Page 2

Chapter Two

A loud crash shakes the walls of my bedroom. I cringe, then scramble to catch my bulletin board before it loses its grip on the tiny nail in the wall and tumbles to the floor. I close my eyes, the drama downstairs playing in my mind like an old movie.

Similar scenes between Mom and Grandma have been all too common in our house over the years, so it’s easy to imagine why Mom stormed out this time. On one hand, I’m glad she’s gone because the shouting will stop, and I’ll be able to think again. On the other hand, it’s after five o’clock, so she’ll probably head to the bar and end up drunk. I’m terrified that one day she won’t make it home. Or worse, someone else won’t make it home because Mom was driving drunk.

With a sigh, I stuff a long-sleeved t-shirt into a duffle bag for tomorrow and check to make sure the first aid kit that lives in my purse is fully replenished. With a start, I remember to grab a clean pair of socks. I always forget socks. I laugh to myself thinking of Bek. My fairy-like bestie who often forgets to bring pajamas and ends up drowning in an old t-shirt of Sam’s. My other bestie is an amazon compared to Bek. Really, Bek and I should just leave half of our wardrobe at Sam’s house since we spend every weekend there.

Another slam. The basement door. Grandma.

I barely remember life without Grandma anymore. She moved in shortly after Dad walked out on us. I was in second grade. Joel was in third. Grandma renovated the basement into an apartment for herself. At first, I loved having her around. Joel and I finally got fed something besides macaroni and cheese or frozen pizza for dinner. Grandma never forgot me at school for hours after the final bell. I didn’t have to go to school in dirty clothes anymore. Though the kids at school continued to tease me long after my clothes stopped smelling.

But then the bickering started. Grandma pestered Mom to quit drinking and smoking or to get a better job than night clerk at a convenience store. Then she accused Mom of neglecting me and Joel, of drinking at work, and wasting what little money she made on liquor. The bickering escalated into shouting. Mom resorted to name-calling and accusations, though I don’t know what Grandma supposedly did that turned Mom into a garbage human. Grandma isn’t the cookie baking, hugs-for-all type of grandmother you see on television, but so far, she hasn’t driven Joel and me to drink.

I glance at the wall calendar as if looking at it will get me any closer to high school graduation. I have two months left of junior year. In one year and two months, I’ll graduate high school and will be able to move out. Joel, a senior, already plans to move out with friends after graduation. They don’t have any solid plans yet, but I’m so envious of him. I hope wherever he ends up, he lets me hang out in his apartment. A lot.

My phone dings, alerting me of a new text message. I glance down and smile. From the variety of emojis—heart eyes, pulsing heart, cupid’s arrow—it’s obvious that Sam is in love again. Bek’s wide-eyed emoji response makes me laugh out loud. Only Bek can get away with giving Sam a hard time over a new boyfriend. I open my text message and reply with a simple heart, choosing my favorite color, yellow, because I love my two best friends more than anything. I don’t care that Samantha Jones is a serial dater or that Rebekah Alli is flighty. They have been there for me through all the horrible, toxic years.

Bek: How can you already know you like him so much?

Sam: What do you mean already?

Bek: You’ve gone on one date. Combined w/visits at the park you’ve spent, like 5 hours total with him? Isn’t it too soon to tell?

Sam: You wait. You’ll understand as soon as Cupid hits you with your first arrow.

Bek: I doubt that.

Me: I’ll be thirty years old by then. Love is not in my high school graduation plan.

Sam: It’s not like love is ever planned, Ava!

Bek: Ava, I’m with you. Love can wait.

Sam: You’re crazy. You’ll both have to admit defeat before we graduate.

I look up at a picture of the three of us pinned to my bulletin board, standing arm-in-arm in stairstep order, and wonder how they would describe me. Animal lover, maybe, because I volunteer at the shelter? Manic depressive, perhaps, because I spend at least an hour each week sobbing or screaming about my life? Yeah, probably that. Bek and Sam are the only two people in the world I’ve opened up to about my situation. After—what has it been, nine years?—they’re probably tired of hearing about it and just don’t know how to tell me to get over it.

