Page 31 of As They Are (Strawberry Springs #2)

HENRY

Strawberry Springs Neighborhood Watch

Kerry Winsor : Isn’t it state law to pull over if you have more than five people following you and you’re on a TRACTOR ON THE HIGHWAY?

Comments:

Jade Clark: Bold of you to think people care about laws here.

Kerry Winsor: It made a fifteen-minute drive thirty minutes!

Hu Gh: Leave me alone. I just needed some beer from the town over.

Kerry Winsor: So your first choice was a TRACTOR?

Hu Gh: You complained about my car backfiring. Then you complain about my tractor. Get a life!

Tammy Jane: This coming from the man who complained in this very group about me giving him decaf?

Hu Gh : COFFEE IS DIFFERENT

I saw myself and Wren over and over again. It followed me home, played behind my eyelids as I went to sleep, and restarted the second I woke up.

I’d had sex with her in the clinic , of all places. I’d bossed her around, done only what I wanted to do, and completely lost control.

Wren was right to leave the second we were done. I had no idea if she was really late for anything. It could have easily been an excuse to get away.

There was so much that I should have done. I should have asked her what she liked, if she even wanted me like that. If she wanted to be the one leading.

But I didn’t. I blacked out. I was so driven by my desire that I let myself slip.

And I needed to apologize to her.

I wasn’t sure how. My morning walk was always invaded by cameras. The second I passed, one of the PAs from the show got me mic’d up and ready to be present. There would be no time to have a private conversation.

I could call her, but this was something that needed to be done in person. I had to force myself to look her in the eye when apologizing, just like Mom always expected me to.

But how did I say that I was sorry for getting so forceful? That I should have held back? I had no idea how to even begin, and I needed to figure it out.

Instead of walking, I drove in and parked at the back of the clinic, completely avoiding the set. I barely looked at anything in the exam room while getting it ready for the day, focusing purely on work.

The deviation from my schedule was killing me, but I doubted Wren wanted to see me anyway.

My first patient was someone from the town over, and I was relieved to be able to fall into professionalism while I worked with them. It was proof that I could still be the Henry people wanted. I just needed time to get there.

I saw a few more patients after, falling into my usual routine with ease. I felt marginally normal by the time the day ended.

Then the door jingled and one last person walked in. I turned, expecting it to be a walk-in.

It was Wren.

My heart jumped into my throat as I saw her in overalls and a T-shirt. I couldn’t even look at her face yet.

I’d fucked up so badly.

“Hey,” she said. “I must have missed you this morning.”

I fiddled with paperwork. “I drove in. Needed a change of pace.”

She was silent for a moment, and I was so tempted to see what expression she was wearing. But I couldn’t . “Okay. I can’t imagine getting stopped every morning is fun, so I get it. Have you had a good day?”

“Yeah, it’s been fine. Can I help you with something?” I hated not saying anything else to her and getting straight to the point, but I needed time to figure out how to be the version of me she wanted. And I hadn’t had that.

“The producers want an interview about the changes in town. They said you were the one the audience knew the most. Are you up for it?”

No, I wasn’t. But I needed to be.

“Yeah, I can do it. Now?” I finally looked up at her, catching only that her cheeks were flushed as she looked at me.

Was it out of disgust?

“That would be best.”

I bit my cheek and followed her over to the set, still unable to look her in the eye. It was loud today. Contractors worked on the facade while Jude hammered something near the front of the building, where we did a lot of the interviews.

Every bit of it pounded into my head.

This was a bad idea.

I couldn’t even talk to the PA putting my mic on. All I could do was stay calm. My shame was turning into annoyance at every sound that hit me.

The seconds couldn’t tick by fast enough.

“You and Wren come over here,” Madison called.

I didn’t know it was possible for me to tense even more, but I did. Would she even want me next to her after how I’d acted?

When I got close to her, she linked our arms.

“You don’t have to do that,” I told her under my breath.

Her eyes widened, but there wasn’t much she could say that wouldn’t give us away. Her arm remained firmly wrapped around mine, though.

“Let’s get this started!” Madison said, getting the camera on us. Wren blinked and turned to it. I wanted to be able to focus on it, but the hammering was still going on.

“Shouldn’t we wait for it to be quieter?”

“Jude’s also filming something,” she said. “The mic packs should filter out what we need.”

