Page 17

Chapter Nine

Julia

V iktor notices my wrist is swollen. There’s no way to hide it.

“What happened?” he asks over the breakfast table. I can tell he has the urge to grab my wrist and inspect it but he doesn’t want to hurt me.

Inessa meets my eyes over the table as she takes a bite of her eggs benedict. She knows that I should tell Viktor the truth about Matteo and Connor but I just can’t seem to get the words out.

“I… accidently smacked my wrist against my door.”

Viktor stares at me blankly. “How does that happen?”

“Uh, you know, I’m not really sure.”

“It looks like bruises on your wrist. Like someone grabbed you. Did someone grab you, Julia? You can tell me. Was it Connor? Because if it was Connor then…”

“Then you’ll kill him?” Matteo wasn’t able to kill him and it’s crushing me. That was supposed to be my chance and Matteo wasn’t able to do it. I don’t blame him. I’m sure killing someone as crafty as Connor is not easy. I’m just disappointed.

Viktor hesitates.

“You’d risk upsetting the entire Irish mob if you killed Connor and you know it. So you’re not going to kill him even if he did this,” I say.

“Fine. You’re right. But I would make sure you didn’t marry him.”

But if Viktor does that, then Connor will tell Viktor everything about me and Matteo. I need to keep Matteo a secret for a little while longer.

“Connor didn’t do this,” I lie.

His eyes narrow. “Then who did?”

“No one. I told you. I accidently hit it on my door.”

“It looks like finger marks on your skin, Julia. I’m not stupid. Someone did that to you. Tell me who and I’ll handle it. No one gets to hurt my sister.”

Connor, Inessa mouths to me. Tell him .

Subtly, I shake my head. I’m just hoping that Matteo can kill Connor before I have to marry him. That’s all I can hope for at the moment.

“No one did it,” I say, trying to sound as firm as I can. “So please stop asking about it. It’s fine.”

“It doesn’t look fine. It looks swollen. I’m taking you to the hospital at least. Come on.” He stands up.

“You’re not even going to finish your breakfast?”

“No. You’re more important. Let’s go.”

I give Inessa a helpless look and she only shrugs, silently telling me that I need to be honest with Viktor. But when Inessa’s secrets came to light, Viktor rebuffed her. He eventually forgave her but Inessa almost lost her life because of it. I’m scared that something like that could happen to me.

And I’m scared that Matteo might be the one to pay the price.

Right now, all Viktor wants is to bring Dante and Erik down.

If he does that, he’ll leave Matteo alone but if he knows that Matteo’s touched me, he’ll gun for Matteo specifically and I know for a fact that Matteo is not as heavily guarded as Dante and Erik are.

Viktor might actually stand a chance at killing Matteo.

That is something I am not willing to risk.

Turns out my wrist is bruised but not broken, fortunately.

“It should feel better in a few days,” the doctor tells me. “But ice it. It will help.” Her eyes flick over to Viktor, who stands menacingly next to me. “Julia, is it all right if I talk to you in private?”

“No,” Viktor answers for me. “I’m her brother. I am staying right here.”

The doctor sighs. “I was talking to Julia.”

“It’s fine,” I tell Viktor. “Let me talk to her.”

He grumbles under his breath but walks away – though only a few feet so he can continue to glare at the doctor.

“My brother is just overprotective.”

“I have to ask. Did he do this to you?” She nods at my wrist.

I hold it closer to my chest. “No. Trust me. He did not. My brother would never hurt me.”

“Ok. Did someone else do this to you? Because judging from the bruises, someone did this to you.”

“Just some man. Don’t worry. I’m never going to see that man again. But my brother did not do it. I’ll be ok.”

“There are resources that can help.”

“I said I’m fine.” There’s nothing that can help me with Connor, except his death. And while I could have Viktor do it, I’m worried Connor will say something before Viktor can kill him. This is a dangerous game I’m playing.

It’s definitely something this poor doctor cannot help me with.

“I have pamphlets I can give you.”

“I said I’m fine. Can I go now?”

She sighs. “Yes. You’re free to go.”

“Thank you. And I appreciate your help. But I will be fine.”

I just have to hope that I really will be.

“I can’t believe that doctor,” Viktor mutters on the drive home. “Thinking I could have done that to you.”

“Well, you are intimidating. And you do have a tendency to answer for me. I can see why she’d think it.”

He blows out a breath. “I do not. I’ve only ever wanted to protect you.”

“I know, Viktor. I appreciate that. Don’t worry. I told her you didn’t do this. She believed me. I’m fine.”

“I’ve only ever wanted to protect you and you know it. I’ve been raising you since you were five.”

