Page 18

CHAPTER 18

MANICURE VIBES & SELF-RIGHTEOUS BITCHES

MARGAUX

Me:

It gets more complicated, girl.

I give Alice the full rundown of the original plan for the Montana trip and my fallout with Becky over Timmy’s behavior. The words flow out, a mix of frustration, confusion, and betrayal.

Alice:

Ew, what's her mean girl’s club deal?

Me:

Yes, you get it!!!!!

Alice:

What ‘position’ is she in?

Me:

She’s one of the main people who runs it.

Alice:

‘Sorry your life is in danger, that's just so inconvenient for me today. Throws off my manicure vibes.’

So what position is she in that she doesn't want to be in?

She doesn't want to be in the position of A Supportive Friend?

Me:

Lol, acts like my fiancé wants to ax murder everyone. And he is obviously being nuts, but 1) no, and 2) I was thinking of bringing his dad or mom or brother instead lol.

Alice:

2 is probably a better idea.

Me:

So I am apparently flying there and going to book myself a hotel and just hermit.

Alice:

Dude, don't go at this point unless you actually want to see Montana.

Have a staycation here at home away from his stupid ass.

Me:

And I have friends there who will probably shady meet me. Wtf is this?

I know you would totally shady meet me and I love you.

Alice:

Dude, I'd fucking meet you immediately!

And side-eye homeboy all day.

Me:

Oh yeah, but my cat is at a cat cottage and I went with a friend to Montana one year and it was so cool.

And apparently his siblings are really cool. Timmy even said his brother is going to love me.

Alice:

I'm trying to think of how I would act if you called me and told me you were my brother's girl and he treated you like this.

Me:

Yeah, you’d tell him to chop off his own dick and drown in the sea.

Just wait, girl. I’m going to live tweet you from Montana the whole time.

Alice:

Good.

But I'm genuinely trying to think what I would do. Like, I'd try to be super kind and nice to you because I was worried and keep close to you.

Keep an eye on the whole thing.

Me:

Yeah, I think it’ll probably be fine. If people are dicks, I’ll roll out of there so hard and fast. But the way his parents were like YOU ARE DRUNK to him made me think they’re onto him.

Alice:

Oh, they have to be.

Like there's no way.

That's their kid.

Me:

His dad is so cool. I can’t wait to meet him and his mom seems lovely

Alice:

Aw nice.

Me:

I know. I just can’t get too attached.

That’s my downfall.

Alice:

Yes.

If possible, just remind yourself you're only making friends with them.

Like ‘we can only just be friends, but damn if we can't be some good ones!’

Me:

That’s really great advice.

Usually I bff the mom, which is great at first, and she remembers how many times I’ve been married, and suddenly doesn’t like me as much.

Alice:

And it sounds like I'm just throwing it out there. But you're part of my family if you want to be.

Me:

I’ll take it.

Alice:

Good, I’m keeping you then.

I also get super close to people, especially when stuff is emotional, so I understand.

It’s because I want to help.

Me:

Me too.

And we feel feelings, yeah? Hard.

Alice:

Intensely.

Alice sends a gif of a line from First Wives Club that says, ‘I’m an actress! I have ALL of them!’

I laugh out loud and send her a picture of my upside-down Funko Pops.

Me:

Fiancé turned all my dolls upside down. WTF lol.

I sent the picture to his other brother, too. I’m sure he has bigger fish to fry than his brother being a sickbay.

Dickbag*, not sickbay.

Alice:

TBH "sickbay" also works for a drunk sleeper.

That’s something I did when I was 8.

You're engaged? You said fiancé.

Me:

Yeah, he proposed after a week.

Everybody wants to marry me, it’s whatever lmao.

Alice:

I feel like that's slightly more than whatever.

Me:

I should stop saying yes.

Alice:

Hey, it's your life. Not gonna tell you how to live it and all. But, just giving you a balloon to carry with you that says, “I worry.”

Me:

I love this balloon!

Alice:

I always carry one for myself and now for you, too. I’ll always be here for you.

I try to get Timmy up to pack, but he refuses to budge, clearly irked that I woke him up.

I fill Alice in.

Alice:

You should have left him.

He’s an adult.

Me:

I know. What is wrong with me?

Actually, I know.

Alice:

You want to be loved. That’s normal.

Me:

I lost my uncle last September.

I broke up from a 6-year relationship with no love last Feb.

My work fucked me over in March.

I’m like one of those boats spinning around without oars.

And this fucker insists on meeting me day 1 here while I’m paddling in lunatic circles.

And instead of calming my lunacy, he exacerbated it bc he’s even more of a loony tune than me which is hard brooooo.

Alice:

I'm driving, but that sounds exactly like what happened to me when I met my toxic ex.

I was so swept up in him that our joint mental health issues seemed like a great combo at the time!

I was just going through the motions of life, working a lot, lots of hobbies that take up my time, school on top of that. So I'm with this guy who's nice to me, thinks I'm super gorgeous, and wants to love me, and it was so easy to just to fall into that.

I have a flashback to seeing photos of Alice and her ex together on Facebook. I remember feeling a type of way whenever I’d see them. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but I didn’t like him. He just gave me the creeps.

Me:

Oh, that guy. You and I were not even close, but I had feelings about that guy. Like he wasn’t good for you.

Alice:

You and everyone else, I'm learning!

I sigh as I stare at Timmy’s upside-down Funko Pop prank and listen to his snores. Despite everything, I’m still trying to piece this together. Alice’s messages echo in my mind, a lifeline in a sea of chaos.

The trip to Montana looms imminently, and I can’t tell if it will be the calm before the storm—or the storm itself. Either way, I’ll live-tweet Alice through every absurd moment.

Because at least I know she gets it.