Page 49 of At the Heart of It (The Can’t Have Hearts Club #4)
He shook his head, still trembling with anger. “God, I’m such a dumbass.” He kept pacing, but felt his sister’s eyes on him. Back and forth. Back and forth. He was such a pathetic cliché.
“So you’re mad at yourself,” Jossy said.
“Yes.”
“And Viv and the producers and all the TV people.”
“Yes.”
“But you’re taking it out on Kate.”
He stopped pacing and whirled to face her. Something about hearing her name was like a bucket of cold water tossed on his face. He thought about her standing out there on the porch in the rain and felt his heart split right down the middle.
“I didn’t spill my guts to Chase,” he said. “I didn’t sleep with the cameraman.”
“That would make for one helluva reality show.”
He glared at his sister. “Not in the mood for jokes, Jossy.”
“Owl.”
He glared at Marilyn. “You have something to say?”
The cat lifted both eyebrows in scorn, but refrained from further comment. He looked back at his sister, who was glaring at him with more heat in her eyes than Jonah had seen in a long time.
She pointed at the sofa. “Sit down.”
“What for?”
“Because I said so!”
Jonah sat, not sure why he was following orders given by someone whose diapers he’d helped change. Then again, he’d spent a lifetime doing whatever he thought would make Jossy happy. Now wasn’t the time to stop.
He picked up a beer can off the coffee table, knowing it was empty and had been sitting there all week. He just needed something to hold. Or maybe he wanted to crush it, feeling the aluminum crumple in his fist as he?—
“What’s pissing you off more?” Jossy asked. “That you might look dumb on national television, or Kate kept a secret from you?”
“Why the hell am I supposed to pick?” he demanded. “Both are pretty shitty.”
Jossy rolled her eyes and stroked a hand down Marilyn’s back. The cat gave a chirp that sounded like a snort of disgust.
“Have you ever seen reality TV?” Jossy demanded. “Because this is how it works. They’re always trying to blindside someone to get the big reveal. To get the ratings.”
“What, you’re an expert in reality television now?”
Jossy grabbed a balled-up napkin off the couch and threw it at him. “I’ve watched every episode of The Bachelor and The Bachelorette for God knows how many seasons. I think I have an idea how these stupid shows are supposed to work.”
“Is this where you rub it in?” he said. “Where you tell me I should have been watching with you all along so I wouldn’t be such a clueless twit?”
“Yes, that’s my point exactly.” Jossy’s voice oozed with sarcasm. “I’m here to tell you that you would have been a lot smarter if you’d spent the last several decades watching strangers get naked and use questionable grammar on national television.”
Jonah grunted and set down the beer can. He grabbed a handful of pretzels from the bowl on the table before remembering they’d been there since Tuesday. He looked down at them, not surprised to see someone had licked the salt off all of them.
He looked up at Marilyn, who closed her eyes and telegraphed her disgust. What are you going to do about it?
Jossy sighed, seeming to develop a little sympathy at last. “Let me ask you something, Jonah. Why did you decide to do the show?”
He scowled at the pretzels and didn’t look up. “For the money.”
“Right, I gathered that. But you got decent money off your book deal with Viv. And I know the bookstore isn’t killing it, but you do okay, right?”
“I do fine.”
“So why did you need more money?”
He thought about not answering her. About coming up with some bullshit story about fleshing out his artistic horizons or redeeming himself in the wake of the book.
But after a month filled with dishonesty, he probably owed her more than that. He took a deep breath and met his sister’s eyes.
“To help you out,” he said. “To make repairs at the shelter and maybe even buy you a computer-controlled knee. I thought if you had that, you could take up cycling again. Maybe not competitively, but if you could just ride again?—”
“You might not feel guilty anymore?” Jossy shook her head, then reached out and rested a hand on his knee. “I thought it was something like that.”