I gritted my teeth. How was I supposed to focus on what I was being asked when I had to listen to the slamming of a hammer, the drill of machinery, and feel Wren standing close when I wasn’t sure if she wanted that?

Madison said something else, but I wasn’t able to take it in.

All I could hear was clang .

Clang.

Clang.

“Henry?” Madison asked with a groan. “Come on.”

Clang.

“No,” I finally snapped. My head had already been pounding from the noise, but now my heart was racing too.

I needed it to stop , and now . “I can’t be interviewed while listening to Jude hammer the same thing over and over.

Does he even know what he’s doing if he’s still trying to get the same fucking nail in? ”

Everyone was silent for two seconds. It gave me a second to realize that I had just raised my voice and cursed in front of people, which is something I never wanted to do.

Then Jude hit the fucking nail again, and I was right back where I started. My ears rang, and I knew I needed to get out of here.

“If you can provide a decent environment for an interview, then we’ll talk. But this is ridiculous.”

“It’s just sound ,” Madison hissed.

“Henry,” Wren said softly. “Are you okay?”

I pulled away, but she followed. Why was she doing that? She should hate me.

“We’ll do this later. I can’t right now.”

It was tempting to drive home, but I didn’t want to be behind the wheel of a car. I made it to the clinic, slammed the door, and went to my tiny office to try to cool down.

The second the sounds had stopped, I knew I’d messed up. While it might have been overwhelming, most people didn’t completely shut down and lose it like I had. I’d finally snapped.

Just like I never wanted to.

Who had been there? Who all did I need to smooth things over with?

Wren, for sure. I’d already messed up with her yesterday. I was sure her view of me was decimated, and I didn’t know if an apology would fix this.

I also had to say sorry to Madison and Jude, which would be next to impossible considering I was still so frustrated with their lack of care for how Wren felt. But I would if I had to. After all these years, I couldn’t lose how people saw me. I’d done so much work to show the better side of myself.

Closing my eyes, I tried to remember if anyone in town had been watching the filming. Now that the newness of the cameras had faded, most people didn’t watch the day-to-day anymore. I was pretty sure the square had been empty.

And thank God for that.

The door to my office opened and the lights shut off. I looked up and found Wren.

I couldn’t even look at her.

“Misophonia,” she said softly. “Is that what it’s called when noises can make you tense and angry?

” I blinked. How did she even know the word?

“I won’t bother you for long, but I wanted you to have something.

” She slid a case across the desk. “They’re my ear protection for loud noises.

If you have to go outside or anything, you’re welcome to use them. ”

She turned to leave, but I managed to speak before she could. “Why are you giving me these?”

“If Google was right and sounds make you upset, I want you to have something to help.”

“I shouldn’t need help ,” I hissed.

“And yet we do. Tell me, did you feel the same way when you got your glasses?”

“N-no.”

“It’s similar, isn’t it? They help you function. They make it to where you can drive and go through life normally. I’ll admit that noise sensitivity isn’t something that’s super talked about, but it’s all the same to me.”

“It’s not just noise sensitivity,” I said with another sigh. “It’s part of a whole spectrum of issues. Most people don’t understand it.”

“I would. Or I’d try to.”

“Why?”

“Because you mean a lot to me.” She said it like it was obvious. “And that means leaving you alone if you want to be alone, but also staying if you want me to stay.”

“I do. Want you to stay, I mean.”

She nodded and sat. “Then that’s what I’ll do.”

“I don’t know if I’ll be fun company.”

“If you want to simply sit here in silence, I’ll do that too.”

I didn’t deserve this, not after yesterday. But, despite that, I needed her to know.

“The misophonia is something I struggle with, but it’s a part of a bigger picture. I’m autistic. I can accommodate myself and mask it, but only when I follow a strict routine and make time to rest.”

“And you haven’t been able to do that,” she said. “Shit, Henry, I’m so?—”

“Don’t apologize. I’m the one who agreed to it, and I pushed it too far.” I put my head in my hands and we lapsed into silence. I didn’t hear the door open and close, but I wouldn’t have been shocked if she had left without a trace.

The sympathy would fade, eventually replaced by annoyance. It was what had happened before. I’d had an inkling of what it was, and both Norah and Ace promised to help.

But then it got too rough for them both.

It was easier to hide it and pretend I was normal. Seeing others grow tired of me was far worse.

