Page 74 of Beast and Remedy (The Last of the Heirs #2)

Control

“ A re you sure?” I ask Beau for the fifth time as we walk from our campsite and our friends.

Practicing my magic was the plan while we were in Unterkirch, and the very thought of it was dreadful until Sybille’s parting words left my mind reeling.

Now, all I want to do is think beyond what she said.

The farther we trek from our group, the more I rethink intentionally transitioning could be a healthy alternative to my racing thoughts.

But being cursed doesn’t sound any better.

“Learning more about your abilities and helping you make me more than sure,” Beau answers, his voice encouraging and loving, and my heart flutters.

I fight to suppress a grin.

We clear enough distance and come to a stop at a small alcove of trees, finally allowing me to remove my pack.

Nervously, I glance at it, debating whether I should undress. While I’m curious to learn if I can reduce the pain of shifting, I’m also petrified. To be so exposed—so vulnerable—so willing to release this control of myself to appease my magic’s whims.

All in front of Beau…

I mean, he has seen me naked before, but—

“Would you like me to—”

Beau’s voice startles me, and I rush to reassure him. “No, no. It’s fine.”

He chuckles. “Oh, so now you’re okay with me gawking?”

I blush. “N-N-No. Yes!” His amusement grows from my stammering, and I run a hand over my face. “Ugh. I don’t even know what I’m doing.”

Beau closes in. “That’s what I’m here for.”

I regard him, still uneasy and at war with my reeling thoughts.

“What’s making you most nervous?”

“Besides the obvious?” I gesture to our surroundings.

He smirks. “Besides the obvious and the plans we hashed out, what else is keeping the brightness from those emerald-green eyes I so love?” He cups my face and runs his thumb along my cheek. “What is going on in that brilliant mind of yours?”

“It’s ridiculous and irrational.”

“Doesn’t matter. I always want you to share every thought.”

My pulse quickens from his unwavering support. “I appreciate that. Truly.”

“When it comes to you and your happiness, Vi, there is nothing I won’t do to be everything you want and everything you need.”

I admire the gold shimmering in his irises, loving and marveling at how happy this man makes me. Opening up more is something I will regret later, but I can’t help but lean into it—lean into him.

We are meant to have this time, and I want to completely and unabashedly give him all of me with the hope he will do the same.

With a long sigh, I cast aside the doubt and worry. “It is the obvious,” I start, “but it’s also Sybille’s warning I can’t stop thinking about.”

“From what you said, it makes sense to use my blood. And we even discussed imbuing some vials with my magic for extra measure—”

“No, not that part. The part where she warned me about the shadows.”

Realization dawns on him. “Ah, yes.”

“Do you think it’s not a coincidence?” I ask.

“I can’t stop thinking about how she and Prince Stefan mentioned shadows.

Even the esprit told me something similar before we even left for Northtry.

” I press my lips together, hesitant before I add, “It felt like such an ominous warning, and yet I can’t help but think—”

A sliver of doubt creeps in, and I shake my head, deciding I don’t want to go down that path with him.

There is already so much at risk with us being together, and with bad blood between him and Papa, I don’t want to bring up the past when we don’t even know how much time we have left in the present.

“Think what?” Beau asks hastily.

But I brush off his question, creating space. “It’s nothing.”

I shouldn’t be wasting time on it when I should be preparing for a shift. Taking another step and turning, I survey the trees, soaking in the summer breeze warm enough to not leave me chilly as the sun sets.

But heat presses against my back, Beau returning into my space and grabbing me. He spins me to him.

The pit in my stomach deepens, trepidation crawling along my skin.

But with his expectant expression, I can tell he still wants to hear what I have to say.

Releasing a long breath, I confess, “I can’t help but think it has something to do with my mother.”

Beau’s brows furrow, contemplative. “I’ll admit, even I wasn’t expecting you to say that.”

Knowing I sound ridiculous, I cast the notion aside faster than I revealed it. “I know, which is why I don’t think it’s worth dwelling on.” I gesture to our surroundings, and his gaze follows as I move away once more. “So, let’s get back to what is important.”

I try to drop it and not linger on past issues when there is a larger, scarier issue pressing against my chest.

Transitioning intentionally in front of Beau.

The mortifying doom washes over me, as does the looming in the depths of my magic. If I don’t do this—accept this—I’ll be cursed as a beast. Forever .

I swallow the thickness clogging my throat as he studies me.

He wouldn’t stick around, nor would he love you, Vi.

