Page 45 of As It Was (Strawberry Springs #1)

“Mom. He’s smart. He knows how to trick people. How could you have known?”

“Because I’ve seen it! God, and to let it happen to my own daughter? What kind of a mother am I?”

“We’re all human here. We can’t help that he said what he did. What matters is that you’re on my side now.”

“How are you not more upset by this? I mean, he said such mean things?—”

“I’ve processed my pain over time. Trust me, it was messy and hard but ... I’m okay. At least with the stuff from him. Running was the best thing I ever did.”

“Oh, honey.” She pulled me into a tight hug. “You never have to run again.”

Her words washed over me, and I went stiff. She was right. I didn’t need to run.

So why had I run from Strawberry Springs?

Was it because I was unsafe?

Or was it because I was too scared to face what I’d done?

Hell, I’d faced Trevor. Finally. And I’d gotten my parents to believe me. Couldn’t I also do the same back home?

“I-I can’t stay.”

“What?” Mom asked. “But you’re supposed to move back.”

“No, I can’t. I have unfinished business at home.”

“Home?” she scoffed. “But this is your home.”

The anger was back. “Mom, I’m not gonna run anymore. I’m fixing what I broke in Strawberry Springs.”

“It’s not your fault, it’s theirs!”

“I had a part in it. I hurt people I care about. ”

“But I don’t understand . Why do you care so much about that place?”

“Because even when people aren’t perfect, they’re still people . I might not like what they did, but I have to give them a chance to do better.”

“They’re not worth that.”

“I think they are.”

Her face turned red and she shook her head. “No. No. I won’t let you.”

“Mom, I’m not asking for permission. I get now that you don’t understand why I like the town. That’s fair, after what you went through. But my experience isn’t yours.”

“But—”

“You don’t have to understand my choices. All I need is for you to respect them.”

Her jaw dropped, and she shook her head, ready to argue more.

“I love you, and I’ll call you later. But I have to fix this.” I gave her a kiss on the cheek and ran off.

“So, you’re gonna run again?”

“I’m not running from you. Nor am I running from my problems. I’ll always be a runner, Mom. But it’s time I ran to them.”

Tammy didn’t even smile when I walked into Center Point Diner.

“Here to wallow?” she asked.

“No, I’m here to talk to you. You know this town better than anyone.”

“Debatable. ”

“And you were on Cain’s side. I need to know how to fix this.”

Tammy’s lips thinned. “And why should I help you? You’re the one who blabbed to Kerry and set all of this off.”

“I was drunk and stupid. And wrong. But I need to do something. Even if it means facing who I hurt.”

“It wasn’t me that you hurt. Haven’t you talked to Cain?”

“He needs a break from me.”

“Then I suppose you can start with the one closest to him.” She pointed to where Jackie was sitting. The woman sitting in the window wasn’t the one I knew. Her eyes were downturned and her hair was a mess. “You’re not the only one wallowing today.”

The guilt in my stomach only multiplied, and I made a beeline for her.

“Jackie, I am so sorry,” I said as I approached her table.

She looked up briefly and then down again. “I don’t speak to traitors.”

“And you still speak to Kerry? Did you forget that she’s the one who told everyone?”

Jackie’s shoulders tensed, but she finally looked at me. “I do it for peace, which I suppose I should extend to you. But I’m not happy.”

“I understand.”

“Neither am I,” Tammy said. I jumped, not realizing she had followed me over. “What the hell , Mollie?”

“I know,” I muttered.

“There’s one rule in this town. If Kerry knows, everyone knows.”

My shoulders slumped. “I’ve figured that out.”

“There’s a reason some things stay private,” Jackie said.

“Is there anyone who wouldn’t believe this at face value?”

“Me,” Tammy said. “Maybe Mike. He can be smart. ”

“That’s it ?”

“Kerry’s job is to inform everyone of everything,” Tammy explained. “She’s the reigning queen of drama and the others eat it up like fish. She’s a—” Her words were cut off as she stared at the door. “Speak of the devil.”

