheek. “You always were the best at keeping promises.” Stroking my thumb over her soft cheek, I jerked my head toward the door. “Go send the next one up.”

She couldn’t resist another quick hug before leaving, and the minute she was out of sight, my heart twisted knowing that would be the last time I ever saw her—at least, on this side of Heaven.

Next came Cash. He might have gotten his mama’s blond hair, but he was built strong like his daddy. The young ladies of Rust Canyon were in real trouble because that boy was a heartbreaker.

Unlike his sister, he kept his composure, assuring me that the ranch would be in good hands, and that he planned to work alongside Tripp—and his younger brother, Sawyer, if that’s what he wanted—until it was time to take over at the helm.

Like his father, he’d been raised for this, so I made sure to tell him it wouldn’t let me down if he wanted to do something else with his life.

I knew all too well how heavy the weight of responsibility could be, and I wanted my grandchildren to be free to chase their dreams.

Instead of a hug, we shared a handshake, man to man. At nineteen, I could already tell he would make a good one.

Cash must’ve tagged in his younger brother, because Sawyer settled into the chair at my bedside.

The two of us shot the shit about football.

As a sophomore, he’d earned the starting quarterback spot for the school’s team and had big dreams of playing for the University of Oklahoma.

I told him if he kept his head on straight and worked hard, I had no doubts he could lead the Sooners to winning a national championship.

Even if he didn’t, I would always be proud of him.

The boy had a strong work ethic, and his sense of loyalty was unmatched .

Then, the baby of the family, Ellie, walked in. Though I suppose she wasn’t much of a baby anymore, having just turned fifteen. It was hard to believe how grown-up they were all getting, and how much more growing up they still had to do.

“El Belle, come sing me a song,” I commanded softly.

Though her eyes were full of unshed tears, she nodded and moved closer.

Perched on the edge of the mattress, her melodic voice filled the room as she sang lyrics she’d written herself.

It struck me how all my grandchildren were talented in their own unique way.

They all had such bright futures ahead of them.

After that came Bentley. He was always the quiet one, the serious one. It wasn’t a stretch to say he took after me in that regard.