I stare at my older brother and see the weight of the world on his shoulders.

I see the fine lines on his face that he didn’t have just a year ago.

He’s getting closer to forty but I know it’s not because of that.

It’s because this war is slowly killing him and he refuses to stop because of his pride. He’s past listening to me and Inessa.

“I love you,” I tell him.

He glances at me before turning his eyes back to the road. “I love you too.”

“And I would never do anything to hurt you.” I can’t tell him about Matteo but I need him to believe this.

“I know, Julia. I know. Why are you saying this?”

“Because I know you would never do anything to hurt me either. I know you’re just trying your best.”

“But?”

“No but.”

“Really?” He huffs. “Feels like there’s a but there.”

“No but. I just want you to know that I love and appreciate you. You don’t hear it enough but I really do. You’ve been my father and my brother. I know that could not have been easy on you. You mean the world to me. You and Inessa. Always know that.”

“I do. And you and Inessa mean everything to me.”

“Even though you’re plunging us into a war?”

He sighs and his hands grip the steering wheel tighter. “I don’t know what to do.” His voice is weaker than I’ve ever heard it sound. “I’m in too deep to get out now. Dante and Erik will never forgive me.”

“Maybe not. But maybe someday they will.”

“I love your optimism but I don’t believe in it. This war needs to happen. Erik and Dante need to die. It’s as simple as that.”

I wish I could tell Viktor that he doesn’t need this. That he doesn’t need to prove himself to anybody. But I know he won’t listen. My brother will always do what he believes to be the right thing.

So the only thing I can do is place my hand on his and hold on tight.

Matteo calls me late in the night. “I need to see you again. I can’t stop thinking about the other night. My mouth on you.”

I tingle at his words. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it either but I know if we keep doing that, we’re going to enter a place that we cannot get back from.

“I miss you too,” I whisper. “But I’m not sure I can sneak out tonight. Viktor caught me returning and I had to lie. I’m worried I might get caught again.”

“I understand. And I won’t blame you for not leaving. You need to do what’s best for you.”

“And you need to do the same.” I pause, biting my lip. “Matteo, I thought you were going to kill Connor.”

“I tried.” He sighs deeply. “Trust me, I tried. But the fucker got away. But I’ll try again. I just have to find him first. He hasn’t been back to the club since I tried to kill him. Who knows where he is?”

I shiver. He has a good point. Connor could be anywhere, doing anything, and causing chaos. “I just want you to be safe.”

“I want the same thing for you.”

We’re both silent, neither one of us wanting to hang up. I should have the strength to do it but I’m desperate to see Matteo again, despite the risks.

I need to see him. “Ok. I’ll meet you at the same hotel.”

“I’ll book the same room.”

Then we hang up, with plans to meet, despite the dangers.

Sneaking out is not as hard as I thought it would be. Viktor hasn’t doubled his guards. They still take the same break at night, giving me the chance to leave out the back gate.

I don’t feel safe until I reach the hotel room and Matteo opens the door and I see his handsome face. I throw myself into his arms and he holds be back just as tightly.

Neither one of us wants to let go. To let go would be too painful.

It’s Matteo who backs up first. “Let me see you. God, you’re always so beautiful.”

I can’t help but blush. “Thank you.”

His eyes roam over my body and I know the moment he sees my wrist because his eyes darken. “What happened?” Gently, he lifts my wrist up.

“It’s not broken. I went to the hospital. It’s just tender.”

“What happened?”

“Matteo…”

“What happened?”

Lying to my brother has become easy but lying to Matteo? Impossible.

“Connor did it.”

He lets my wrist go and clenches his hands into fists. “That motherfucker. He’s hurting you now?”

“He confronted me about you. He thinks we have something going on. Which we obviously do but…”

“Fuck.” He runs his hand down his face. “I need to kill him. Dante wants him dead so the blood won’t be on your hands.”

“But we both know you really want him dead because of me so in a way, his death will be on my hands.”

“Julia.” Matteo cups my face and I instantly lean into his touch. It’s like a magnet pulling me closer. “Don’t think about it like that. I don’t want you to worry.”

“How can I not worry?”

“I know. But let me handle this. Just take comfort in the fact that Dante wants him dead too. I’m acting on orders.”

I sigh and grip his wrists, anything to bring him in closer. “I’m so scared, Matteo. Anything could happen.”

“And I won’t let it.” His lips find mine before I can even really process what’s happening.

I kiss Matteo back with everything inside of me. All my fear and love and passion. All the built up longing I’ve had in me: longing for adventure, longing for love. Longing for more in my life.