Page 98 of Baxter's Right-Hand Man

“C’mon, it’ll be fun. The whole family is going—Charlie, Ky, Ollie, Gray, Justin. You can spend the night if you want. Trent will take us to the airport in the morning. We leave at the ass crack of dawn for Toronto.”

I grunted. “Thanks, but no.”

“Okay, okay.” Seb turned toward the set. “This is going well.”

“Yeah.”

“Kate’s good. If there’s enough of a spark, we can—”

“There’s no spark,” I intercepted sharply. “None. That’s all acting.”

“I know that.” He arched a brow. “Is something wrong?”

“No, all good here,” I lied.

Seb glanced around the sound stage and motioned me to follow him through a side exit to a quiet corridor made of cinder block. I could scream till my lungs ached and no one would hear me, I mused, tracing the yellow paint in the grout.

“If you’re worried about your brother—”

“I’m not. I trust you.”

Seb inclined his head. “Good. It’s been handled.”

“Hmm. I wonder what would have happened if we just…let it play out, ya know? Let Phil come for me. I could have taken him down myself.”

He snorted. “I don’t leave loose ends. You should know that by now.”

“I do.” I regarded him thoughtfully and continued. “It makes sense in business, but I don’t know if it makes sense in real life.”

“What are you getting at?”

“Just…thinking out loud. I should get back in there. I need to be amazing.”

Seb stepped into my space, his brows furrowed with concern.

“You look like a rock star out there. Hal praised you after one fucking take. You know how rare that is. Youknowyou’re amazing. You don’t need anyone to tell you that.” He frowned. “Or do you? What do you need?”

I patted his shoulder and walked away without responding.

But it was a good question.

What did I need?

Need versus want—I’d never really been able to decipher between the two. I’d wanted my freedom when I was younger and enough cash to buy groceries and pay my rent. Then I’d wanted a juicy role or two, money in the bank, and a house of my own. When I finally hit it big, I’d wanted my family to know I’d made something of my life.

I’d ticked every column off on my wish list, and it wasn’t enough.

So I rewrote the list. I made it bigger, better, more outrageous and outlandish. I didn’t just want to be an actor, I wanted to be a legendary celebrity. I wanted to make history. I didn’t just want a house, I wanted a fortress. I didn’t just want my family to know I was successful, I wanted for at least one of them to be proud.

And now…

I wanted to make it all go away.

The houses, the cars, the bodyguards. I didn’t want to be part of a machine that paid off creeps like my brother and flaunted good deeds for publicity.

I wanted to erase the bad memories and the ugly chapters from my past. I didn’t want to think about my mother and all the things we left unsaid. Had I done enough? Had I proved myself worthy? Did she love me? Was she proud of me? Did it matter?

All I wanted was Lo.