Page 36 of Bad Boy Bakers, Vol. 2

“I nearly did. There was a part of me that wanted to hop on the next plane and show up on her doorstep. But I didn’t know how I’d be received.

You said she was divorced, but you never said much about her relationship status beyond that, and I couldn’t ask you.

And the longer things went on, the more I got to know you and started to wonder if you were mine, the more I thought about just showing up to find out the truth.

But I was just as afraid of finding out the answer was no as I was of her rejecting me again.

That would have been another disappointment on top of a whole boatload of disappointments that I didn’t know how to take.

So it was my own fear and cowardice that held me back, stopped me from coming to get answers any sooner than I did.

” Shifting toward him, he caught Jonah’s eyes, needing him to hear the truth in what he was saying.

“I can’t make up for that. I can’t change all the time and years we lost. But I hope you’re willing to entertain the idea of a relationship in the future.

If you can’t look at me as a father, I hope you’ll at least let me stay your friend. ”

Jonah’s throat worked, but he nodded. “It does help.”

“What does?”

“Knowing I come from you.”

Grey’s heart swelled with love and gratitude, and his own throat went thick.

He reached out and settled a palm on Jonah’s shoulder.

“Thank you. That means a lot.” Before the moment could turn awkward, he squeezed once and let him go.

“I don’t know about you, but my ass has just about frozen to your truck, and you’ve got a fiancée who’s worried about you.

If you’ve learned anything from our mistakes, go on home and talk to your girl. ”

He winced. “I’m sure she’ll have opinions about my behavior.”

“Probably. But she loves you, and you love her, so you’ll listen.”

They both stood.

Jonah closed the tailgate. “Does this change things between you and Mom?”

Grey shoved his frozen hands into his coat pockets. “I don’t know. I still need to think about the whole thing. It’s a lot to process, and she and I will need to talk after I’ve had time to do some of that.”

“For what it’s worth, I hope you two can work it out.”

One corner of his mouth tipped up. “Me, too. Go on and get home. I’ll talk to you later.”

Jerking a nod, Jonah moved around and opened the driver’s side door. “Grey?”

“Yeah?”

“Thanks.”

“Any time.”

Already dreaming of the heated seats, Grey headed for his Jeep. As he slid inside, the phone in his pocket began to ring. He dug it out, expecting to see Rebecca’s name pop up on the display. But it was Ned. Cranking the engine, he hit answer.

“Greyson.”

“I’ve got us a meeting at The Pentagon tomorrow afternoon.” Ned’s excitement fairly crackled over the line. “You wanted the chance to pitch this to the brass, to get our program on the list. This is it. You need to get your ass to D.C. pronto.”

He pinched the bridge of his nose.

Really? This has to happen now?

His personal life was in shambles, and he needed to talk to Rebecca. But in truth, this meeting could mean the difference between making his program a reality and failing spectacularly.

Failure wasn’t an option for the future he wanted.

He shifted the SUV into gear.

“I’ll be there. Text me the details.”

Somewhere deep down, Rebecca had always known this would be the outcome of that desperate choice so long ago.

She’d known, and she’d never had a clue how to stop the crash or even mitigate the damage.

Now the secret that should never have been a secret was out, and she was deathly afraid she’d just lost both the men in her life.

After they’d walked out, she’d somehow found the strength and control to make it home, fending off Rachel’s profound apologies.

None of this was her fault; Rebecca had just needed to escape.

To get to her own safe space, such as it was.

She was pretty sure Rachel had driven behind her, just to see she arrived safely, though she hadn’t been able to see much past the tears.

All her focus had been on the strip of road ahead, then on putting one foot in front of the other until she was through the door and into her own kitchen.

She’d collapsed there, curling into a ball as a tsunami of what ifs threatened to drown her.

What if she’d told Grey from the beginning? What if he’d actually talked to her when he came back the first time? What if she’d told Jonah the truth when he was young? What if she’d sucked it up and told Grey on New Year’s Eve? What if they both never forgave her?

She’d learned years ago not to waste energy on the what ifs.

There was no going back and changing anything.

She just had to move forward the best way she could.

But she didn’t know how to move forward from this.

No apology on earth could make up for keeping the truth hidden all this time.

That line could not be uncrossed. The betrayal couldn’t be taken back.

And, no question, her son saw this as a betrayal.

Maybe Grey did, too. He’d become so self-contained, it was hard to tell where they stood.

Would he understand what she’d done? Or was Jonah’s father even more like him than she’d realized?

Time lost meaning as she huddled on the floor, weeping with regret.

She might’ve lain there for minutes or hours by the time the doorbell rang.

Heart leaping with hope, she scrambled to her feet, hastily wiping at her face as she stumbled to the front of the house to answer.

Which one of them had come? No one else would be here this late.

She flung open the door, not sure who she was hoping for more.

Jonah stood on the front stoop, hands in his front pockets, shoulders hunched, looking considerably calmer than when he’d stormed out.

At the sight of him, Rebecca burst into tears again. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I—”

He held up a hand. “Stop.”

Though there was no bite to his tone, she snapped her mouth shut, terrified of what he was about to say.

He stepped inside the house and shut the door. So he didn’t intend to leave immediately. That was good, wasn’t it?

Those big, broad shoulders twitched on a long sigh, and he didn’t quite meet her eyes. “It has been brought to my attention that I’ve been behaving like an asshat, and I’m here to apologize.”

