Page 25

CHAPTER 25

BLUE'S CLUES

MARGAUX

A bout an hour later, Timmy stomps back into the apartment, agitated and muttering under his breath.

I try to steer the conversation elsewhere, telling him about an idea Alice and I have for a book, and how we might ask Rebecca to do some book art for us.

His reaction is immediate and volatile. “You don’t want me to do the art for your book?” His voice rises, his face twisting into a scowl. “You’re going to write a book with someone else, and have another person do the art?”

“Um… yeah,” I say cautiously. “You don’t do romance art or write. And they both do. And they’re my friends, so….”

He cuts me off, throwing his arms up dramatically. “Fine! You want to hang out with your friend Rebecca this weekend? Go ahead! I’ll jump off cliffs while you do!”

I stare at him, exasperated. “Timmy, do whatever you want. I don’t care.”

He storms out again, slamming the door behind him.

Me:

Oh, he’s threatening to jump off cliffs again. Here we go.

I banned him from cliff jumping bc it’s dangerous, and I just said, ‘Do whatever you want. I don’t caaare.’ I’m mature, I know. I actually am, but he acts like he is 2, so I am like super mature acting like a 4yo.

I also just told him his drug dealer friend was messaging him.

He at least put Pete Davidson on for me bc he knows I enjoy his comedy haha.

Oh, now Timmy is sulking bc I told him you and I are writing a book and Rebecca might do the art. Wait… YOU do art!!!!!

Alice:

And why is he mad? Is he a writer or something?

Me:

Lmao he wants to do all my book art.

Alice:

No.

Not for your and my book.

Me:

Girls only.

Alice:

I mean, you can do what you want. I don't think he's reliable enough to trust with a project I'm involved in.

Just being honest.

I don’t say it, but I feel exactly the same. It’s risky involving Timmy in anything, because I can see him not following through as some form of punishment, a way to sabotage my writing career. Making me dependent on him.

Timmy eventually returns with his water bottle, muttering about how misunderstood he is. Glancing over at the kitchen, I notice the bottle of vodka is conspicuously missing.

Timmy yells from the other side of the room. “I’d never call you a piece of shit or shit on your art!” Then he runs out the door, water bottle in hand, and it beeps shut behind him.

Me:

I don’t trust any of his friends bc they are all super sketchy. All do weird drugs. He stopped.

There’s this one asshole girl who I guess he slept with right before we got together and had before, also. And she wouldn’t stop blowing up his phone when we got together.

He says he’s not into her at all (but clearly was prepared to do whatever).

So clearly I’m not okay with her.

That’s not jealousy, that’s like ‘get the fuck away from my fiancé, you weirdo’.

Alice:

I dunno. He needs to not entertain her at all.

Me:

So I’ve been struggling with that, but she at least moved away.

But then she visited again, and he looked at her Facebook to ‘make sure she wasn’t messaging him and creating a problem.’

Yeah, he’s blocked her now, and she doesn’t know his number.

Alice:

Hahaha what? He doesn't need to look to see that.

Me:

I know, but he’s not smart with social media.

Alice:

Okay, but this one is super basic.

Check your inbox. Is she in it? No?

You just figured out Blue's Clues!

Me:

Hahahaha, I know.

Alice:

Tell him to get better excuses. These are boring.

Me:

So he clicked on her profile and says that’s why she showed up as a shortcut on his FB. But to your earlier question, he doesn’t have many friends and so she is probably the only one who reaches out ,other than someone who wants him to sell drugs for them.

Gosh damn, I am making him sound amazing, aren’t I?!

Alice:

I mean, the truth is the truth.

This is what talking about my ex felt like sometimes.

Me:

But anyway, he has blocked her and not given her his new number, and says he can’t stand her, so he must have been doing the drugs that make you want to bang people you can’t stand.

But it was before I met him to be fair.

Yeah, it’s rough.

Alice:

People only show up in your drop downs if you search for them.

Clicking their profile on FB or messenger won't do it.

Me:

Yeah, he searched her out to see if she messaged.

There is this weird shortcut thing now.

So he said he clicked on her page.

Alice:

I’m too tired to make that face, but… I dunno.

He's on notice from me now.

Me:

But afterward, he has at least blocked her (and told her he couldn’t be friends with her anymore when she went to his house to grab her things).

Alice:

Well, let's hope that's the path he's following!

Me:

I know. I’m not happy about it, but I think he is just being dumb, not dishonest.

The running away tantrum is a bit much.

Number 4 in 24 hours.

Thank you for listening to me. I’m actively processing this.

Not the dumb girl shit.

The running away since we got back from meeting his parents.

But it’s also helpful to get your perspective on that other stuff so I don’t feel as gaslighted as I did before.

Alice:

Ask him to at least try different shoes each time he runs away so he can measure performance.

Me:

He might get paid for comparisons… a sponsorship.

‘The Nikes took me 2 miles and the Reeboks only took me 1.8. Both felt great on the ankles.’

Alice:

You're always welcome to reach out! As soon as I get to my messages, I reply.

Me:

You do, and I appreciate you!! Here for you as well, and I will be here whenever you need, same way x.