Page 14

Chapter Fourteen

I slam my locker door and jump a mile when I find Sam’s face smiling at me. My backpack falls to the ground, and everything slides out across the busy hallway.

“Did I scare you?” Sam drops to her knees to help scoop up papers before kids kick them down the hall. “Sorry.”

I force a smile.

“You didn’t respond last night. Did I text too late?” Sam looks at me expectantly. When I remain quiet, Sam presses me for more information. “How did day one of Embrace the Crush go?”

“I don’t know. It was okay.” I shrug as if it’s no big deal. “I don’t think I’m really good at the crush thing.”

“What do you mean? How can you not be good at it? You just look at a boy you find cute and swoon a little. It’s not that hard.”

“He’s pretty intense, you know?” My traitorous mind replays the image of his unabashed laughter, and my double-crossing stomach flutters with brand new butterflies. “Maybe it’s not me. Maybe he’s not crush material.”

Sam stops scooping and sits back on her high heels. “What happened?”

“Nothing.” I busy myself zipping the backpack before climbing to my feet. “There were a couple tummy flutters. I got him to laugh.”

Sam, who has fallen into step beside me, grins. “That’s great.” Then she sighs and looks up at the ceiling with a dopey look. “That’s the best when you can get them to laugh.”

I silently agree. What isn’t the best is getting the knowing look that says, “Now I know the pain you are dealing with.” And the look that follows that says, “You poor thing. I’m sorry.”

“Well, with all of his experience, I’m sure he’s very crushable.” Sam winks. “And you’ll get the hang of it. You didn’t let your heart get too invested, did you?”

I want to defend Dylan and tell Sam that he isn’t as experienced as everyone thinks, but for whatever reason, Dylan seems to like his reputation, so it isn’t for me to dispute. I suppose I should feel special or something that he opened up to me about everything, including the girlfriend situation. It doesn’t seem like stuff he tells just anyone.

“Aaaaaava?” Sam sings. “Are you in there?”

“Huh?” I roll my eyes. “Sorry, I didn’t sleep well.”

“Everything okay? Was it your mom?”

“I don’t know. I have a lot on my mind, I guess.” That isn’t a lie. I’m definitely worried about Joel moving out and leaving me alone with Mom and Grandma. I’m nervous about the possibility of getting a job and having to learn new things and fit it into my schedule. Would I still be able to volunteer at the shelter? Would I be able to keep up with my homework when senior year starts? It’s daunting. But what really kept me from sleeping was replaying the day with Dylan over and over in my head. I’m so mad at myself for saying something about having a crappy home life. I was quiet and awkward the rest of the day. His sympathetic look has been burned in my brain ever since. He felt sorry for me, and I hate that.

To change the subject, I ask, “Did you go out with Barista Boy?”

“I did.”

I scan my friend. “Trouble in paradise?”

“Nothing like that. We basically did the same thing as the first date.”

“Ate at Riverwalk and wandered the park?”

“This time we wandered Riverwalk and ate at the park.”

“A picnic?” I think that sounds kind of fun even if the weather is chilly.

“No, the hotdog stand.”

“Oh, that’s cute.” I eye Sam. “You like hotdogs.”

“It was just kind of strange to go to the same place. And I realized everybody knew him by name. Everywhere we went people were like, “Oh, hey Josh!” and “Josh, my man.” It was weird.”

“Well, he works down there, so it might be his comfort zone. Suggest a different place next time.”

“Yeah, you’re right.” Sam waves as she turns down a hallway. “I’ll see you at lunch. Say hi to Bek for me.”

I watch her stride down the hall, her silky blond hair flowing down her straight back. Even the boys with girlfriends turn to watch her walk by. It’s like they can’t help it. Like it’s instinct. With a sigh, I turn into my classroom, smiling when I see Bek is already here.

I plop into my seat, letting my backpack drop to the floor.

“You look like you have a lot on your mind,” Bek says, by way of a greeting.

“I do?” I raise my brows. “Like I’m a deep thinker, you mean?”

“No, like something’s bothering you.”

Bek is uncannily perceptive for someone whose head is always in the clouds. “I’m thinking about all the money I’ll make when I get a job and how I will have to force myself not to buy every meal Sam eats in order to begin to pay her back for all the food she has paid for of mine.”

My dreamy friend shakes her head. “That’s not what you’ve been thinking of. But since you brought it up, you know she will never let you pay her back in any way, right?”

“I don’t know that. I fully intend to do so. Or at least make an attempt.”

Bek’s chuckle floats into the air like bubbles. “She’ll never let you. I can actually pay for most of my meals, but she doesn’t let me. She gets hurt and mad if I try. And she’s not the one paying, anyway. Her parents are. It’s just easier to let her do it. I think it makes her feel needed.”

