Page 48 of At the Heart of It (The Can’t Have Hearts Club #4)

K ate stood on Jonah’s doorstep breathing in and out, watching raindrops spatter on rhododendron leaves that looked silver under the streetlight. She clenched her fists at her sides, steeling herself to knock.

“There’s nothing braver than facing your own fears. Having the difficult conversation instead of running away.”

The words echoed in her head, and it annoyed Kate to be standing here in the rain with Viv’s voice in her ears. She tried to recall which book they’d come from. On the Other Hand ? But Not Broken ?

Hell, maybe she’d made them up herself.

She was still trying to figure it out when the door flew open.

“Jonah.”

She swallowed hard, and looked at him, trying to remember the speech she’d been rehearsing in her head. Something about forgiveness and professional obligations and?—

“I said I didn’t want to talk, Kate,” he said. “I know you don’t have a helluva lot of respect for other people’s boundaries, but this is flat-out trespassing.”

The anger in his words made her throat squeeze up, but she swallowed hard to make her voice work. “I’m not here to defend myself,” she said, even though a tiny part of her wanted to do just that. “I just wanted to explain what happened. Why I had to follow orders when it came to?—”

“Right, of course.” He folded his arms over his chest and leaned against the door frame. “Because you’re such a rule follower?”

She swallowed again, ignoring the raindrop that slithered down the side of her neck. “Acting in the best interest of the show is my job,” she said.

“Even when it comes at the expense of the people involved with the show?”

She balled her hands in the pockets of her jacket and forced herself to hold eye contact.

“Jonah, you have to believe my hands were tied.” Her voice sounded tear choked and she struggled to get it under control.

“I did everything I could to convince them not to go through with it. To do the right thing. I tried to tell them it was a bad idea.”

“To make me look like a dumbass on national television? To blindside me with the news that I fucked up my own divorce, and I’m still technically married to the esteemed Dr. Brandt?”

His words felt like blows to her chest. “No one meant for you to look like a dumbass,” she whispered.

Jonah sighed. He looked more sad than angry, but the dark edge in his voice told her there was a mix of both. “Kate, what was the one thing I asked for when I agreed to do the show?”

“Besides money?”

It was a bit of a jab, but she had to put that out there. To remind him that his involvement in the program wasn’t just some benevolent gesture on his part. That there was something else at stake here. A chance to help his sister, to make a difference in her life.

Jonah glared, but didn’t take the bait. “I wanted a chance to repair my image,” he said. “To stop looking like the idiot buffoon and have a chance to contribute something meaningful.”

“You did contribute something meaningful,” she said. “Those couples?—”

“Are having a good laugh at my expense,” he said. “The dyslexic dumbshit who can’t even file his own divorce papers right.”

“Jonah, no. It could happen to anyone.”

“But not on national television,” he said. “You could have chosen to handle it privately.”

“I didn’t have a choice.” Kate shook her head, hating the hurt in his eyes more than the anger in his voice. “I did my best to stop the train wreck. I even thought about forging signatures. Trying to push your divorce through so no one would ever have to know.”

“Forgery?” Jonah shook his head and looked at her with disgust. “A felony is your idea of doing the right thing?”

Kate gritted her teeth. “I said I considered it,” she said. “I didn’t do it. But I did try to stop them from going this direction. I explained to them what you’d shared with me about wanting to move out of Viv’s shadow.”

“So that’s what it was all about?” He snorted. “It all makes sense now. Sleep with me to get the dirt to make the show better.”

Rain lashed the leaves behind her, sending a trickle of ice water down her neck. She wished he’d invite her inside, but knew that wasn’t going to happen. “That’s not why I slept with you,” she said softly. “That’s not what happened at all.”

It was almost like he didn’t hear her. “God, to think I actually believed that was real.”

“It was real, Jonah. You have to know that.”

He frowned as if a new thought had just occurred to him. “Wait. Was this planned out from the start? When we met in Ashland that first time?—”

“Of course not!” Kate snapped, stung by the accusation. “I was as surprised as you were when you showed up at Viv’s house that first day. I had no idea who you were, and I sure as hell didn’t mean to fall for you.”

“When did you know about the divorce?” he demanded.

Kate fumbled around in her brain. Not for the date, but for the wording in her contract. Was that a detail she couldn’t reveal? She couldn’t be sure.

“I can’t say,” she said softly.

“Can’t, or won’t?”

“Can’t,” she repeated. “Look, I couldn’t say anything. I still can’t say too much about?—”

“You’ve said more than enough.”

