Page 24

24

W hen I stared at myself in the mirror this morning, I was beginning to feel self conscious about my body.

Don’t get me wrong, even with how unwell I’ve been up until recently, the idea that my body can transform and grow another human inside me fills me with pride and honour, yet still, before I slipped that satin gown on knowing there was a real possibility Ringo would be seeing me naked tonight, I stared at the swell of my stomach and felt a little… frumpy.

That’s not how I feel now, though. Or before when his hungry gaze ate up every inch of me once he got the fabric off my body.

I don’t really know if I’m sexy, but by God does Ringo make me feel sexy with a single look.

Those dark devouring eyes. The way his tongue darts out to wet his lips. The way his muscles ripple, cording all the way down his arms and into his balled fists like he’s trying to hold himself back.

For some reason, I do that to him.

And then, to have him say that he wants to be the one to have his kid inside me… holy crap, if words could get a woman pregnant and I wasn’t already, I would have immaculately conceived right then and there.

“This isn’t a ruse. Not to me.”

Damn. He really said those words.

Maybe it makes me gullible, but I can’t find it in me to hold back from him anymore.

I know I’m going to get hurt.

I know there’s no world where someone like Ringo can love someone like me and live happily ever after, but I’m not strong enough to deny what my heart wants anymore.

“Eyes on mine,” he demands, two of his thick fingers stretching me as I writhe on his sofa, legs spread, a trickle of sweat rolling between my breasts as his thumb brushes over my clit.

Just like always, my body obeys, my eyes snapping to his as he watches my expression, taking in every slight reaction I try to fight.

“Let go, Angel,” he rasps, curling his fingers inside me which makes my hips thrust closer. “Let me see what my fingers do to you.”

“Can’t… you feel it?” I pant before biting my lip, my lids squeezing tight as the pleasurable pressure builds deep in my core .

“Yeah, I can feel how wet you are, Angel. Already soaking my hand. And fuck, it’s hot. I want to eat your pussy again, so fucking bad, but I also want to stretch you. Make sure you’re ready to take me.”

“Oh my…” I cry out as he adds a third finger, and even though it stings a little, something deep inside me ignites, and my walls shatter.

I start riding his hand, and his gravelly moan has me snapping my hand out, fisting his hair as I drag him closer for a kiss.

It’s wet and sloppy and chaotic, but I’m suddenly ravenous, like I can’t get enough of him inside me and I want more.

“I need your dick,” I admit, any shame I might normally feel absolutely nowhere in sight.

“Soon.” He chuckles against my lips.

I whimper, ripping my lips from his as I thrash my head back against the cushions, but the moment his hand wraps around my throat, I stiffen.

“It’s only me, Angel,” he growls in my ear, not letting up on massaging my g-spot. “You’re safe. Nothing but me worshipping you is happening here.”

I relax, soaking in his words that I know are true.

I’m not back in that nightmare being held down by strong hands, being choked by someone else’s. Being penetrated as I scream for them to stop.

“Do you feel me, Abs? It’s just me and you here. Abbey and Cameron. Angel and Ringo. Just the two of us on our wedding night.”

I nod frantically, prying my lids open, not realising I’d closed them.

The sight of Ringo naked before me is a fantasy I’ve craved for weeks.

With one hand wrapped around my neck, his grip is firm and grounding, and not the least bit menacing. His other hand is between my legs as his fingers and thumb work me from both sides, and his intense dark gaze is locked onto mine.

“I won’t apologise for the dirty fucking things I want to do to you, Angel,” he rasps, his voice gritty and sinful, and unmistakingly mine. “I know those things have been used against you in the most heinous way.” He leans closer, eyes burning into mine. “But I swear to you, what you and I do together, just the two of us, no matter how filthy it is… It’s going to be fucking beautiful.”

I nod, even as tears escape my eyes, the pleasure slowly coming back to me.

“What do you want to do to me?” I dare to ask, but knowing how much I love hearing his voice, so deep and gravelly, saying such filthy things, is exactly what I need.

