Page 24 of Bad Boy Bakers, Vol. 2
“What about you?” No way had she come out of that shit unscathed.
“I’m still wrestling with my own feelings over the whole thing.
Because I lived with decades of believing the worst of Lonnie.
Of trying to reconcile the man he’d become with the one that I married.
The one who’d been my friend since the second grade.
Only to find out that he wasn’t the terrible person I imagined him to be.
God knows, he wasn’t perfect. But I think, in the end, his heart was in the right place.
That helps. But I don’t think I can ever forgive him for robbing my son of his childhood, no matter what his reasons. ”
The man she’d married, not the man she loved.
Was that significant? Or was it just where she’d landed after all those years of living with a twisted truth?
And did she even realize she’d called Jonah her son, not their son?
Did that mean something? Had she effectively cut Lonnie off as a parent in her own mind when he’d walked away? Or was there something else there?
Maybe Grey was simply looking for confirmation of what he wanted to be true.
Either way, there was no escaping the fact that Lonnie had been weak.
Whatever he’d been into, there were a thousand other ways he could’ve handled the situation.
But instead, he’d chosen to walk away. To be alone instead of finding a way to make things right with his family.
None of that was what Grey had imagined when he’d found out his best friend had married Rebecca.
And it sure as shit wasn’t what she’d deserved.
If he’d known…
But he hadn’t known, because he’d devoted himself to the career he’d chosen over her, and he hadn’t let himself look back. Even when confronted with Jonah and the knowledge that Rebecca was divorced, he hadn’t come back to check on her. Not until now.
A potent cocktail of regret churned in his gut. So many what ifs. So many lost years.
Grey scrubbed a hand over his face and braced himself against the counter. “You looked so damned happy in the beginning. It was the only reason I could keep away from you. Because I told myself I didn’t have the right to fuck that up for you.”
Eyes wide, Rebecca slowly set her wineglass on the counter. “What are you talking about?”
He forced himself to meet her gaze. “I came back in May. After exams. Before I left for my summer rotation with ROTC.”
“What? But I never…”
“Never saw me. No. I saw you with Lonnie. You were pregnant. Had his ring on your finger.” And God, that had cut him off at the knees. Was there any more obvious sign that she belonged to another man?
All color had leeched from her face. “Why didn’t you say something?”
He mustered up a smile he knew didn’t reach his eyes. “As far as I could tell, you were happy. You’d gotten what you wanted.” She’d leapt feet-first into that quiet, small-town life with somebody who wanted the same. “Who was I to stand in the way of that?”
Her face twisted with some expression he couldn’t read. Her throat worked. “I thought the same of you and the Navy.” She paused, eyes glimmering with tears. “Did you find what you were looking for out there?”
“Some of it. I had a good career.”
“No family?”
Grey shook his head. “Never married.”
“Never found the right woman?”
“The right woman didn’t want to share me with the Navy.”
“The right woman didn’t want to share me with the Navy.”
The statement hit Rebecca like a mortar round because he simply stood there, hands braced on the counter, gaze steady on hers, utterly self-possessed.
He’d come back. Exactly as he’d said he would.
And she’d never known. She had no idea what might have changed if she had, because she’d already married Lonnie by then.
But there was no stopping the tidal wave of regret and longing.
Because he was right. She’d never wanted to share him with the Navy.
And in her selfishness, she’d hurt him for even thinking she’d try.
She’d spent plenty of years hating herself for that.
For the immaturity and the weakness that meant she couldn’t trust him when it had mattered most. For the fear that had changed both their lives.
But never more than this moment, when she faced the outright proof that what he’d felt for her hadn’t changed.
Because he’d always been everything she wanted, and she’d wasted so many years alone.
Swallowing against the burn of tears, she gathered together whatever scraps of poise she could manage.
“The Universe has a funny way of teaching you lessons. I was so hard on you. And then I had to face the whole thing all over again with my son when he declared he wanted to be a SEAL. I didn’t want to lose him, too, so I had to let him go and trust that he’d come home.
And that was even worse than watching you walk away, because that’s my baby.
I rocked him to sleep and kissed his booboos and bandaged his skinned knees.
But I saw what it meant to him to do it.
To pursue that bigger purpose. To be that kind of man.
And I finally understood, at least a little, why you had to go.
And when I did—” She shook her head. “I’ve thought about that night so often and with so much regret. ”
“You wanted a different kind of life.” He said it easily, as if stating an oft-repeated fact.
But she could see the hints of old pain beneath and wanted to give him what honesty she could. “I wanted you. And I didn’t trust that you’d come back to me if you left. It’s a big, wide world out there, and I thought that if you got a taste of it, I wouldn’t be enough for you.”
He was around the counter before she could blink, stopping just inches away, his chest heaving. “No. No, that’s never been true.”
