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PROLOGUE - The Letter

Dear Wes,

I’m leaving.

I’m leaving Belford.

I’m leaving my father.

I’m leaving Fanny the cat here with you and Toby because I know you’ll take good care of her.

I’m moving to New York.

I’ve been slowly leaving this place ever since my mom died.

You know that.

I’ve been trying to stay away from you because I knew you’d never leave your dad.

You know that too.

What you don’t know is that I wish things were different for us.

I wish that I could be different with you.

I wish I weren’t so afraid of these feelings I have for you.

I don’t know why I am the way I am, but I’ve been like this since before I met you, and I just know that when I’m with you I want to be more. I want to have more. With you.

And that scares me.

And that’s why I’ve hardly ever said to you what I really mean or meant what I said.

One of the last things my mom ever said to me, when she was exhausted and in a daze from the morphine, was that she wasn’t afraid of dying because nothing could be scarier than falling in love and nothing could be as beautiful as letting go of your fear.

She said that she knew I’d already met the love of my life and that her only regret was that she wouldn’t be around to keep me from running away from him.

She said to forgive my dad for not knowing what to do with me.

She said to forgive myself for not knowing what to do other than run away from what I want more than anything.

She said that I can always come home again, but I don’t know if that’s true.

All I know is, I can’t stay here anymore.

I may never be able to know the beauty of letting go of my fear, but at least maybe it will be half as beautiful if I just let go of everything I want here.

Just please keep in touch with me.

Or come find me.

Come be with me.

For a day or a week or a month or forever.

If you can.

If you want to.