Kate stomped her foot, irritated with herself for such a cliché gesture and for the fact that it only served to splash muddy water up her calves. “Dammit, Jonah. The execs had the information. You can’t blame them for wanting to catch an authentic reaction from you on camera.”

“Oh, it was authentic, all right. Probably the only authentic thing in this whole made-for-TV mess.”

“That’s not true,” she said. “The way I felt about you—the way I still feel about you?—”

“Spare me, Kate. People who care about each other don’t let the other person get blindsided on national television. They don’t plot behind that person’s back to make the other person look like an idiot. You just don’t do that.”

Kate swallowed hard, wishing she could make him understand. Wishing she could make herself understand. “You were a Marine,” she tried. “You know what it’s like to have to carry out orders you may not agree with.”

A muscle ticked in his jaw. “Yeah, and I also understand about integrity and honor. About not sacrificing people for your own self-interests.”

She took a shaky breath, wishing she could say more. Wishing her goddamn contract hadn’t tied up her hands like a Thanksgiving turkey.

“I know it’s hard to understand,” she said slowly, “but this show is important. Not just to me and to my career, but to potential viewers,” she said. “If it can help even a handful of people who are struggling, isn’t it worth a little sacrifice to get them to tune in and watch?”

Jonah’s eyes narrowed. “Spoken like someone who wasn’t the one making the sacrifice.”

She blinked hard, but her eyelids had given up the fight. A tear slipped down one cheek, then another. Or maybe that was the rain, trailing through her hair and down the back of her neck. She shivered under the porch light, wishing her brain weren’t picturing how this would all look on camera.

It would be a terrific shot.

“I love you, Jonah.”

A flash of emotion played across his face. Surprise, hurt, confusion. He stared at her for a moment, then glanced at the bush over her shoulder. “Let me guess. Are the hidden cameras documenting this?”

“What? No, of course not!”

“Oh, right—because you’re above using a hidden camera to get the shot you want?” He shook his head. “I saw the one in your hand at Viv’s place.”

Ice slashed through her. “I was just?—”

“Carrying out orders?” Jonah shook his head. “That’s more than just a passive role in the game. You were in charge, Kate. And I was the dupe who fell for it.”

Kate’s gut churned. “No one meant to make you look stupid, Jonah. That’s not what it was about.”

“No? You mean it was just a happy bonus?” He snorted. “From the start, that’s what everyone wanted. The chest-thumping Neanderthal who’d curse and say stupid shit and take his shirt off on cue.”

“That’s not true.”

“That’s exactly how it’ll play on TV,” he said. “Tell me I’m wrong.”

Kate swallowed hard. He wasn’t wrong. That was the worst of it. “Jonah, I never meant for it to happen like this.”

“Yes, you did.” The venom was gone from his voice, replaced by a tiredness that made Kate ache more than his anger had. “You wanted drama. You wanted a spectacle, and you got it. Congratulations, Kate.”

And with that, he shut the door in her face for the second time that day.

Jonah turned and stalked through his entryway without a word. Thunder boomed behind him like some fucking special effect in a TV show. In his TV show.

“Fuck you,” he muttered, then felt like a jackass for cursing at the weather.

From the back of the sofa, Marilyn regarded him with silent judgment.

The person stroking the cat’s back wasn’t as silent.

“Don’t you think you were kind of harsh just now?” Jossy said.

“No.”

“Way to keep an open mind.”

He stepped around the sofa but didn’t sit down. He was too keyed up. He raked his hands through his hair and paced in front of the fireplace. “She played me for a fucking chump,” he said. “It’s bad enough that I seem like an idiot for botching my own divorce, but she set me up.”

Jossy frowned and tucked her good leg up under her on the sofa. “Why are you pissed at Kate? You should be mad at the executives or Viv or the cameraman.”

“Or myself,” he muttered. “I’m the one who fucked up the damn paperwork.”

“I wasn’t going to point that out.”

“God, I’m such an idiot,” he fumed. “I remember all that shit showing up in the mail and thinking Viv had just gone ahead and filed. That she’d given me a task to do, and then done it herself like always.

I assumed—” He shook his head. “Never mind. Isn’t that what they say about why you never ass ume anything? ”

“Because it makes and ass of u and me ?”

“Exactly.”

“Owl,” said Marilyn.

“You keep out of this,” Jonah muttered.

“You’re arguing with a cat,” Jossy pointed out. “Don’t you think you’re overreacting just a little?”