Page 64 of Badd Daddy
Ram poked into the soil between his toes with a bit of the twig he’d snapped into pieces. “You should. There ain’t the stigma in seeing a therapist that there used to be.”
I sighed. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.” I took a deep breath of the wild air, smelling pine needles and earth and sunshine—a commingling of scents that meant Alaska to me. “Ram, I…I know I’ve hinted at this in the recent past, but I don’t think I’ve ever said it outright in so many words.” I met his eyes. “I’m sorry. For all the ways I wronged you and your brothers. Neglected you. Made you take care’o me when it shoulda been the other way ’round. I gotta say this to your brothers, as well. But I’m sayin’ it to you, now. I’m sorry.”
Ram clapped a burly arm over my shoulders. “Forgiven, Dad. You making the effort you are to turn things around is all I needed to see.”
My throat closed, and I blinked hard. Ducked my head. “Let’s—uh. Let’s keep hiking.”
Ram didn’t let go of me, though. “Nuh-uh. Don’t bluff past this moment, Pop. You gotta live in the moment. Something I’ve been learning from Izz—emotions ain’t bad things. Feel ’em. Let ’em breathe inside you. Don’t shove ’em down, or run past ’em, just ’cause you’re feeling something strong.”
“I been drinkin’ my way past strong emotions for forty years, boy. Don’t rightly know what the fuck it even means to let emotions breathe inside me. Shit sounds like Yoda Buddhist bullshit, if you ask me.”
“Yoda was wise, for a funny-talking little green puppet, and Buddhism isn’t bullshit. Just ’cause it’s a little mystical or deep doesn’t mean its bullshit.”
I laughed. “Fine, whatever.”
My eyes were still stinging, but I tried to just let the mess be there instead of shoving it down. After a while, it all kind of morphed into…something else. Not sadness, or depression, just a sense of…deeply powerful gratitude that I’d been able to have this moment, here, with Ram.
Ram eyed me sidelong. “All right?”
I nodded, breathing deeply. “Yeah. Really good, actually.” I shot a grin at him. “Just really glad we had this.”
He nudged me with his shoulder. “Me too.” He stood up. “Rome and Rem may not be as easy, though. Just fair warning.”
I nodded and stood up. “I know. Rome still harbors a lot of resentment toward me.”
“Remington, too, but he hides it better. He may actually be the hardest to win over.” Ram took another sip of water from his canteen, and then clipped it back in place on his pack. “Ready?”
I did the same, taking a drink and then settling my gear into place. “Let’s go.”
We circled back down and around toward town again, taking several more hours before we reached the place where Ram had parked, at the end of a little dirt road. He slung his pack onto the backseat of his truck, and I did the same, and then Ram paused, resting his forearms on the lip of the truck bed, eying me speculatively.
“You know, I’ve been running guided tours and hunts for a while now, just on word of mouth, cash-only. Been putting off the process of creating an actual business out of it.” He kept his gaze on mine.
“Okay?”
“Issue is, I can’t really run things the way I’d want to without at least one other person. I need someone to do shorter local hikes, hunts, and fishing trips, hold down the office and shit like that.” He arched an eyebrow. “It’d have to be someone who knows this area like the back of their hand, someone comfortable out in the woods, hunting and fishing and hiking. Someone I trust.”
“You gettin’ at somethin’ specific, or you just yammerin’ to hear yourself talk?”
He rolled his eyes, laughing, and shook his head. “You, you big dumb lummox. These hikes we’ve been going on together…it’s something I’ve been thinking about for a few weeks now.”
I let out a shocked breath. “You serious?”
He nodded. “As a heart—” he cut himself off with a bark of laughter. “Bad choice of words, sorry. Yeah, Dad, I’m serious. You and me. Badd Outdoors, or something like that.”
“A Badd Day in the Woods,” I suggested.
He cackled. “Funny. Too many words, though. Gotta be quick and catchy.” He glanced at me. “That mean you’re in?”
“I’d probably need to spend some time brushing up on my skills. Haven’t hunted or fished in years, and while I’m getting back to knowing where I am in these woods, I’d need to get my dead reckoning skills back up to par before I’d feel comfortable leading folks.” I stared at him across the bed of the truck. “You really want to go into business with me?”
He nodded again. “Yeah, Dad. I do. I need a business partner, and I know you’re a damn good woodsman. You know this area better’n I do, and you haven’t lived here in decades.”
“Used to be you could blindfold me, drop me in the woods anywhere between Clover Pass and Beaver Falls and I’d know in a few steps where I was and how to get where I wanted to be.” I laughed. “Even now, I could get us to the old homestead up by Ward Creek from here.”
“Been up there since you been back?” Ram asked.
I shook my head. “Nope. Probably nothin’ there but rotting logs and broken glass, now.”