Page 42 of As They Are (Strawberry Springs #2)

My heart sank. “O-oh. I mostly stay in work clothes.”

“Uh, duh. It so suits you. I just got in some new colors that would work so well with your vibe. Oh! And a set of comfortable clothes for your days off.”

“You’re not trying to force me in dresses or anything?”

“No!” she scoffed. “The best outfit is what you’re comfortable in.”

“She’s so good at dressing people,” Jade added. “But the work clothes she’s found are so cute I might wear them.”

Jade was in combat boots and a skirt. I couldn’t see her wearing anything other than those.

Which meant the collection must have been good.

“I need to make sure we’re going to local businesses too. Henry could also shop.”

“Oh, Henry. I order sweaters just for him.” Grace sighed with a fond expression on her face. “What a little nerd.”

“Are you close with him?” I had to talk around the cotton in my throat.

Grace’s eyes widened. “Not like that! Only as a friend!”

“Girl code is in session here,” Jade said. “The second one of us is into someone, they’re off-limits.”

“Is that what you did with Cain?”

“Cain was never an option,” Jade said. “I don’t do things with men I know too well. Tried it once, and it didn’t work out for me.”

“Gabriel talk is banned ,” Grace said. “He’s dead to us.”

Jade put up her hands. “Sorry!”

I felt like I was missing a ton of context, but I wasn’t sure if I was mad about it. They seemed welcoming, even though my time here was limited.

“I can stop all talk about men,” Mollie said. Then she turned to me, all joy gone from her face. “Where’s the cake?”

“Henry’s not here yet.”

“Yes he is,” she said, pointing to the door. I turned to see him striding in, his hair in its usual pushed-back position. I wanted to go to him, but Mollie grabbed my shoulders. “Wren, I’m dying here!”

“Jeez, okay! You’ve been pushy since you got knocked up.”

“At least I’m making sure everyone’s on schedule.”

I put up my hands in mock defense before heading to the kitchen.

Mollie bounced on the balls of her feet as I brought it out and Cain smiled while looking at her. I set it on the table and gave her the knife before stepping back.

The whole room waited on the edges of their seats as the knife dipped into the cake.

And then Mollie saw the pink center.

The whole room erupted in cheers. But no one was more excited than Mollie and Cain. She jumped and hugged both him and Jackie. Cain reached down to talk to her rounded belly, and tears of joy leaked out from her eyes.

They were the perfect little family, and I knew that their daughter was going to have the best life.

I’d seen pictures of a party like this. In them, a woman with strawberry-blonde hair was holding up a cupcake with pink in it. She’d been excited like this too.

And then she met me.

My whole chest ached as I remembered the photo. It hurt so badly that tears prickled my eyes.

Fuck. I was spiraling, and that was the last thing I wanted to do on Mollie’s big day. Out of habit, I searched for Henry, who was congratulating Cain. I was tempted to get his attention and tell him exactly what was going on.

But that would mean cracking open the deepest secret I had, and he’d been clear that neither of us needed to get things confused when it came to this fake relationship. I’d met his mom, but hadn’t even seen the inside of his house, which was just a short walk away.

No, I needed to deal with this alone. If he knew, then he would know everything about me.

I stumbled to the back of the restaurant, glad that Ron was still engrossed in his newspaper. I rounded the corner and fell to the floor, pressing a hand to my eyes.

Tammy was right. I’d run from this for too long. I’d hidden this until I couldn’t anymore.

“You okay, kid?”

I looked up and saw Tammy. “What are you doing here?”

“I saw you come back here. Thought you might need to talk.”

“You don’t have to miss the party.”

“But you are,” she said. “And I’d told you I’d be here. So, scoot.” I let out a breath before moving over. Tammy got onto the floor next to me. “Are you gonna tell me, or do you want me to guess?”

I had a feeling she wouldn’t guess this one. I reached for my phone and scrolled back to one of the oldest photos I ever had and passed it over to her.

“My mom had a gender reveal like this.”

