Page 11

Chapter eleven

T he next morning, I opened my eyes and saw Eren next to me, still asleep. I studied his face in silence. His cheeks were sunken, his face slimmer than I remembered. There were purple rings around his eyes and his skin didn’t glisten like it used to. His hair was long and unkempt, which was unlike him.

I took in a deep breath, guilt overwhelming me. His eyes opened slowly and he peered into mine. I gave him a small smile, tightening my grip around the pillow. His face remained empty of emotion. He reached out to touch my face, but stopped halfway, before retracting his hand. He rolled over to his back and looked up at the ceiling.

“You’re still here,” he said in a tired voice.

“Did you expect me to be gone when you woke?” I asked.

“Yes,” he replied, getting out of bed. He moved to the bathroom and closed the door. I sat up, hearing the water fill his tub. I curled my knees into my chest and reached for the pictures of our daughter on the nightstand. I looked into her beautifully sculpted eyes … his eyes. I had to make this right with him. I had to fix what I had broken.

I had been so selfish and blind. Lily literally had punched me back into reality. I had been so afraid to let him in, and honestly, I still was. But I had to at least try. I would never know what we could be to each other unless I gave him a chance.

He walked out of the bathroom with only a pair of pants on his lower half. He stopped, seeming still surprised to see me. I slowly got out of the bed and went to him as he reached for a shirt. Even his torso was thinner. He had lost a noticeable amount of weight. His pants hung loosely around his hips, and I could see his ribs. Everything about the male I once feared now seemed frail.

I searched for his eyes, but he refused to look at me. His head was hung in shame. I reached out both of my hands and gently trailed my fingers up his neck to his face. He breathed in deeply, closing his eyes in response to my touch. His hands remained at his sides, not daring to touch me.

It was hard for me to act in this physical way; not just with him, but with anyone … but I wanted to try. I needed to try. For him. For our child. For myself.

I took another step closer, reaching up on my tiptoes before kissing the side of his face softly. I pulled away to see if he would look at me, but his eyes remained closed. I kissed down his cheek slowly. As I moved to the other cheek, I felt his tears under my lips.

I held onto his face, pulling his forehead down towards mine. My heart broke. What had I done? I wrapped my arms around his neck, trying to pull him into me, but he remained planted where he stood.

“I am so sorry, Eren. I am so sorry. Please forgive me,” I whispered.

He reached up and took my wrists in his hands before he pulled them away from him. Our foreheads remained touching. “Stop,” he said softly, still refusing to look at me. “I know what you’re doing.”

I dropped my hands as he moved to the table and slid his shirt over his torso. I waited silently, not knowing what he was thinking. He took a deep breath and turned his profile in my direction.

“You are free to take whoever you are comfortable with into your bed,” he finally said. “Once you’re with child, I won’t deny it’s mine. Just … just try to choose someone that looks like you, or at least without any dominant features. Or not. Just … do whatever makes you happy. I’ll claim the child as my own, so you won’t have to worry about the father trying to take the crown.”

My mouth fell open in disbelief. He would be okay with raising another male’s child. The Eren I knew would never suggest such a thing. He thought my affection just now was to convince him to sleep with me so I could get pregnant. I had told him so many times how disgusted I was by his touch, and now he was willing to look the other way while I laid with another so I could secure my throne.

“Where are you going?” I asked, trying to hold back the tears that desperately wanted to escape.

“Hunting. The threat that Narella warned us about has yet to come, so we are trying to clear as many creatures as possible that are roaming free before another wave comes through the rift.”

“Will you be gone long?”

“All day hopefully,” he said, placing his weapon belt around his thin waist.

“Will you come to my room when you return?” I asked.

He paused. “If that is what you desire,” he said without feeling.

“Yes. That is what I want. Be careful,” I said. He exited the room. I covered my mouth as the shame and pain came tumbling out in a strangled cry. I gathered myself and made my way back to my rooms.

Lily was waiting for me when I arrived. She stood from the couch and closed the book she was reading. How unfair I had been to her. She was only trying to push me towards someone who would make me happy. She walked over towards me as I hugged myself tightly. I handed her the drawings of my daughter. She took them and smiled. Tears escaped her eyes. She looked up to me for answers.

“You were right,” I admitted. “About everything. I am so sorry, Lily. Can you ever forgive me?”

