Page 26

He reached for my hand, giving it a squeeze.

The sun had set, and the early autumn chill had settled in for the night.

I hadn’t expected to see him tonight, but it didn’t make it any less enjoyable.

Mom’s non-stop questions gave me a chance to learn more about Simon’s past. More than that, the way he laughed at her absurdity and then rebounded. It spoke volumes about him as a person.

“Can we talk?” No matter how innocent I tried to make it, those three words always elicited a sense of fear.

“It’s probably a good idea.”

I gestured to the swing on the end of the porch. Even under the dim light from the living room, I could see the well-worn spots where Mom and Dad had spent their twilight years. When I plopped down, the chains gave a slight jingle.

Simon scuffed his feet along the porch as he followed. “Is there room for two?”

“What do you think, Mr. Cuddles?” I stared at the blank space next to me. We needed to have a serious talk, but I didn’t want it to be painful. Humor served as my defense mechanism. “He says you can have his seat.”

My imaginary friend had once been a towering stuffed teddy bear. All the signs had been there. I think I had instinctively been gay before I understood the word. I wondered how Mr. Cuddles felt about being replaced by another tall, handsome bear.

We needed to talk. The butterflies in my stomach made it clear I wasn’t comfortable with it. I had grown smitten with this handsome man. He had his complications, as all people did, but the arrival of his ex-wife made things weird.

“Lucas told me you walked him home the other day.”

“I was giving a talk at the school. We had a very serious conversation on the way home about Eric being mean.”

“He said! Somehow, I got roped into a sleepover with Josh now?”

I chuckled. “Make sure you hide your glue.”

“I heard that too. You two had a lengthy conversation for three blocks.”

“What can I say? We had a lot to cover.”

The conversation tapered off. With a slight push, the swing moved back and forth.

The chains groaned as we sat in silence.

If not for the topic we both danced around, it would have been the perfect way to spend the evening.

Having seen Mom and Dad do it for years, I wanted what they had.

Would she spend evenings on the swing with Gerald now?

As much as I balked at the idea of Mom dating, I hoped she found somebody worthy of taking up Dad’s seat.

“I saw her.” The words came out in a whisper.

He rested a hand on my leg. I appreciated the gesture. “I’m sorry. That must have been… weird.”

“So weird,” I said.

His hand ran back and forth across my thigh. The casualness of his touch quieted my insecurities, but I still had questions that needed answering.

“This is a new one for me,” I admitted. “I’ve dated plenty of daddies, but no actual dads. And never a divorced guy. I’m not?—”

“Full disclosure.” Wow, those two words were more terrifying than ‘we should talk.’ What had he been keeping a secret? When he turned, I could see the seriousness on his face. My brain went into overdrive. Had he been cheating this entire time? Did that make me the other woman?

I braced for the admission.

“I’m still married.”

My fears became a reality. “Oh…”

Something on my face gave away my internal monologue. He reached for my hand, holding it in his. I could feel the callousness of his fingers as they ran along my palm.

“No. No. It’s not what you think. I’ve signed the— Lucy is just— I…”

He hung his head. The rush to explain himself eased the tension. It didn’t remove my fears, but I appreciated his attempts at honesty.

“Just talk to me,” I said. If this thing between us had any potential to take off, I wanted it to be from a place of honesty.

“We’re legally married.” I noted the emphasis. “I signed the papers before we moved. We agreed to it before she left for Africa. There was no rush, so she said she’d sign them when she got back.”

“She’s just here to sign papers?” I didn’t comment on how slowly she must sign documents to still be in town.

“Sort of. Lucy likes to do things on her schedule. I’m nudging her. A lot. I’m sure she’ll sign them before she leaves.”

It didn’t quite answer the burning question. Was it rude to ask when she’d be on a plane? I’m sure there were people in Africa who needed her attention at this very moment. I’d help her book the flight.

“Turnabout is fair play. You have to talk to me, too.”

“How long is she here for?”

As the realization spread across his face, he said a silent, “Oh.” Simon didn’t let go of my hand as he pondered the situation. I had to remember the only virgin thing between us was the territory.

“Lucy is going to be part of my life forever. Whatever disagreements we have about marriage, she’s my partner raising Lucas.

” I had said I’d be okay being number two.

I understood Lucas would always come first in his life, and that made me admire him even more.

Being bumped to number three might be too far from the top for me.

“I sold our home when I moved here. Lucy didn’t have any place to come back to. With her schedule, it made sense for her to stay with us until her next deployment.”

The progressive side of me wanted to commend them for making things work. However, something about the situation made me uncomfortable. I think the newness of us, his switching of teams, and the divorce combined gave me pause.

“It’s platonic?”

“As platonic as you and Jon.”

I forgot Simon had met my ex on our first outing. He didn’t bat an eye as Jon sandwiched me between him and Simon. If we could have a relationship that stayed strictly in the friend column, why couldn’t Simon and Lucy? Even as I attempted to rationalize away the discomfort, something tugged at me.

“Does she know?” I gestured to each of us.

He shook his head. “About this cute guy from Firefly who makes me smile? Not yet.” He pushed through, giving me a ray of hope. Did he have these same conversations with Lucas when he had big feelings?

“It’s not fair to ask, I know. But can you give me some time with that?”

“I can… I don’t know about Firefly, though.”

“Yeah. I need to talk to her before Dorothy whips out the claws.” Only been here for a month, and he already understood Dorothy. Maybe he would fit into Firefly?

“I can do that.”

I wanted to believe I could. In front of me sat this amazing, sweet, and funny man.

He had endured a night of questions from my mom to see me.

I had dated nobody like him. At the same time, we were still in the early stages.

It’d only take a slight breeze, and our house of cards would come toppling down.

He rested a hand on my cheek, and I couldn’t help but lean into it. I knew myself well enough. This would be on my mind until I went to sleep. I’d overanalyze and pick apart the possibilities. I tried focusing on his hand, but already I worried I allowed myself to be a straight man’s dirty secret.

Simon leaned in for a kiss. I held up a finger, stopping him. I turned his head to the living room window. Mom didn’t dart away quick enough. He chuckled and then went in for a kiss.

“She was going to find out one way or another…”

Would it be the same for Lucy?