His lips kick up on one side as he leans closer and breathes his words over my lips.

“I want to make you come so many times, that you’re dripping with your own juices,” he growls, and I whimper with so much need I can barely stand it. “Then, I want to slide my cock inside your tight pussy, and feel you clench around me as I fuck you until I unload my cum so deep in you that it drips out of you for days.”

His words have the desired effect, getting me out of my head and any thoughts that don’t belong in this moment, and put me straight into the most pleasurable erotic scene, where only he and I exist.

“More,” I cry, gripping his shoulders as I gyrate on his hand.

“I want to mark you with my cum, Angel. I want to see it leak from your pussy. I want to paint these plump tits with it.” He cups my breast, flicking his thumb over my straining nipple. “I want to watch it shoot from the eye of my cock onto your tongue and face, until you’re bathed in it.”

I… explode!

His words.

The images they conjured in my head.

His fingers mashing against my g-spot and clit.

They all send me hurtling over the edge.

I think I scream, or close to it anyway, my inner walls pulsing and clenching as I convulse with so much blinding pleasure that I feel like it will never end.

And I really don’t want it to. I want to stay in this ecstasy with Cameron forever.

I’m incoherent for a bit. I don’t know how long, but I start coming back down to Earth when I feel him slip his fingers from inside me, leaving me empty.

I whimper.

“It’s okay, Angel. I’m about to fill you up again,” he rasps, and I feel myself being shifted to the edge of the couch, and I try to blink through the haze to see him. “What colour are you?”

Colour?

I blink, his unwavering gaze finally coming into view.

Oh colour. He wants to know if I’m still alright.

“Green,” I say lazily, and he smiles, right as I feel something nudge my entrance.

“I’m going to fuck you now, Abbey. I’m not going to hurt you, and I’ll stop at any stage if you need me to, but this is happening tonight, and it’s not because we need to consummate the marriage. It’s because I’m fucking aching to feel you wrapped around me. Aching to show you how fucking amazing this can be. Aching to feel you come around my cock.”

My lower lip trembles as my eyes glass over, but I’m not sad or scared right now.

I’m happy.

“I ache for all of that too,” I admit, and his big hand reaches forward, cupping my cheek as he nods.

“Relax for me, Angel. It’s time to let me in.”

I gasp at his words and their meaning, as well as the feel of the head of his dick as it starts to nudge inside me.

He told me it’s time to let him in, and I get the feeling he means more than his dick. It’s like he wants everything inside me.

My baggage.

My pain.

My soul.

And… my heart.

As he feeds his dick in, I stiffen, realising even though his three thick fingers are big, they are no match to the girth of his cock, and a memory that I have worked so hard to bury slams into me without warning.

I stiffen, crying out, the wall of guitars, and the sight of Ringo before me morphing into something else.

I’m no longer in Ringo’s room. I’m in a shed. Walls of tin surrounding me. My bare arse clinging to the leather of an old car bench seat converted into a novelty couch, my arms aching from the way Daniel and Craig hold them to the back of the seat, the weight of their bodies leaning in to pin me in place as Donny rapes me .

He’s too big. Thick. And even the lube he keeps squirting between us so he can slide in and out easier isn’t enough.

I feel myself splitting. Tearing. Grazes slashing me from the inside.

“NO!”

In a flash, the pain is gone, the feeling of being filled disappears, and the tin walls fall away, bringing me back to the present.

Ringo .

A sob lurches from my throat, and I slap my hand over my mouth at the sight of the man I married, standing a few feet away from me like he leaped back quickly.

“Abs,” he breathes, his dark gaze a storm of emotions. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

He moves to pick up his shirt, but I leap up off the couch.

“Please don’t give up on me,” I cry. “Let’s try again. I know I can do this.”

Sympathy washes over his expression as he drops his shirt and steps closer, reaching out to cup my face.

“Angel. You’re not ready. We don’t have to do this tonight.”

“Yes, we do.” I practically stomp my foot. “Don’t you get it? If I don’t do this, then they win. Every single time I get triggered it means they win, and I want my fucking life back!”