She took me into her arms as I cried on her shoulder. “There’s nothing to forgive,” she whispered, kissing me on the head.

“Do you think he will ever be able to forgive me? He can barely look at me. Gods, how I’ve treated him. The things I’ve said to him and allowed others to say. Why would he ever want me after all the misery I’ve caused him?”

She moved my hair from my face. “Because he loves you, Genevieve. And you love him. I don’t think it was just a coincidence that you’ve been dreaming of him for the past four years. You were having visions of your future … your husband, because the two of you are meant to be together. You will get through this. You just have to fight for him, like he has fought for you. Show him this time will be different; that you want him as much as he wants you.”

“I do want him. Gods, Lily, I do. What was I thinking? I feel like a blindfold has just been lifted from my eyes. Like I’ve been someone else for the past few months. Someone I hate.”

I had allowed the demons to pollute my heart, ripping away everything I had once held dear. And then there was what I had asked Tryverse to do to my mind. Though it wasn’t the young alfar’s fault, the emotional whirlwind it sent me into further confused what had truly been in my heart all along … Eren.

“Well, I am glad to see the old Gen is back. I did so desperately miss her. Now, let’s figure out a way to get you everything you’ve ever wanted,” Lily said, smiling down at me.

I looked into her eyes and realized the fragile, human girl I had risked my life to save was gone. In front of me was a woman who had found her power and strength in the darkest of nights.

“Where did you learn to hit like that?” I asked, a prideful smile stretching across my face.

She shrugged. “Zerrial has been training me all these months.”

“What? Why haven’t you told me?”

“He wanted me to keep it a secret. It’s unusual for an alfar to train a human. Plus, he thinks it would put a target on my back.” She leaned in with a bright smile that lit up her eyes. “I’m pretty badass with a sword too.”

Laughter erupted from my lips. It felt foreign and unnatural, yet somehow, it made me feel alive. “You … with a sword. Can you even pick it up?”

She smacked me in the arm. “I can, and I know how to use it, thank you. Zerrial says I am better than you with the thing anyway.”

“Oh, does he?”

She smiled, pulling me into a hug. “I’m glad you’re back.”

I took a breath. “I’m trying.”

“That’s all that matters.”

The rest of the day I focused on ways to show Eren I wanted to be with him. I ordered a new wardrobe that would display his imprint on my shoulders. I found a gift that I knew he would appreciate, to replace the three women I had given him during the gifting ceremony before our wedding. I instructed the kitchen to prepare a separate dinner for us that would be served in my quarters when he returned.

That night, I eagerly waited in my room. I had a blue dress made that resembled the light blue one I had worn the night after we first slept together. He had seemed to like that ensemble. This one was very similar except it was strapless, to display his imprint prominently. I pulled my hair away from my face so it would be the first thing he saw when he arrived.

The servants prepared a dining table on my balcony. It was late spring, so the air was perfect for the occasion. I had his gift wrapped and ready for him when the time was right.

Lily came rushing into my room with a smile on her face. “They’re back! He just went to his room to bathe, so he should be here in the next few minutes. Do you need anything else?”

“I … I don’t think so,” I replied nervously. “Gods, Lily. What if this doesn’t work? What if I can’t get him to forgive me?”

She pulled me into her. “You need to be willing to give him time to heal, just like he did for you. It isn’t going to be easy, and it’s going to hurt to hear how you made him feel, but it is worth it. He is worth it, right?”

I nodded, smiling at her.

She kissed me on the cheek before turning away. “Oh, sorry for punching you by the way.”

I laughed at her. “I deserved it.”

“Yeah, you did.”

“Thank you … for everything.”

“You’re welcome.” She left while I waited for him to arrive.

Eren arrived in a clean pair of black leather pants and a loose shirt. His hair was still damp from his bath. I stood up from the couch and smiled, making my way over to him. He nodded with a forced smirk. He took in my appearance slowly, stopping at the imprint on my shoulder. His eyes examined the marking, even though he tried not to. He forced his eyes from my shoulder before he turned and headed to the whisky.

“Are you hungry?” I asked.

“I’m fine. I’ll grab something before I go back to my room.”

“Actually, I was hoping we could have dinner together. Just the two of us,” I said, opening the pocket doors to my room. He hesitated, before stepping towards the balcony.