I blink at Bek. “Seriously? You can pay for yours?”

“Yeah, when my Nona died, I got an inheritance. It isn’t anything huge and most of it is held in a trust until I’m eighteen. But I get a monthly allowance that is enough to do stuff whenever I want. I was pretty excited when I got my first allowance. I tried to pay for our dinner, but Sam got really upset.”

“Upset how?” I ask.

“You know how short she gets when she’s mad? She agrees with you, but with so much hostility, you know she doesn’t really agree.”

“Yeah. She’s like, 'Fine. Do whatever.' With that clipped tone.”

“Exactly, but she even had tears in her eyes. So, I told her I would just pay for myself. And I did. It was cool to have my own money for a change. But she doesn’t understand that.”

My shoulders slump when I think of poor, innocent Bek, just hoping to pay for a meal for a change. “No, she has no idea what it’s like to not have money. ”

“She didn’t talk to me for more than a week.” Bek lets her chin fall onto her palm. “It sucked.”

“I remember that. You guys wouldn’t tell me what was going on.”

“I finally apologized, which was weird in itself, and thanked her for always being there for us.” Bek looks down at the desk and traces her finger over the initials someone carved into it. “Anyway, I’ve been saving most of my monthly allowances this entire time. I have quite a bit already. I would love to be your roommate when the time comes if you’ll have me.”

I fly out of my seat and wrap her arms around Bek’s neck. “That is the best news I’ve gotten all year, Bek. I’d love it. Thank you so much.”

“Girls, I hate to interrupt what appears to be an exciting moment for you, but I need your attention up here now.”

“No problem, Miss Hess.” I grin.

After class, I’m distracted by thoughts of my potential, future apartment life. I imagine getting a full-time job of some sort after graduation. Maybe in an office. That should pay the bills. Right? There aren’t many opportunities to be clumsy sitting at a desk, are there? Bek and I can stay home on weekends in our pajamas and binge-watch our favorite shows. Sam can stay over when she’s home from college. Life will be perfect.

“I love a girl who walks around grinning at nothing.”

I stop short and blink at Dylan who stands in front of me with a sexy smirk on his face. He nods at Lydia, who waves and keeps walking. My cheeks burn red. Not because he caught me mid-daydream, but because he knows my secret. Standing in the middle of a crowded hallway knowing he knows about my toxic life makes it feel like the information is being broadcast over the school’s public address system.

He misinterprets the blush though. “It’s okay, I won’t tell anyone. But confess.” He leans forward and whispers. “You were imagining my mouth on your…”

I gasp and lean away from him. Honestly, I can’t even imagine that. “I should never have told you that!” Apparently, it’s my lot in life to be cherry red around Dylan. “I’m walking away now.”

I scoot to get around him, but he steps sideways to stay in front of me. “I’m sorry. That wasn’t nice of me. It’s just so fun to see you flustered.”

His gaze skims my features, and I swear I feel the feather-light brush of it. Shivers race down my spine. I step to the left, but he shifts too. “I don’t have time for this, Dylan. I have to get to class.”

“Then why don’t we continue this titillating conversation after school at The Cup?”

I freeze. Did he just ask me out? My mouth falls open. “Uh.”

“Speechless. I hope that’s a good thing.” Suddenly, Dylan looks unsure of himself, and I almost rush to agree to meet him to put him out of his misery. But then I remember the pity in his eyes the day before and I shutter my emotions.

“I can’t. Sorry.” I step to the side again, and this time, he doesn’t follow. “And I gotta go.”

“Yeah.” His tone is more a question than an acknowledgement. “See ya.”

As I storm away, my mind whirls with confusion. Excitement swirls with anger and embarrassment. I don’t know what to think or feel. Even if he does feel sorry for me, Dylan just asked me out. The bad boy of Oak Grove High asked the clumsy girl out for coffee. Even a pity ask is still an ask, right?

All the same, my heart aches. I’d seen in his eyes that he was upset by my refusal, but I’d been more upset by his pity. The memory of the water fight, my soaking wet body pressed against his as he towered over me, his hair dripping onto my face. The heat from his body was nothing compared to the intensity of his gaze. I replace that expression with the pity he showed and then by the hurt he'd just displayed, and I feel a band tighten around my heart. What a shame I will never again experience the dark, searing gaze I received during the water fight. Now that he knew my secret, he’d never see me the same way again.

Sam cautioned me not to let my heart become involved in the crush, but it seems her advice came too late. My heart was already involved. Unbeknownst to me, it dove straight in, headfirst, with no regard to my mental well-being. And it left me with the problem of figuring out if I can swim or if I’m going to drown.