Page 19 of Beautiful Scars: Unshakeable (The Beautiful Scars Duet #2)

Chapter Seventeen

Sunny

My eyes flutter open as early morning light hits my face through the open curtains. I take a minute to simply breathe—to sink into the warmth of the blankets and the men lying next to me.

Z's face is peaceful in sleep. All of his hard lines and edges are softened. His long dark hair falls across his cheek, and my fingers itch to brush it back but I don’t. I don't want to disturb him. Behind me, Levi's arm is heavy across my waist, his soft snores and breath are warm against my neck.

Z shifts slightly, his hand tightening around mine.

The gesture, unconscious as it is, tugs at my heart.

These two men haven't left my side since they found me.

It's been weeks now that they've held me through nightmares, cleaned my wounds, and made sure I eat and drink during the times when all I've wanted to do was to disappear.

I can’t imagine being without them.

The doctor’s been impressed with how quickly I'm healing. All but the worst of the bruises and other injuries are completely gone, but even those have faded. I've been told several times that I'm lucky my ribs were only bruised and not broken.

My fingers are taking the longest. They should be completely healed too, but they're stiff, sore, and difficult to use. The doctor thinks it's because of all the damage from before—the fractures and surgeries. But it's nothing a little time, patience and exercise won't heal. Again, lucky.

Yep, that's me—the lucky, lucky girl.

I stopped taking the pain pills a week ago, but this is the first morning my head feels truly clear. It's the first time in a while I feel like I can string together more than one or two thoughts at a time.

There's a downside to clarity though. It makes reality harder to escape.

Images and sounds flash through my mind at random times and they're impossible to push away—Garrett's hands on my skin, his voice in my ear telling me how worthless I am, how damaged, how no one else could ever want me.

Sometimes the memories of what he did to me in that room, the things he made me do are so vivid that I can't believe I'm not still there.

I know I'm as safe as I can be. Levi and Z both work so hard to make sure I feel that and know I'm not alone. I love them even more for it, but it scares me.

They want to take care of me and have everything be okay. Have me be okay. But I'm not sure that's ever going to happen.

I look at Z's face, studying the strong line of his jaw, the fullness of his lips, his thick lashes. He's so beautiful it hurts my heart. Behind me, Levi's body is solid and warm—like it was specially made to hold me, protect me. They're both so perfect, so strong, so good. And I'm...

Not.

The first tear slides down my cheek before I can blink it away.

Garrett's words echo in my head—"No one’s going to want you now. I’m the only one.

You'll always be mine." More tears follow the first as everything comes crashing back all at once.

And, the phone call—God, they heard everything. Every last thing.

I try to keep still. To cry quietly. They've lost more than enough sleep and time taking care of me.

I don't understand how they can be here with me. To be this close. I'm dirty, used, tainted. There’s no fixing that. What happened isn't something that can be erased or scrubbed away. I know. I've tried.

Good men like them couldn't possibly want someone like me. Someone else’s broken toy.

Z's face blurs through my tears, my heart aching with how much I love him.

Love them both.

Who would ever choose to be with someone as damaged as me?

No matter what I feel for them, I need to remember that the main, and most likely only, reason I'm here is because of Levi's guilt over the past. He feels obligated to me. Z just happened to get dragged along for the ride.

Ultimately, it’s their sense of duty that ties them to me.

I bite my lip to remain silent while the tears stream down my face.

I'm not worthy of their protection, their care.

I'm nothing. I'm marked and ruined. The evidence of it is written all over my body.

The truth lives inside the scars that cover me.

And no matter what I do to hide them, to cover them, they'll always be there.

They might have pulled me out of that basement, but I don't know if I'll ever really leave it.

I close my eyes, trying to memorize this moment. I want to save it. Tie it up with a ribbon and put it on a shelf in the back of my mind to save for a rainy day. Because soon, I’ll be completely healed. I won't need them as much as I do now. Their obligation to me will end and I'll be alone.

A sob catches in my throat at the thought. I press my face into the pillow to muffle it, but it's too much. I don't want to lose this.

I don't want to lose them.

The thought of being left to exist in this skin—this ugly, marked up skin alone—is unbearable. Every time they leave the room, every moment they're not touching me, he creeps back in. His hands. His voice. His ownership over every inch of me.

I can't do it. I can't go back to that emptiness. To the dark place he lives inside my head, inside my body, inside every breath I take.

I feel Zane's eyes on me before I open mine again, his thumb brushing away tears with a gentleness that makes my chest ache.

"What's wrong, sweet girl?" His whisper cuts through the quiet.