I followed her gaze and saw Kerry walking in. She was in a good mood.

Probably because she had gotten to tell everyone everything.

For the second time that day, I understood why Mom had left. Was this how it had always been? Had there been some queen bee running things in town while they were in high school?

Kerry didn’t seem to pick up on everyone’s ire. She waltzed over as if nothing was wrong.

“Hello, everyone,” she said with a smile. “Nice day outside, right?”

Jackie looked down at the table and didn’t answer. Tammy’s fists clenched, but she did the same.

Were they serious? They were just going to let it happen?

“The weather might be nice,” I said. “But my day isn’t. What I told you last night wasn’t exactly Facebook material.”

“But everything goes on Facebook.”

“Not everything,” I replied. “Some things are personal. And now the whole town is on a witch hunt.”

“Well, maybe he should have talked to us before he needed something. Did you ever consider that?”

“Maybe you could have tried to make him feel included.”

“I’ve done nothing but try ,” Kerry snapped. Obviously, I’d hit a nerve. “I’m not rude to him every time I see him. I treat him like every other person in this town, despite the fact that he’s done terrible things to us.”

“He has not. ”

“Oh yeah? Then let me give you some information. He beat Jackie’s husband here in the town square. In front of everyone .”

“Keep it down,” Jackie hissed.

“No, I won’t keep it down.” Kerry shook her head. “You’ve defended him until your face is blue, and for what? He went after your husband and then sold your house!”

“You don’t know him.”

“You know what? I’d love to!” She threw her hands in the air. “But he won’t talk to any of us.”

“He was trying to,” I defended.

“Not without a reason. And, in case you didn’t notice, I’m not included in that.”

“I wonder why he didn’t want to talk to you,” I said. “Maybe it’s the stuff you said behind his back?”

“What stuff?”

“Mollie,” Jackie began, “you don’t have to?—”

“No,” I said. “I’m not backing down this time. I heard about what you and Nicole said on Facebook. That was public, Kerry. And I also know you said Donny would roll over in his grave if he knew Cain sold his house.”

“Am I wrong?” she asked with a scoff. “I don’t understand why Jackie defends Cain after everything. Donny was her husband !”

I wanted to say something, but I couldn’t. I knew why. Jackie knew why.

But she didn’t want anyone else to know.

“Even I don’t know, but that’s her business.” Tammy’s voice was quiet, but I was glad she spoke at all. “Come on, Kerry.”

“You could tell me,” Kerry asked. “Ever thought of that?”

“Kerry, please .” Jackie’s face was red, and I wondered if this was how she looked when she’d begged Cain to not tell anyone why he went after Donny. “I don’t wanna talk about this. ”

“If you don’t talk about it, how am I supposed to get what the hell you’re thinking!” Kerry snapped.

I looked at Jackie.

Tell them, I urged with my expression.

She shook her head.

“Whatever,” Kerry said. “The only reason he’s nice is because he’s been using us. If I don’t know all the information, then I only know what I see. And what I’ve seen is that he’s a selfish asshole. Maybe Eric is better off with someone else.”

“Absolutely not!”

I was about to say the same thing, but the words didn’t come from me.

Jackie looked different. Hearing Kerry’s thoughts on Cain had morphed her shame into anger. She was standing now, breathing heavily as she regarded the other woman.

“Then tell me how you know that,” Kerry said. “Tell me what happened! I’ve been your friend for years. Can’t you trust me?”

“After you just told the whole town that Cain was about to lose his child? And encouraged it? No, honestly, I can’t.”

“This town is a family,” she said. “The Facebook group is how we communicate!”

“Then this is one fucking dysfunctional family,” Tammy said. “Not all of us signed up to have our shit plastered online.”

“It’s not to be mean! My stuff is everywhere. Look at what the group said when my husband was deployed!”

“Just because something is fine with you doesn’t mean it’s okay with everyone else,” I said sharply. “If you really want this town to be like a family, then it means you respect what they want, even if you don’t understand.”