“You look a lot like her.”

“If you keep scrolling, you’ll see where she kept everything. Logs about how I kicked, excited notes on all the things we’d do.” I squeezed my fists. “I found it two years after she abandoned me.”

Tammy sucked in a breath and looked over at me with wide eyes. “What?”

“You know how most kids with divorced parents live with their moms and visit their dads? It was the opposite for me. I lived with Dad and went to go see Mom when she would have me. She started a new family and had the daughter she wanted. And when I proved I wasn’t who she wanted, she .

.. ghosted me. Disappeared. Told Dad I was too much for her. ”

“Then she’s not a mother.” Tammy’s voice was low.

“That’s the thing, she is one. Just not to me. She wanted to be, judging by these pictures. She was so excited. I still wonder when she decided I wasn’t worth it.”

Tammy was quiet, and in the silence, I wondered if she had started to see what Mom did. If she looked over and wondered what was wrong with me that made my own mother leave.

Eventually, I gathered the courage to look over at her. Tammy’s entire frame was tense, from the clenched fists to the thin line of her mouth.

“Bullshit,” she eventually ground out. “You don’t decide your kid isn’t what you want. You get what you get, and you do your best by your kids.”

“She wanted a daughter . Not ... me. I thought I’d gotten over her leaving, but maybe I never will.

Even Dad’s death got easier over time, as sad as it was.

But she’s alive. She’s walking around every day and never thinking of me.

” I looked at my phone. “But she used to. Somehow, it’s worse than her being dead. ”

“She failed you. I bet she’s failing all of her kids.”

“My half-sister Ginnie probably doesn’t feel the same. She’s a great mother to her. Which means she was always capable of it. I just wasn’t good enough.”

“Who could look at you and decide you’re not good enough?”

“My mom.”

“Then that’s her fucking problem. Not yours. Look at me.” Slowly, I dragged my eyes up to her. “You didn’t deserve that, you hear me?”

“I want nothing more than to believe you, but it’s hard. I’m not normal. I don’t like dresses or wear much makeup. I never wanted to go to get my nails done, and it’s not just her who’s told me that I should change. And sometimes I wonder if I should .”

“No,” she said. “I was never a normal girl either. Should I change?”

“Of course not.”

“Who’s tellin’ you that? It better not be Henry. I’ll give him a piece of my mind.”

The fact that she’d go after the man she’d known for years for me was sweet. “No, not Henry. Never him. But Jude did. The show has also hinted at it.”

“Then screw those idiots. You don’t have to listen to narrow-minded people. All they wanna do is make you fit into whatever the hell they think’s right. And trust me, kid. You’re way bigger than them.”

The words helped. I might have to fight what Mom taught me my entire life, but for once, the pain eased. “Thank you.”

“When did Jude say this?”

“Right before I came here.”

She shook her head. “So, he hit right on something that bothered you and you came here trying to be fine. Then, Mollie gets pregnant and it adds to it.”

My shoulders slumped. “Exactly. I feel like such a shitty friend.”

“You’re not a shitty friend for having problems. We all have them. No one can help it. You’re not taking away from her day because you’re sad.”

“I just wanna be happy for her. That’s it.”

Tammy’s hand landed on my shoulder. “We can feel two things at once. I saw your face when you looked at her. You are happy. But you’re also sad. And that’s okay. This’ll pass and you’ll be the best aunt a girl could ask for.”

“You think so?”

She laughed. “Absolutely. That baby’s gonna adore you. Just like Mollie does.”

Despite everything, I managed a smile. “I think I needed this chat.”

“I meant what I said earlier. Anytime, kid.” She put an arm around me, and I let myself lean into it. My own mom might not be here, she might not have chosen me, but I’d enjoy the moments of love I could find.

We sat for a few minutes, listening to the party going on outside. Once I felt more like myself, I helped Tammy up and could go back out and pretend that nothing happened.

It almost felt true.

The second I was back out in the dining room, Mollie found me.

