Page 22

CHAPTER 22

Camden

I do not work on it.

In fact, from the time we leave the next morning until our second game in a series against Omaha two nights later, I do the opposite. I continue to push aside any thoughts of my family, and now, I’m avoiding Naomi as well.

Despite winning tonight, the mood in the locker room is subdued. I’m not sure if everyone’s just exhausted from back-to-backs, or if the dark cloud of my mood, which turned black the night Mike cut my hair, is spreading.

Maybe it’s less of a dark cloud and more of an infection.

See? I am a little ray of pitch-black melodrama right now. I can’t even stand the sound of my own thoughts.

Everyone gives me a wide berth. Even Coach barely said anything about me dropping gloves in the third period with one of their fourth liners who was clearly trying to provoke me. Fighting, something I rarely do, means five minutes in the box, putting strain on the other defensive pairs.

It was stupid. And now my cheek is swollen. I’m not sure I ever landed a blow. It’s harder to land a punch on skates than one might think. Mostly, we held each other by the jerseys while taking wild swings. His connected. Mine didn’t.

And I felt no better about it or anything else while watching my team play from my spot in the penalty box.

Knowing I need to repair things with my family and knowing how to do it are two different things. How can I pick up the phone to call when I stopped answering their calls years ago? Maybe they don’t want to have me back in their lives. Maybe reaching out will make things worse.

All I know is that I feel like I’ve been pinned down under an avalanche of unwelcome emotions. I don’t want to subject Naomi or anyone else to it, so I’m just … quietly imploding, I guess.

Or, as Mike said years ago—I’m fighting ghosts. Still.

Now, some brave soul pauses in front of my stall, where I’m still sitting in my gear.

A towel. Water dripping onto the floor. Bare feet, wet from the shower. One kicks me in the shin.

“Yo, Cole. Are you coming out to dinner?”

I glance up at Van with the kind of look that would wilt spring flowers. “Do I look like I’m coming to dinner?”

I expect him to scamper away, like everyone else has who’s been subjected to me on this trip. But Van doesn’t budge. He frowns and crosses his arms over his bare chest and the massive dragon tattoo he has.

“You look like you should come to dinner. You look like you need to come to dinner.”

“And why would I need that?”

“Because you’re acting hangry,” Dumbo says.

“Hush,” Tucker says, giving Dumbo a shove. “Don’t poke the honey badger.”

“I think the expression is don’t poke the bear,” Felix says.

“Yeah, but honey badgers are meaner than bears. I’d rather poke a bear.”

“Maybe it would be best not to poke Camden at all,” Logan says.

“Hey, Nikki. Have you got a Russian phrase about poking bears?” Van asks.

I try to tune them all out while starting to take off my gear. I’d like to get out of this building, get back to the hotel and … wallow, I guess.

Actually, that sounds terrible.

For the last few weeks of road games, I had Naomi’s texts and calls to look forward to. But the idea of opening the unread messages from her sitting on my phone fills me with dread.

Is it fair that I’ve been avoiding her since the other night? No.

Can I even give a good reason? Also no.

But am I still doing it? Yup.

“In Russia we don’t say poke the bear,” Dominik says. “We say jokes with the bear are bad. Or don’t tease the dog when it’s behind the fence.”

“Huh,” Van says, running a hand through his wet hair. “Kinda close, I guess.”

Dumbo looks thoughtful. “The question becomes: Is Camden behind a fence?”

“And is he a bear, a honey badger, or a dog?” Tucker asks.

“I’m just a guy who wants to be left alone,” I snap.

And so they do as I ask.

Which leaves me even more miserable than before.

* * *

They don’t leave me alone for long.

I’ve almost fallen asleep when I hear a shuffling noise outside my door. Then the sound of someone swiping a card. The door swings open and a slice of light fills the room. It reveals several tall silhouettes before the door slams shut again.

I don’t even have time to untangle myself from the covers before the first body lands on top of my legs.

“Ow!” a familiar voice says. “Watch my knee.”

Grunting, I try to sit up and push Van off. “You’re the one who jumped on me!”

Another person jumps on my chest, knocking me back, pinning my arms beneath a heavy body. “If you stop struggling, this will be over faster.”