As the moments ticked by, I was able to breathe deeper. Pure silence and darkness were exactly what I needed.

Finally, I looked up, and Wren was still there, typing on her phone without making a noise.

“You’re still here?”

“I am. Are you feeling better?”

“Somewhat.”

She nodded. “I talked to Madison. The interview isn’t happening today.”

“Wh-what?”

“If you wanna continue, which you don’t have to, then we need to make sure the construction site isn’t ridiculously loud some other time. And I ordered you a pair of your own earplugs, ones that are recommended by other autistic people. They’ll be here in a few days.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Don’t understand what? That I’m helping you? I told you I would.”

“Why aren’t you angry with me?”

She blinked. “I mean, I could be, but I’m not. I knew something was up, but it was your choice to tell me or not. Obviously, I’d like to know everything about you, but some things are yours to tell. I won’t force them out of you.”

“You want to know everything about me? Even after yesterday?”

“Yesterday?” she repeated. “What about yesterday? Did you mean when you and I ...”

I looked away, images flashing in my mind. Things I wish I’d done differently.

“Do you regret it?” she asked after a long silence.

“I do.”

She jerked back. “Oh ... okay.”

Wren had the same look on her face as when she thought I’d turned her down. I was sure she thought I didn’t notice when she was hiding her hurt, but she always curled inward on herself as if trying to make herself smaller.

I needed to explain. “ You should regret it too. I acted like a jerk, ordering you around like that. I tried to be way nicer and more communicative, but I snapped, and I’m ... I’m really sorry.”

“Wait, hang on. That’s what you regret? Just how you acted?”

“Yes. I hold myself to a higher standard. That’s not how I should be.”

She could only stare at me, crossing her arms. “And were you gonna ask me how I felt about it, or were you gonna just assume I was mad?”

I opened my mouth to say that it was obvious she was mad. How could she not be? But then I thought about it. The only time she appeared angry was just now, when I’d told her how she should feel.

Rubbing my face, I let out a long sigh. I couldn’t stop screwing up with her, it seemed.

“No, you’re right. I’m sorry. I don’t get why you wouldn’t be. That’s not a side of me that I like.”

“Just because you don’t like something doesn’t mean I feel the same way.”

Now my eyes cut to her. “You ... what ?”

“I liked yesterday. A lot, actually. I’m always making decisions and ordering others around. It was a nice change of pace.”

I blinked. “What? But I told you what to do. I was rougher than I should have been.”

“It was still hot, even when you left a hickey and I had to hope Mollie had some foundation that was a decent match for me.” She rubbed her neck right where my mouth had been. “And we probably should have talked more about it, I’ll give you that, but we can talk now. And I’m fine. Really, I am.”

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I’d done all of that and she’d liked it? “But I’m the mild-mannered doctor. That’s who I am, this other side of me isn’t ... I’m not supposed to be like that.”

“Did you enjoy it, though?” she asked.

“Yes.” There was no hesitation. “Very much.”

“Then this is a part of you too. Like being autistic is. And the misophonia. You don’t have to tell everyone about it, but you also don’t have to hide anything. Not with me. And judging by the way you’re looking at me, I’d say I’m the first person who’s told you that.”

She was right. I hadn’t heard any of this before. It was so strange to hear that I was half tempted to say I was asleep and this was all a weird dream. “My mom doesn’t get it. Neither did ... others.”

“Sometimes we’re around the wrong people for a while, and that lasts.” She let out a humorless laugh, and I had a feeling she was talking from experience. “So I wanna understand.”

“Thank you. I’ll be better?—”

“Don’t worry about being better. Just be wherever you stand for that day.” She gave me a smile before she stood. “And right now, you need a break. And now that I know that you’re okay, I’m gonna go make sure Madison doesn’t try to come here and change your mind.”

Wren leaned down, and for a second, I thought she was going to kiss me. I would have let her. But she didn’t. We must have both remembered the rules at the same time. The sex was a one-time thing. We were back to being friends in private.

She moved away, waving at me as she left. I could only do the same, letting a different kind of regret take me over.

Wren had seen it all, and she still cared about me. She didn’t see any part of me as a fault, but as a side of me. Some of which she even liked .

I wanted nothing more than to explore that. To see if it was a fluke, or if there was some way that I could do all of it again. To be with her not as a one-time thing, but for as long as she was here.

But that was against the rules we set.

For once in my life, I hated the rules.