She looked up into his face, seeing everything she’d convinced herself she’d imagined at eighteen. She wanted to cheer. To weep. To touch him. For him to touch her.
As if reading her mind, he skimmed his fingers over her cheek, and she couldn’t stop herself from turning into the caress, chasing the warmth. His callused palm cupped her face, and everything inside her began to quake. It was too much sensation and not nearly enough.
“Grey.” His name came out as a sigh. A question.
In answer, he bent to take her mouth.
That first touch of his lips on hers was an earthquake.
Shocking and foundation shaking. It had been an eon since she’d felt the intimacy of a kiss.
An eternity since anything more. All those sensations, all those needs and wants, had gone dormant, been forgotten.
But that gentle brush of contact brought all of it roaring back to life.
Every sip told her she mattered. Every sigh stripped away another layer of the old anxiety that had cloaked her like varnish for years.
There was no demand. No domination or conquering.
He gave. Comfort. Tenderness. Apology. And like a moth to a flame, she flew toward it all, sliding off the stool to wrap around him.
He pulled her close, anchoring her against that hard body that was bigger and taller than she remembered, and yet still somehow felt familiar.
He angled his head, sliding them both deeper into desire.
Her heart thundered in her chest, chanting yes, yes, yes.
But something else, something deeper, had tendrils of panic licking through her.
Grey eased back, pressing his brow to hers, his strong, capable hand cupping her nape. “You’re shaking.”
“I know.” Because he felt like the only stable thing in her orbit, she clung to him, breathing the air he breathed, soaking in his nearness as she struggled to find some kind of even footing.
He made no effort to move away, just held her for long minutes, stroking her back until the trembling finally abated. Even then, he didn’t let her go, just brushed the hair back from her face. “Better?”
She looked into those hazel eyes, noting the lines at the corners. “Steadier, anyway.”
“I should feed you.” But still, he didn’t release her or step back. He seemed to be waiting for something.
An explanation? How could she explain something she barely understood herself? He’d crashed back into her world after all these years and shattered all the assumptions she’d based her life on.
Her fingers flexed against his back, betraying the compulsion to latch on and never let go again. “I wasn’t expecting this. I wasn’t expecting you. Not after how we left things.”
“I stopped holding a grudge a long time ago. But I’d be lying if I didn’t admit you were a big part of what brought me home.
” His fingers skimmed her cheek again as he tucked her hair behind her ear.
“It’s still here, Rebel. And it’s only fair I warn you, I intend to follow up on that, unless you tell me right here, right now, that you’re not interested.
If you’re not, that’s your right. We’ll have a nice meal, and I’ll take you home, and we’ll let the past be the past. But if you are…
” He trailed off, letting her fill in the blanks.
She hadn’t pursued anyone after her divorce.
All her bandwidth had gone into her business and making sure her children were taken care of.
There’d been none left over to put toward someone else, and no one who’d ever tempted her to try.
And even when the kids were grown, off living their own lives, she hadn’t bothered.
There’d been a part of her that hadn’t been able to trust her own judgment, assuming she had lousy taste in men.
But it had never been that. It was that no one else was him.
She’d spent more than thirty years using him as the yardstick and finding every other man falling short.
Her skin was on fire where he’d touched her, and the heart she’d tried to numb so long ago thumped with longing and anticipation. This was a second chance. One she never imagined they’d get. One she didn’t want to walk away from, no matter how hard, how difficult this road was going to be.
“I can’t tell you I’m not interested.”
His mouth curved into a satisfied smile that warmed his eyes. “Good.”
When he started to step back, she tightened her hold for just a moment. “Grey, I need to tell you—” God, how did she say it?
He smiled, framing her face. “We can take this at whatever pace you want, so long as we both get to the same place in the end.”
He thought this was about her being gun-shy.
And, well, maybe she was. But not for any of the reasons he might’ve imagined.
But right now, she wanted to take him at his word.
That they wanted to get to the same place.
The same page. Something they hadn’t managed at eighteen.
Had maybe not been capable of back then.
“I’d like that. I’d like that very much. ”
This time, when he stepped back, she let him go.
“Then for tonight, let’s put the past away. I want to wow you with my culinary accomplishments and talk about the future. And at midnight, I want to kiss you again, to ring in the New Year.”
“That sounds like a pretty amazing end to the year.”
He lifted one of her hands to his lips. “Tonight is only the beginning.”
Giving in to the charm and delight, Rebecca let go of the worry for the moment and grinned. “You definitely have more game than you had at eighteen.”
“I look forward to showing it off.”
As he moved back around the counter to resume his abandoned meal prep, she settled back onto her stool and poured another glass of wine. This was worth it. He was worth it.
But how the hell was she going to tell him he had a son?