“Nathan?! Why are you—ow.”

Someone turns on a phone light, blinding me. Then the lamp switches on. Aside from Van and Nathan, who are lying across my body, Logan, Felix, Eli, and Dominik are in the room.

“What is this?” I ask, trying to wiggle free.

This only results in Eli throwing himself on top of both Van and Nathan. Only, instead of being sideways, he’s lying in the same direction I am, so his face is about a foot above mine.

“This,” Eli says, “is a gift from Naomi.”

“Somehow, I doubt that.”

“He’s telling the truth.” Naomi’s voice is in the room, and I realize Logan is holding up his phone with an active call. “I didn’t ask them to do whatever it is they’re doing.”

“Assault is what they’re doing,” I grumble. “What did you ask them to do?”

“I asked them to get you on the phone since you’ve been refusing to answer my calls or texts.”

“So, remember, this is your fault,” Van says.

“Right,” I say. “Can you all leave now so I can talk to my girlfriend?”

Eli grins down at me. “Nope. We’ve been instructed to stay for the conversation.”

“You want to have a conversation with me while these guys are listening in?” I ask Naomi.

“I don’t really care who listens in as long as you listen, Cole.”

“Oooh, someone’s in trouble,” Van whispers from my legs. “She’s pulling out the last name.”

“Shut it, Vanity,” Naomi says, and several of the guys start laughing. “Maybe all of you could also shut up? Respectfully,” she adds.

I think I just fell in love with her a little bit more.

“Guys,” Nathan says. “Be quiet. I want to get this done and go to sleep.”

“The floor is yours, Naomi,” Logan says. “Camden is listening.”

“Along with the rest of you,” I mutter.

Naomi jumps right in. “Camden, I owe you an apology. A big one.”

I’m the one who owes her an apology. But I feel totally weird talking about this with all of the guys listening in. “I don’t think that’s true, but okay.”

“It is true. When you told me you loved me?—”

The guys break out into whistles and ooohs until Nathan yells, “I swear if all of you don’t shut up now and stay shut up …”

“You’ll what?” Van challenges.

Nathan shifts, which makes Eli roll off of me and onto the floor. I can’t see what Nathan does to Van, but he howls in pain.

Someone starts banging on the wall.

“Enough.”

This one word cracks like a whip through the room. Dominik is the one who said it, and I’m surprised to find that everyone actually listens.

“I promise this won’t take long,” Naomi says. “Camden, when you told me you loved me, I was completely shocked. In the best way. But I hadn’t expected it. And then the whole car horn thing happened—shut up Van,” she says just as he starts to chuckle. A few of the guys try to hide their laughter. I even find myself smiling.

“I felt like the mood was ruined, so I decided to save it for the right time,” Naomi continues. “I thought I’d know when that was, and it would be really special.”

“That’s sweet,” Eli whispers from the floor.

“It would have been sweet,” Naomi continues, “but then I got wrapped up thinking about the perfect moment. The other night at your house I wanted to say it. Then I started overthinking, like maybe it wouldn’t be the right time because you were upset. While you were struggling seemed like the worst time to tell you I love you.”

She loves me.

I knew it, have known it, even if she hadn’t said it out loud. I’m not sure this technically counts as her saying it. But it’s an admission nonetheless, and one I desperately needed to hear.

I’ve been frozen since she started speaking in earnest, and not just because I’m buried under the combined weight of Nathan and Van. While it’s an intensely vulnerable thing to be listening to this with so many people in the room, I’m surprised by the comfort they bring.

I’m not alone.

I haven’t been alone, even if I’ve done my best for a long time to isolate myself. From my family, from my teammates, and from Naomi.

“I love you, Camden Cole,” Naomi says. “And I was wrong to think there would be a perfect time to say it. I should have said it the moment I knew. Or at the very least, I should have said it when you told me. I love you, and I’m sorry I waited to say it.”

“I love you,” I say, fully expecting a whole bunch of ribbing from the guys. Surprisingly, they’re quiet.

Other than Eli, who sniffles from his spot on the floor.

“Dude, are you crying?!” Van whispers.

“Shut up, Van.”