Ringo’s expression softens, his other hand coming up to cup the other side of my face as he tilts my head back so I have no choice but to look into his eyes.

“I know you want to reclaim that part of yourself, Angel, but when we come together, I want it to be for no other reason but because we need each other.”

“You don’t think I need you? You don’t think I want you?” I shove him back and his hands fall away. “I came to you last night aching . I’ve never done that before with anyone. Never so boldly put myself out there. And sure, I could have taken a cold shower and tried to douse the flames, but I didn’t want to, because the thing is, I only feel this way around you .”

I spin, tugging at the hair elastic in my hair, sick of having the tight pull of my ponytail making my head ache, and I toss the hair tie to the carpet, discarding it as I spin back to face Ringo, my strands whipping my face.

“Maybe hormones are playing a part in this insatiable hunger I have, but it’s not even an issue until I start thinking about you. Until I see you. Until I hear your voice, or smell your intoxicating scent. So while I might have the need to get over this hurdle in the hopes my fucking head stops taking me back to scenes that make me want to DIE!” I scream the last word as I slap the side of my head in frustration as angry tears burst free. “It’s my heart that fucking craves you Cameron. It’s my heart that wants to be so impossibly close to you that I want to crawl under your skin because I don’t know any other way to be closer.”

I slap my chest this time, not even caring that I’m standing before him completely naked, my baby bump probably making me look ridiculous.

“The ache I have isn’t just between my legs when it comes to you, Cam. It’s in here. My heart . The thing I never thought would be whole again. So when I’m acting all bloody crazy like I am now, it’s only because I don’t know how else to make you understand that all I need right now is you .”

Dragging his gaze from me, Ringo drops his eyes to the floor between us as he rakes his hand through his hair .

“I’m sorry, Abs. I feel like I’ve been fucking this up all day.”

When his eyes meet mine again, I see the uncertainty in them, and I worry my lip, my teeth digging deep.

“Tell me what you need.”

“You.” I answer easily. “I just want you, in every way.”

His gaze drops down my bare flesh then, raking over my breasts and my swollen stomach before flicking back up to my glassy eyes.

“I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You won’t.”

“But I did.”

I shake my head, not knowing how to make him understand. “I don’t think you did. I think it was in here.” I stab my finger to my temple. “I went somewhere else.”

He nods. “I’m going to need to know where you went.”

I gulp. “Do you really need to know?”

“If we want this to work, I need to know some details so I know what not to do.”

I stare at him for a long moment, more pesky tears burning the backs of my eyes, but I bat at the one that escapes, taking in a deep breath as I fight the rest off.

“This should be sexy. Erotic. Loving.” I gesture between us. “Talking about that stuff isn’t any of those things.”

“I know, and I honestly don’t think we’ll have to do this every time, Angel. It might just be because it’s the first time. You took my fingers so well. And my tongue. But I’m guessing the biggest weapon they used against you was their pricks, so while this isn’t ideal, it’s important we get this right.”

I don’t want to tell him that Donny’s prick was really big, kind of like his. He doesn’t need to know that, right?

“Okay.” I concede as I start to tremble. “What do you need to know?”

“What was it exactly that happened that took you out of what we were sharing and into a memory?”

I gulp, shame coursing through me as my eyes dart to the floor.

“Eyes up,” he demands, and yep, you guessed it, my eyes shoot straight back to his. “Answer me, Angel.”

“It was when you were… ummm… going in. It, like, stung and then…”

He nods. “The pain of it took you back. What was happening in your memory?”

“I was being held to a bench seat. Daniel and Craig on each arm, and Donny he was…” I can’t help it, my gaze drops to the floor again. “Donny was penetrating me.”

The last bit is a whisper, but given the way his fists ball at his sides, I know he heard me.

“Right, so you were in a similar position then. Just without being held down. But it was the pain that took you to that memory, so I’m guessing he was being rough?”

I nod, still not willing to look him in the eyes right now.