The small round table was filled with foods I knew he enjoyed. Small pearls of light floated overhead. The smell of lavender filled the air.

I looked back to see his expression. His eyes traveled around the balcony as his brow furrowed. He was trying to figure out what I was up to.

“What do you think?” I asked.

“I told you already this isn’t necessary. I won’t touch you. I promise. You can take whoever you want to conceive an heir.”

I took a step towards him, cautiously taking his hands in mine. I shook my head. “That isn’t why I did this. I don’t want to take anyone else. I just—” I exhaled, not knowing what to say. “Can we just have a nice meal together?”

“You’re the princess,” he said coldly.

“Yes, and you’re the prince.”

“Crowned prince. I could be replaced tomorrow.” He pulled away, looking out into the landscape.

“Eren, please,” I whispered.

He regarded me for a brief moment and then nodded. We sat at the table and ate our meal in silence. I waited to see if he would say anything, but he didn’t. Lily had said I would have to fight.

“How was the hunt?” I asked.

“Successful. We took a new group of warriors out into the field today, Zerrial and I. They did well. We killed four creatures that are new to us. We ran into more of those scaled, needle-tailed beasts we faced last time we hunted together,” he said, a bite in his tone.

Right, the hunt where he had risked his life to save me, and I had left him there to die.

“Well, that’s good. A few less creatures to worry about.”

He didn’t reply. He sat back into his chair, whiskey in hand while focusing on the horizon. I stood, making my way back into my room.

“I have something for you.” I brought out the rectangle box and held it out for him.

“What is this?” he asked, looking at the box suspiciously.

“A gift. To replace the three women I gave you during our gifting ceremony before our wedding.”

He took the box slowly and opened it. Inside was a leather sketchbook with his name, King Erendrial Valor Lyklor , burned into the cover. A new set of the finest graphite pencils and charcoal were tucked in a canvas holder. He didn’t take it out or even touch the items. He just sat looking at them blankly.

“Do you like it?” I asked.

He tossed it on the table and stared at me, folding his hands on his lap. “What is all this?” he snapped, gesturing to the table and gift. “What are you doing? I can’t handle this back and forth with you anymore. So, what is it that you want, Genevieve?”

Not quite the reaction I was expecting. “I’m … I’m trying to make things right between us.”

“Why? Why now? What changed?”

“I … I woke up. That, and Lily literally punched some sense into me.”

He laughed under his breath. “Sweet little Lilian hit you?” he asked with astonishment.

“She’s pretty strong for her size.”

“The lessons with Zerrial must be paying off then.”

“You knew he was training her?”

“Of course I did. Who do you think suggested the idea in the first place? As soon as I confirmed who you were and the importance she held in your life, I insisted she be trained. She’s a human in the world of fae. She needs to be able to protect herself.”

Even before all of this, he had still been protecting what I loved … protecting my heart.

I knelt in front of him, placing my hands on his knees. He snapped his attention to me, surprised by my touch.

“I’ve been so unfair to you,” I started to say. “I’ve treated you horribly, while you were trying to care for me. You’ve given up so much for me, and I threw it all back in your face. I took out my pain and anger on you and you didn’t deserve that. I am so sorry, Eren. Can you ever forgive me?”

“You have nothing to apologize for. You’ve been through enough,” he said, looking away.

“Eren, I want to make things right between us. I want this to be a real marriage. If that is still something you also desire,” I said, reaching for his face, pulling him into me.

He exhaled, trying to keep his composure. He gently took my hands and pushed me away. “I’m going to need some time,” he said softly.

“I’ll wait. For as long as you need, I will wait,” I replied, smiling.

“Gen, how do I know this is real? One minute you can’t stomach the sight of me, and now you’re telling me you want me. How am I supposed to believe that this is real, when you’ve been telling me for months my very touch sickens you?”

“I wasn’t myself. I thought pushing you away would somehow make things easier to handle. But now I realize that is the last thing I needed. I know it is going to take time for you to believe me when I say I want you, but I do. I do want you. I plan to spend the rest of my life showing you just how much,” I said, hoping he would smile, but it didn’t come. His face remained collected.

“We’ll see.” He stood, taking his present and walked around me towards the exit. He turned back, without looking at me. “Thank you for dinner. And for the gift.”

I stood, while tears fell down my face. “You’re welcome.”

He left my room without another word.