The statement surprised her enough to stop the tears, and for a moment, she could only blink at him. Was that acknowledgment Rachel’s doing or Grey’s?

“Let’s sit.”

Still silent, she followed him into the living room. When he took one end of the sofa, she cautiously took the other, hoping the fact that he hadn’t taken the chair and the distance it afforded was a good sign.

He braced his forearms on his spread legs, lacing his fingers together in a gesture she recognized as a sign of him working his way up to something. He’d done the same thing when he’d sat her down to tell her he was becoming a SEAL. Would this be as terrifying? Would it be worse?

Rebecca fought not to mirror the pose as her own anxiety ramped up.

“All my life, you’ve been this constant.

This solid, steady presence. I never had to think about you as anything other than my mother.

And it’s been pointed out to me how disrespectful I’ve been.

First, over the idea of you getting into a relationship with Grey.

And then losing my shit over the fact that you’d already had one, that I was a consequence of that, and storming out. ”

“You had a right—”

“I’m not finished. I said a lot of harsh things tonight, and you just took it.

Like you took a lot of things in your life, trying to see that Sam and I were taken care of the best way you knew how.

And that’s what I expected. That’s what I’ve always expected you to be.

That stable, unchanging figure in my life, instead of a person in your own right.

One who knows her own mind and sometimes makes mistakes.

Somebody who has a right to go after what she wants, not just what I sign off on. ”

He finally lifted his head to meet her gaze with those eyes that were so much like hers.

“I’m still angry. I still think I had a right to know—that we both did—a lot sooner than now.

But I get that you were young and in a really tough position.

I sure as hell can’t say that I was making the best decisions at that age.

So I’m working on processing the rest of it, and I wanted to say that I love you, and I’m sorry for how I behaved and how I reacted. ”

She wasn’t losing him. As her biggest fear fled, Rebecca found a shred of the control that had deserted her.

“Thank you. That means a lot.” Wanting to give him something other than apologies or excuses, she swallowed.

“I always wished I could tell you that your father—your real father—was a good man. You’re so much like him.

Always were. I’m sorry I never shared that with you before. ”

“It’s weird that I know that. Hell, I saw it first-hand all the years I served under him. It does ease something in me, knowing I come from that.”

Grateful he could find any comfort at all in this situation, Rebecca risked laying a hand on his arm and squeezing, hoping he didn’t shrug her off.

“Did you love him?”

She should’ve expected the question. “Grey?”

“Both of them.”

“As I said before, Lonnie was one of my best friends from childhood. I knew he had deeper feelings for me when we married. I loved him as a friend, and I grew to love him as more. But I was in love with Grey. I’m still in love with Grey.

Not that it matters now.” She fought back the wave of grief that wanted to pull her back under.

“I don’t know if it would have made a difference if I’d found some way to tell him sooner or in a more controlled fashion.

It’s not something you can just casually slip into a conversation. ”

Jonah dropped his head with a sigh. “I’m sorry for making it worse.”

“No. No, you have a right to be upset, and I should have considered that more than I did. I was so caught up in trying to figure out how to tell Grey, and then… In the end, it didn’t matter. As you said, there’s no good way.”

“Have you heard from him?”

“No.” And at this point, she had no idea whether she ever would.

“For what it’s worth, I think he still wants to try to work things out between you.”

Was that true? Or was there some little boy part of Jonah who fancied the idea of his parents actually being together? Only time would tell.

“It’s late. We’ve been through a lot. I should probably get home so you can rest and so I can assure my fiancée that I did, in fact, apologize.”

Rebecca rose when he did, but hesitated short of trying to hug him.

She didn’t know if he’d welcome the contact or not.

Jonah solved the issue by pulling her in himself, wrapping those big, strong arms around her.

He’d towered over her for years now, but he still felt like her little boy, and she could still conjure the scent of him as a baby as she pressed her cheek to his chest.

“I love you, Jonah. All I’ve ever wanted is the best for you.”

“I know. I love you, too.” With one final squeeze, he stepped back. “Goodnight.”

She followed him to the door and watched as he climbed into his truck. At least one part of her life was on its way back to rights. Whether the situation with his father would be any easier remained to be seen.

Had it only been last night that they’d come together and lost themselves?

Things had gone so wrong, so fast.

The faint ringing of her phone sounded from the kitchen. Racing back, she found it in her purse. Seeing Grey’s name flashing on the screen, she fumbled to answer before it went to voicemail.

“Hello?” Nerves and fear made her breathless.

“Hey.”

“Grey, I’m so sorry. I—”

“That isn’t a conversation to be had over the phone.”

“No, you’re right.” Did he want to come over? It was already so late, and she was so tired, she didn’t know if she could cope with another round of emotional boxing.

But before she could respond, he went on. “I just wanted to let you know that I have to leave town for a bit, and I’m not sure how long I’ll be gone.”

Everything inside her froze. “I see.”

The line echoed with the sound of vehicle doors closing.

“You’re leaving now?”

“Yeah. I’ve got a meeting tomorrow. Can’t afford to miss it.” He sounded distant and disconnected.

“I see.” And she did. This was his way of pulling back. Putting distance between them before he left for good.

“I’ll be in touch.”

“Okay.”

“Bye, Rebecca.”

“Bye.”

With the sound of her name ringing in her ears, the line went dead.

She burst into fresh tears, knowing she’d never be lucky enough to win them both back.