When I glance at the phone, Logan’s grinning. For once, it’s not teasing but a full, genuine smile. And if I’m not mistaken, his eyes are bright with what look like unshed tears.

Is this something I have to look forward to? Will falling in love turn me into the kind of guy who cries at everything?

Possibly. Because a deep swell of emotion is building in my chest, and my nose starts to burn.

“I’m sorry for pushing you away,” I tell her. “I have some things I need to deal with.”

“I talked to Mike,” Naomi says, and I suck in a breath.

“About my family?” I ask.

“No. I just asked him what I should do to fix things with us. He said I needed to chase you down. To not let you run. And as a person who excels in the figurative running away, I relate.”

“He was right,” I say. “Mike’s right about a lot of things.”

“I’ll tell him you said that.” I hear a smile in her voice, but with her next words, it disappears. “I don’t want to run anymore, Camden. I want to put down roots, build something lasting. Forget about rental furniture and leases. I want that—and I want it with you.”

I swallow. “I want that too.”

“Good,” she says. “Because sometimes, I might be the one running, and you might need to chase me down.”

“I will,” I promise. “I’ll always come after you.”

Eli sniffs, and Van chuckles. But then he sniffs too, and Nathan laughs. “I saw that.”

“Saw what?” Van says defensively.

“A tear. You’re crying.”

“I’m just allergic to this comforter,” Van says. “Or whatever they use to wash it.”

“They don’t wash comforters,” Dominik says. “Not ever. Filthy. I saw it on 60 Minutes .”

“Ew!” Van yells, and someone starts banging on the wall again.

“That’s only in the cheap hotels,” Nathan says. “They use duvet covers in the hotels we stay in. They get washed after every guest.”

“So you say,” Dominik shrugs.

Nathan and Van finally climb off me. I sit up and stretch out my neck.

“Well, Naomi,” Logan says. “Is that everything? Anything else to say?”

“Van,” she says, and his head perks up. “Liam says to tell you that you had too many turnovers in the neutral zone tonight.”

Logan laughs, and Van glowers. “It was only one time.”

“Bye, Camden! I love you,” Naomi says.

Now that I’m not buried under bodies and can literally see all the guys looking at me, it feels a little weird to say out loud, but I do it anyway. “I love you too. See you when I get home.”

Logan ends the call and reaches over to slap me on the back. “Way to show that emotional maturity. Good job.”

“Does this mean you’ll stop being such a grouch?” Van asks. “Nathan has claimed that role.”

Nathan growls and lunges for Van, who ducks behind Felix. I almost forgot he was here since he hasn’t said a word. But now, he nods at me and says, “I’m happy for you. And I’m sorry for … whatever it is that you’ve been struggling with.”

He doesn’t remind me that I still haven’t shared as much as I need to with the guys. He doesn’t need to. I’m very aware.

“What can we do?” Dominik asks. “Can we help?”

The reflexive answer is to tell him no, they can’t help. To say that I’m fine. That I’ve got this.

But I swallow down that response and instead say, “Yes. I think I need some help.”

It wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be to admit it.

“Just tell us how,” Felix says, even as Nathan grumbles, “I wanted to go to sleep.”

I consider the thoughts that have been flitting through my mind for the past few days. Some, even longer than that.

“Eli, didn’t you hire a live-in caregiver to help with your mom recently?”

“Yeah,” he says. “You have help, though, right?”

“I do, but I think I want to switch up the arrangement, and I have some questions.”

“Happy to answer any of them,” he says.

“And who knows a good real estate agent?”

Felix lifts a hand. “Me.”

I keep forgetting he owns the whole building where his loft is. “Great.”

“I like his agent,” Dominik says. “She’s very helpful.”

I’m not the only one who stares at him in shock.

“The Kid is buying real estate?” Van says.

Dominik shrugs. “What? It’s a good investment. And I like it here.”

“Anything else?” Nathan asks, and though he still looks irritated, he’s also sincere.

I would love help with the hardest task—my family. But it’s something I need to do on my own. Even if I should probably talk to the guys about it later. I know several of my teammates have had hard family issues and would probably be glad to talk.

My family is something I need to deal with on my own.

Actually … maybe that’s not true. But I’ll have to wait until I’m back home and the person whose support I need most is by my side.