Another text dings.

Bek: What’s this guy’s name?

Sam: Doesn’t matter. I’m gonna call him hot lips!

Me: Sam !

Sam: I’m kidding! It’s Andrew. I’ll tell you all about him when you guys get here. Why aren’t you here yet??????

Bek: On my way.

A knock rattles my bedroom door. Joel’s voice is muffled through the wood. “If you want a ride, we have to go now.”

I type and say, “Coming,” at the same time.

Slinging the strap of my duffle bag over my shoulder, I transfer the “IN” sign from the outside doorknob to the knob on the inside and jog downstairs. Misjudging my speed, I open the front door right into my face. Blinking away tears, I let the door slam behind me.

I collapse into the passenger seat of Joel’s car and shove my bag onto the floor at my feet and pull my seatbelt on.

“Ready?” he asks, as he drops the gearshift into reverse.

“Uh-huh.” I rub the tender spot on my forehead and scan the neighborhood as Joel backs out of the driveway. Mr. Winters is sweeping his front walk. A couple of kids ride scooters on the sidewalk. Mrs. Henkle’s chihuahua is loose again, stopping to pee on each mailbox post he passes. I look at all the nicely groomed yards, but don’t glance at our own dead grass or the heaps of broken furniture piled on the side of the house.

“Do you need a ride home tomorrow?” Joel asks.

We have the same dark hair and brown eyes, but Joel’s nose is broad, and his chin is square, whereas my features are softer, rounder. When he’s in a surly mood like he is now, his heavy brows and chiseled features make him look intimidating. But I know better.

“No, thanks. Sam can drop me off. Though I’ll probably stay over tomorrow night, too.” I glance at my brother’s clenched jaw. “Do you work tomorrow?”

Joel nods.

“All day? ”

Another nod. “Offered to cover a shift for a guy who has some family thing.”

“That’s good. You need the money, right?” He’s obviously upset about something and I’m yammering nervously in case it’s me. But why would it be me?

“Um, yeah.” Joel flips his blinker on and turns as soon as traffic is clear. “So, Chris, David, and I found a place.”

No wonder he’s acting weird. He was probably afraid to tell me. I swallow the sudden lump in my throat. “Really?” I try to sound excited, but I know I’ve failed when Joel’s fist tightens on the steering wheel.

“Yeah. We’re, uh, putting the deposit down this weekend. It’ll be available July first.”

“Oh, wow. July. First. That’s so exciting.” I’ll never be an actor. I flash a smile at him but can’t manage to look directly at him. “Congrats, Joel.”

Joel’s gaze only darts my way as well. “Yeah, thanks.”

Trees and houses flash by outside the passenger window. I see a knot of girls making chalk drawings on their driveway. I envy their normal life. I assure myself I’ll be okay. A flutter of panic erupts in my chest. I knew Joel got his job to work toward this goal but hearing that they have a move-in date is the first time I’ve realized it’ll leave me alone in the house with Mom and Grandma. I blink away tears as Joel turns into Samantha’s long driveway.

He scans the front of Sam’s huge house with the same hungry expression he always has when he pulls up to the front. I flash him another smile. “Thanks for the ride. Have a good evening at work.”

“Yeah, thanks.”

I can’t escape the car fast enough. Which means, in my haste, my foot gets caught up in the strap of my duffle and I fall out of the car and onto my hip.

“You okay?” I can tell by Joel’s flat tone that he’s only asking out of habit.

“Sure.” My side stings a little, but it’s nothing I’m not used to. It seems like I unwind miles of backpack strap from my foot. How did I manage to get so twisted up in it? I stumble to my feet. Just before I slam the car door, Joel calls my name. I bend to peer into the car. “Yeah?”

“I’ll always be there for you. I’m not abandoning you.”

I nod, because deep down I know that, but right now I’m silently panicking anyway. “I know.”

I wave and push the door closed. As he drives off, my heart cracks open in my chest. It’s been Joel and me as a united team since the beginning. He’s always done everything he can to protect me from the worst of it. I know how much he’s looking forward to getting out of the house. But I suspect once he does, he’ll never walk back into it again.