He sighed. “Look, Joss. You loved cycling so much, and it was just taken from you.” I took it from you , he thought but didn’t say. “There’s no way to ride with the prosthetic you have now, and insurance will never pay for a computer-controlled one. I thought I could?—”
“You thought you could sneak around behind my back and pull puppet strings without telling me?”
Jonah swallowed. “You’re pissed.”
“I’m not pissed. I’m trying to make you see you’re being kind of a hypocrite here.”
“I don’t see the connection.”
Jossy sighed again, and Jonah could tell she was on the brink of throwing something besides a napkin.
“I’d call you a dumbass right now, but you’re clearly sensitive about it. So I’m not going to.”
“Your restraint is admirable.”
Jossy shook her head and stared at him. “You think it’s okay for you to sneak around behind my back because it’s well intentioned.
Maybe you’ve convinced yourself it’s okay because it’s for my own benefit, or maybe you even have the self-awareness to realize you’re doing it to ease your own guilt.
It doesn’t matter, actually. It doesn’t change the fact that you’re making decisions that affect my life without telling me about it. ”
He dropped the pretzels back in the bowl and frowned down at them. “It’s not the same thing at all.”
“It is the same thing,” she said. “You love me, and Kate loves that damn show. Not just as a television program, but as a way of helping people. As a way of spreading a message that’s had meaning for her.”
He looked up at his sister. “You’re not really comparing my love for my sister to a producer’s love for her television show?”
“For what that show stands for, at least in Kate’s mind. The power of love. The power of positive thinking. The power of not giving up on relationships or people.”
He shook his head. “You’re giving her too much credit.”
“And you’re not giving her enough,” Jossy snapped. “You want to know why you’re really so pissed?”
“Not particularly.”
“Because you love her.”
“No.” Jonah shook his head.
“Yes.”
“No.”
“Yes.”
“No.”
Jossy stood up and grabbed the bowl of pretzels. Before Jonah could say anything, she’d upended the entire thing on his head. He sat there, dumbstruck, as twisted bits of pretzel tumbled into his lap.
“You did not just do that,” he said.
“Damn right I did.” She glared down at his crumb-speckled head. “Seriously, people pay for your relationship insights and communication skills? You’re talking like a petulant toddler.”
“Do as I say, not as I do,” he muttered, shaking a trio of pretzels off his sleeve.
Jossy shook her head. “There’s no way you’d be this upset if you hadn’t fallen for her.”
He started to argue, but stopped himself. Did she have a point? Pissed as he was, could he at least acknowledge that much?
“Maybe,” he muttered.
“So you admit it,” Jossy said. “You fell for her.”
“So? It’s a moot point now anyway.”
“Because you’re walking away from the show?”
“That’s right.” Jonah started to rake his hands through his hair again before remembering his head was covered in pretzel dust. He sighed and dropped his useless fists into his lap. “I don’t know.”
“What if I said I wanted you to stick it out?” Jossy said softly. “That I really want that prosthetic leg? That I want you to do whatever it takes to get it for me.”
Jonah felt his heart quiver. He turned and looked at his sister. “Do you?”
She stared at him for such a long time that Jonah thought she might not answer again. “Maybe.”
It was a start. “Then I’ll do whatever it takes to get it for you.”
“Anything?”
“Anything.” He meant it, too. If she wanted him to lie down on hot coals or stick paper clips under his fingernails or?—
“Go back to the show,” she said. “Give Kate a chance.”
He stared at her. “Give her a chance with the show ,” he said carefully.
“With the show,” she agreed.
On the back of the couch, Marilyn stood up and stretched, lifting both eyebrows with intense skepticism.
“Owl.” Her expression was one of disdain, though Jonah could have sworn he heard approval in the lone syllable. “Owl!” she said again, more adamant this time.
He looked back at his sister. “Just the show,” he said. If I agree to finish it out, that’s all I’m agreeing to.”
Jossy gave him a small smile and leaned over to pluck a pretzel from his hair. “We’ll see about that.”