More worries drift forward, and I hate how anxiety creeps forth in my mind whenever stress takes hold, making my thoughts bounce to every fear, misgiving, failure, and doubt.

I need to focus on one thing at a time.

I need to push every emotion and notion aside, and then I’ll be fine.

I’ll manage.

Beau takes my hand, trying to guide me. But I plant my feet on the ground, not wanting to budge or to be distracted by my fears coming to pass.

“Beau, stop. I’m fine.”

He halts his efforts, and instead of listening like I expect him to, he bends and grabs my legs, lifting and hauling me over his shoulder.

I gasp, wiggling against his hold and hitting his back when he starts walking. “Hey! Put me down!”

Beau spanks my backside, and I gasp, fury festering in my chest.

“Did you—”

He does it again, and I hiss, hating how I find it arousing now instead of frustrating.

“I did.”

“We don’t have time for this, Beau!” I squirm against his hold as he smacks my ass again. Biting my lip, I close my eyes, suppressing the moan wanting to escape as he rubs the minor sting away with each step.

“Then, I suggest you stop hiding from me.” He hauls me off with ease and he braces me against a tree. “There’s more going on inside that head of yours. Now, talk, Vi.”

I push back, needing to create some space, and he allows a little but remains close.

“It’s not worth discussing,” I explain, hoping we can drop it for now and move on.

“It is,” he argues. “Now, tell me.”

“There’s a multitude of things.”

“Is one of those about how adorably stubborn you are?” He brushes his nose along mine.

I huff, wanting to deny him any sign of cheerfulness.

But he presses his hips into mine, leaning in with a ghost of a kiss on my lips. “Shall I win you over with worshipping your body?”

The mention of my body and our purpose today has me shrinking farther into myself and averting my gaze completely.

“Rosebud?” He cups my chin, but I swipe it away, and I swear I feel his sadness from my denial as if it was my own pain. “Did I overstep earlier? I was trying to be playful with you, my love. I swear I wasn’t trying to push anything on you—”

“What?” I startle.

But Beau rears back, his features disheartened as he lifts his hands in surrender. “I was only trying to help.”

“No.” I grasp his wrist and pull him back. “B, it’s nothing like that. I swear.”

He releases a long sigh and presses his forehead against mine as I trace lines on his open palm. His hot breath and citrusy sweet scent soothe the disarray of my churning, never-ending troubles.

“It’s everything to do with the past. The infection. Me . With shifting and not wanting to be cursed,” I admit one of my worries in a hushed whisper before meeting his golden-honey irises. “But I’m terrified of watching you see the beast I become.”

“Vivienne,” he breathes, my name more melodic on his tongue than my nickname. “I’ve already seen you as a bear. I’ve seen you shift back.”

“But this time feels different.”

“Why?”

Hesitation grips me in place, and Beau takes my hands in his, pressing them to his pec. “Why does it feel different?”

He runs his thumb along my knuckles, his heartbeat thundering before I glance up, waves of emotion clogging my throat.

“Because now I know there is a curse. A curse that could keep me as an animal forever. A curse that could keep me from my family, my kingdom—from you ,” I choke out.

He cups my cheek, a fierce tenderness in his voice.

“Maxim’s death, my father’s death, and your father’s banishment kept me from you.

And it didn’t matter to you when I ignored you for years when I was grieving.

Just like it didn’t matter when the letters I tried to send you for years were always returned to me—”

“You tried writing me after Papa banished you?”

“Of course I did.”

My heart clenches. “I-I-I tried, too, but mine were burned.”

“It’s okay though, my love. That’s what I am trying to tell you.”

“How?”

He kisses my temple before holding my stare. “Because nothing. Death. Banishment. Infection. Curses. Beast or not, nothing will ever stop me or keep me from loving you.”

Beau kisses me. Fervently. Passionately. Excessively, like our lives depend on it.

I want to revel in his love, sheltered from all my troubles and worries, and for a moment, I do. Because nothing will ever keep me from loving him, too.

When he pulls away, he whispers, “So, please don’t push me away when I just got you back.”

And the spell of happiness I’ve fallen for disintegrates, my chest caving in by the reminder of the other threats to our relationship never becoming more than stolen kisses and love letters.

Peering up at the tree, I inhale the mossy scent before confronting the past. “Don’t you get it, though? I have to push you away.”

Beau scrunches his face. “Why?”

“You know why.”

His features smooth out with understanding, and I gesture to it. “See?”

“See what?”