“Where did you go?” she asked. “And why are your eyes red?”

I blinked. “Oh, you know. Emotional stuff. I’m fine.”

Her hands settled on my shoulders. “What’s going on?”

“It’s your day. Don’t worry about me.”

“I can multitask,” she said. “Were you hoping it was a boy like Cain was?”

“No. It was stuff about my mom.”

“Your mom?” Her eyes widened. I didn’t talk about Mom, mostly because I hadn’t realized she’d abandoned me until it had been years since she’d answered the phone. Mollie had tried to ask about her many times, and I’d always changed the subject.

“Yeah.”

“What made you think about her?”

“Sometimes when I see people win their lottery with their moms, like your future daughter has, it’s hard. But that’s a me problem?—”

“No,” Mollie interrupted. “It’s not a you problem. I know something happened. Something bad enough to where she isn’t in your life.”

“Mollie, nothing happened. That’s the issue. She just ... stopped wanting to talk to me.”

To anyone else, something like that made no sense. A mother’s love was usually guaranteed, unconditional, and to have it end had to come with some falling out.

But not with me.

“I don’t ...” Mollie’s voice was strangled. “What do you mean she just stopped talking to you?”

“I called and she didn’t pick up. It’s gone on for years.”

“When was the last time you talked with her?”

“The day I met you.”

“But that was ... You were having a rough day. She seriously never talked to you again?”

“Nope.”

Her voice raised in pitch. “What is wrong with her?”

“No idea. I’ll never know.”

She wiped at her eyes, but I knew she wasn’t only sad. She was pissed . “She lives in Mom’s neighborhood, I could go kick her?—”

“I tried visiting her once. Dad did too. She didn’t answer the door. She’s not worth all of that.”

“She ignored you at her door ?”

“It was years ago. Before I figured it out. Most of the time I don’t even think about her. Until ... until Jude said something similar to what she used to tell me. It’s been haunting me since I got here.”

“Wren,” she said. “I’m so sorry. Is there anything I can do?”

“Just continue to be the amazing friend you are. That’s all.”

Mollie pulled me into a hug. “She sucks, by the way. I thought that the first day I met her.”

“She does,” I replied. “She always had something negative to say.”

She pulled away. “I hope you know that whatever she said was wrong.”

“You don’t even know what she said.”

“I don’t need to, because I know you . There’s nothing on this earth you could do to deserve that.”

“Mollie,” I whined, wiping at my eyes. “You’ll make me cry again. You know my eyes get super red.”

“It’s okay if you do. Trust me, people have seen all the bad sides of each other here. You’re safe.”

“It’s nice,” I replied, thinking of Tammy. “Really nice.”

Mollie pulled me into the tightest hug of my life and rubbed my back.

“Uh oh, here comes the boyfriend,” she said as she pulled away. “And he looks worried.”

I nodded as my eyes searched for Henry. He walked up to me, concern written on his face. Never had I experienced so many people being worried about me.

Mollie was gone by the time he arrived. He didn’t seem to notice she’d run off.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

“Mom stuff,” I replied. “It’s a long story.”

“Do you wanna talk about it?”

“I do, but the rules ...”

“There’re no rules saying we can’t talk,” he said with a shake of his head.

“But there is one about not getting wires crossed, and if I tell you everything ... I think I might.” It was true. I already felt closer to Tammy, and I’d have to leave her too.

His eyes widened. “I didn’t know it was a risk for you. At least not like that .”

Was it one for him? I wanted it to be. Maybe I would feel less alone. “This is a thing I’ve kept hidden for a long time, and if you handle it like you do everything else, then I’m gonna get attached.”

“And you don’t want that.”

I forced myself to nod. I shouldn’t want anything more than this.

But dammit, I did.

“I understand.”

The words were painful to hear, but it would be best when I left.

But did I want to leave?

It had always been a fact. My projects were planned out, and my time here had a deadline.

Only now, the idea of going back felt terrifying.

I would miss Strawberry Springs.