The tenderness in his voice breaks something fragile inside of me. More tears spill over as Garrett's words echo in my head. Dirty. Used. Broken. "How can you even look at me?" My voice cracks. "After what he did... after what you heard."

Behind me, Levi stirs, his arm tightening around my waist as he pulls me even closer to him.

"I'm ruined," I whisper, the words burning my throat. "He made sure of that. Made me his in every way possible." My fingers twist in the sheets. "You both deserve so much better."

The silence stretches, heavy with the words I just spoke.

In the dim light, I study Z's face—the scruff that lines his jaw, those piercing blue eyes that seem to see everything.

Before I can stop myself, I lean forward, pressing my lips to his—a desperate need to both prove myself and stop myself from spiraling any further.

For one perfect moment, his lips are soft against mine and that's all there is. Then he pulls back slowly, his hand gentle but firm on my shoulder, and my stomach drops.

Whatever fragile hope I'd had hidden away shatters. Of course. Of course he doesn't want this. Doesn't want me.

"I understand." I try to pull away, to escape the burning shame, but I'm trapped between them. My voice sounds small, broken. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have..."

The tears come faster now, hot and humiliating.

Every horrible thing Garrett ever said about me feels undeniable, proven now.

I try to sit up, to get away, but my muscles protest and Levi's arm is still around my waist. I can't look at either of them.

Can't bear to see the disgust or worse, the pity, in their eyes.

"Please," I manage, even though I don't even know what I'm begging for. Space maybe. Or for the bed to magically split apart and swallow me whole. Anything to put an end to this moment and soothe the sting of Z's rejection.

I squeeze my eyes shut, waiting for one of them to move, to let me get up and out of here. Or just flat out tell me they’d never want someone as fucked up as I am.

The mattress moves as Levi shifts behind me.

His hands are gentle as he strokes my shoulder.

I keep my eyes squeezed shut, tears leaking from the corners, but I can feel them both looking at me.

My cheeks burn with embarrassment. His fingers brush hair from my face, tucking it behind my ear with tenderness that cracks my heart wide.

"Open your eyes, Angel." His voice is rough with emotion. "Look at me."

I shake my head slightly, as more tears fall. Looking at him means seeing the truth in his eyes. It means facing the reality that I've ruined everything with my desperate need to try and prove I'm not as broken as I really am.

"Please," Levi's voice is soft but insistent. "Sunny."

I turn my head and Levi’s face swims into view as I finally open my eyes, and what I see there steals my breath. There's no disgust, no pity—only a fierce tenderness that makes my heart stutter. “You have to know that isn’t true. Neither of us sees you that way.”

Z's voice is low and gentle as he tilts my chin, bringing my attention to him. "I didn't pull away because I don't want you." His thumb traces my cheek, catching fresh tears. "I pulled away because I want you too much to risk hurting you. You need time to heal."

Fresh tears spill over at his words, but Zane quickly brushes them away. "You're not broken. But you need to be patient. Give yourself time to figure out what you want. What you need."

"But you heard..." I squeeze my eyes shut tight again.

"What we heard was a monster try to destroy you," Levi says fiercely. "But he didn't. You're here. With us. And there's nothing that happened or will happen to ever change how we feel about you. Nothing."

"Nothing," Zane repeats.

"You are wanted Sunny. But not until you're ready," Levi's voice is rough with emotion.

I let his words settle into my skin. They both want to protect me, to give me time to heal. To make sure of my decision. But lying here, night after night, the memories of what happened are too close. They poison every inch of my body, inside and out, until I can't stand to exist in it anymore.

My physical wounds are almost healed. But inside? Inside, I'm still trapped back in that basement, in those moments, with him . It’s always there.

I take a shaky breath, gathering my courage.

"I feel so lost right now.” My voice cracks as I begin.

"I need..." The words stick in my throat.

"When you're both here, when I can feel you both touching me, it feels so good and so right.

And, it makes everything fade. A little.

But..." I take a deep breath. "There's always this moment, this split second where I have to remind myself it's you.

Where I have to fight not to freeze up and panic.

It's never very far away. He's everywhere. He’s on my skin. In my bones. In my head."

I force myself to meet their eyes, first Zane's, then Levi's.

"I don't want to be afraid of being touched, especially by you.

I don't want him to have that part of me anymore—he doesn't deserve it.

" My voice breaks, and I hate how desperate I sound.

"Please. I want you to show me what it's like to be touched without it hurting. Without being scared."

I know it's wrong to ask this of them, but I can't stop the words now that I've started. "I want you to show me how it's supposed to be."