“He was hard, and the lube he put… you know between my legs… wasn’t enough. I felt myself splitting and…” I shake my head, nausea starting to roll my stomach.

“Besides the fact that you would have been tense and not enjoying a second of what they were doing, the splitting part… Angel… I need to know. Was he big?”

Blowing out a shuddering breath, I nod, staring at Ringo’s feet.

There’ s a dusting of dark hair on top of his feet and toes. I used to think stuff like that was gross, but now, on Ringo, I love it. I wonder what it would feel like?

“Abbey.” My name falling from his lips has my attention snapping up to his. “Let’s try this a different way.”

Gesturing to the armchair, he takes my hand and leads me over, before he sits and urges me to straddle him.

Even though I’m trembling, just having him touch me has me starting to relax despite the fact that straddling him opens me right up.

Reaching out, Ringo brushes my hair behind my ear, his gaze dropping between us as mine follows.

“You have the most beautiful tits,” he rasps, and I giggle a little, my grin scaring away my frown.

“Are you a tit man?” I ask and he nods, not an ounce of shame in his eyes as they lock with mine.

“When it comes to you, hell yes. But also, everything about you has me thirsty for you, Angel. I’m not just a tit man. I’m an Abbey man.”

Shaking my head, I can’t hold back my grin.

“I’m a Ringo woman.”

“You’re my wife,” he reminds me with a pleased smile. “So here’s what we’re going to do. I’m going to work you up again, make sure you’re slick and ready, and then, you will be the one to fuck me.”

“What?” My brows shoot high.

“You can be in control, Angel. Just like that night at the Western when I gave you my hand. Tonight, I’ll give you my cock, and you will take what you need.”

Oh…

Why is he so patient with me? So accommodating for my trauma?

“Will it still feel good for you?”

His grin spreads wide. “Fucking oath it will, Angel. I’ll be inside you. That’s all that I want. You take the reins and ride me.”

My cheeks flush even as I nod, and the feel of his big palms grazing down my back, stopping at the globes of my butt, has sparks of electricity zapping in their path.

“Fuck, Angel. I love having you like this. Completely naked. Letting me see all of you.”

“I feel kinda fat,” I admit, and he chuckles.

“Ain’t nothing fat about you.” He leans in closer, pressing his lips to mine briefly. “Besides, there’s nothing wrong with a woman with some meat on her bones. And there’s especially nothing more naturally stunning that a woman with child.”

“Did you write songs when you were in your band when you were younger?”

He laughs at my question. “Still think I’m a poet, hey?”

“Poet or a songwriter.” I shrug, and he shakes his head.

“I’m not normally a man of many words, Angel. But for you, I’ve got so much to fucking say.”

I don’t know why that has me smiling so wide, but it does, and I feel his fingers dig into my backside as he closes in to kiss me again.

Before I even know what’s happening, my hands are in his hair, his tongue is in my mouth, and his growing erection is pressing against my nub as our lips devour each other.

We kiss for so long. I don’t remember kissing anyone for this long before, and it has me hot and flustered in no time .

Ringo’s hands wander, one squeezing my butt while the other palms my breast, and when he finally breaks our kiss, he eases me back so his mouth can wrap around my nipple.

I arch into his mouth, familiar flutters of craving building between my legs, and just by this position alone, I know I have a better chance of staying in the moment with him.

He did this for me. Giving me the control, and I think I love him for it.

As I grind on his lap, his fingers shift between us, finding my clit, and a gush of slickness rushes between my legs.

“I’m so ready,” I whimper as I arch into him, my head tipped back as need takes over me.

“I should have asked this before we tried on the couch, but fuck, I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking straight,” he murmurs against my ear, nipping at my lobe as I become ravenous, trying to urge his fingers closer to my opening.

I need him in there.

“Asked what?” I mutter, hardly able to focus on speaking.

“When was the last time anyone was bare inside you?”

I still, my lids flying open, but his fingers start flicking over my clit like they are in a race, and I shudder against him finding it hard to think about anything but what he’s doing to my body.

“Uhhh… Ummm… January,” I manage.

“Good girl,” he praises, slipping one finger inside me.

“Yes, that. I need that. I need you inside me.”

“I will. Just one more uncomfortable question, okay?”

I nod, my lids opening lazily as I stare at him.

“Have you been checked for STI’s since?”

I nod, even though I hate this conversation.

“Yes. It was the one thing my mum insisted on.”

A deep growl reverberates in his throat as anger contorts his face.

He wants to kill my mum. I just know it. And I really think I’d let him if given the chance.

“Let’s fucking forget about those people now, Angel. And just so you know, aside from a blowy I paid a hooker to give me two years ago, I haven’t been with anyone since my ex.”

The old me would have been mortified by what he just said, but the me here and now giggles, nodding, and kind of liking that I’m the one who broke his dry spell.

“Does this feel good?” he asks, one finger inside me and the others assaulting my clit in the best way.

“It would feel better if you were inside me,” I admit, needing more.

“Okay, Angel, but just so you know, I’m going to cum inside you. Fill your sweet cunt to the brim with my seed. I want to know my DNA is mingling with yours and getting absorbed into your body so you know I’m always with you.”

“Oh God.” I nearly climax from his words, but he releases my clit and slips his finger from inside me, simmering my raging pleasure.

“Your turn, Abs.” He shoots me a wink. “Put me inside you. Take what you need.”

I’m so ravenous for him I barely think twice about what happened on the couch before. Rising up on his lap, my gaze drops between my legs to see him gripping his cock, giving it a couple of pumps before letting me take over. I’m glad my baby bump isn’t too big yet or I feel like seeing between my legs might be nearly impossible, and hell, this sight is something else.

“Fuuuck, Angel. The way it feels to have you touch my cock. ”

His words. This position. It has me feeling powerful. In charge. Like this is my show and I can enjoy this without being taken over.

Rising up as far as I can, I line his dick up, his fat tip at my entrance as our eyes lock.

“You want to sink inside me?” I ask him, feeling bold, and his deep growl and the way his hands dart to the arm of the chair and his fingers dig in tells me he’s desperate for it.

Everything about him, about us has me taking the next step, and I slowly insert his girth inside me.

It’s not as stingy as it was before, the bite a lot less, and I guess that’s because I’m not as tense. I’m practically gagging for his dick right now.

Letting go of his shaft, I let my body do the rest, slowly sinking down onto his thick rod, watching his eyes roll into the back of his head as we both moan loudly.

“Oh… my…”

“Colour,” he grits between clenched teeth.

“Green,” I rush out before biting my lip.

The moment I go to rise, his strong hands grip my hips and hold me in place.

“Fuck, Angel. Give me a second,” he pants, clearly struggling with how good this feels. “I haven’t been balls deep in a long time. I don’t want to come just yet.”

I giggle, watching his almost pained expression turn into a smile as he tugs me closer, our chests mashing together.

“Grind on me, Angel. Mash your pretty clit against me and feel how fucking deep my cock hits. ”

Oh man. His words have me about ready to explode again, but I do what he says, rocking back and forth, grinding on him, and feeling him impossibly deep.

It feels amazing. Better than amazing. I don’t think there’s even a word to describe it, and as I grind and he takes it, he presses his forehead to mine, his eyes boring into my soul.

“Tell me you’re close,” he rasps, his finger biting into my hips, and hell this time, I hope they leave marks.

“Yes. So close.”

“That’s good, Abbey. You are so fucking beautiful. Such a good fucking girl for me,” he pants, his filthy mouth adding to my pleasure. “Fuck, I want to come inside you. Mark you with me forever.”

“Yes,” I gasp, grinding and letting his gravelly tone and words catapult me to the edge.

And a grind later, I come hard.

I cry out, feeling his hands gripping my hips, taking over the rhythm as he grinds me back and forth, riding my climax out longer.

Finally a roar bursts from his lips as he comes too, filling me exactly the way he wanted.

It’s honestly the most beautiful moment I’ve ever had, yet also the most overwhelming, and before I even realise what’s happening, I shatter into tears.