“Okay, that might make a little bit of sense. For some things. But with Cain, that was a warning for everyone. Not just gossip. ”

“Cain is a good person,” Jackie said.

“And how do you know that? Because I haven’t seen it!”

“I’m still not telling you!”

“I won’t tell anyone, but I need to understand .”

“Kerry, do you have eyes?” Tammy asked. “Do you really think Donny was a good fucking person?”

“I mean ... I thought he was decent. He kept to himself. He certainly wanted to keep Jackie to himself. She would disappear for we—” She froze. “Wait a second.”

“Dammit.” Jackie looked out the window. “Now everyone’s gonna know.”

“Did he hurt you?” When Kerry realized Jackie wouldn’t answer, she turned to us. “Did he?”

“I don’t know, but why else would Cain have done that?” Tammy answered.

“You know,” Kerry said as she looked at me.

“Yes, I do. He told me why everyone saw him as the villain.” I looked over at Jackie. “And he was fine staying that way if it meant protecting someone he loved.”

Jackie’s eyes were closed, but she turned to us. “Yes, he would do anything for someone he cares about. Even at great cost to himself.”

“He would still keep it even if it meant he lost Eric.”

The words made Jackie sigh and she slumped over. “Everyone will know anyway. At least Cain might get something from this.” Jackie took one breath to steel herself. Then she looked at Kerry. “Donny hit me, Kerry. Every day of our marriage. I had to disappear whenever he left a mark I couldn’t hide.”

The diner was silent. Kerry covered her mouth, eyes wide. Tammy looked to be in a similar state of shock.

“It was that bad?” Tammy asked. “I knew you fought, but not ... ”

“It got better when Cain was around. And I felt better having someone to care for, but then ... then Donny wanted me to get rid of him. I said no, and Cain saw the bruises that came of it.”

“Oh my God ,” Kerry said. “No wonder you didn’t want the house.”

“Yes.”

“No wonder Cain went at him. But why didn’t he say anything?”

“I asked him not to. I didn’t want everyone to look at me like I was the victim. Because in a way, I wasn’t.”

“How were you not the victim?” I asked.

“I stayed,” she replied with a sad shrug. “I never felt like I could afford to leave. Not until Cain figured it out. And then we got the grant that made rent cheaper. But I still stayed. Even when people offered me outs.”

“Who offered you an out?” Tammy asked. “I would’ve if I’d known more.”

“Me too,” Kerry added.

Jackie sighed and looked at me. “Your mom did.”

“M-my mom?”

“Yeah. Before we got married. She saw it before it got bad. And she stood by me up until she couldn’t anymore. I bet she’d love to know she was right.”

I blinked, remembering what Mom had told me.

Was Jackie the friend that had betrayed her?

“Did you ... tell the town she didn’t want to be your friend anymore, by chance?”

“I told two people,” she said, shaking her head. “Which meant everyone knew. I learned my lesson after that, but the damage was done. And technically, it was my fault. Donny swooped in, told me I didn’t need friends if I had him and ... then we got married. ”

I winced. That had almost happened to me. I could have ended up with Trevor in the end and he’d been planting the seeds of doubt about Wren, even if I didn’t listen.

“Shit,” Tammy said. “I remembered that drama. We all thought we finally had something on the girl destined to be in the city who thought she was better than us. Turns out, she was smarter.”

“ That’s what happened with Mirabelle?” Kerry asked. “God, I didn’t know so much of what went down.”

“You were ten when it happened,” Tammy said. “And besides, you can’t know everything.”

I thought Kerry would fight us on it, but she let out a long breath. “You’re right. I can’t. I guess I should have trusted that Jackie knew what she was doing. You always liked Cain.”

“He’s sweet under that gruff exterior,” she said. “Like with Eric?—”

“ That I’ve seen,” Kerry interrupted. “He’d do anything for the kid.”

“Including talking to people he was sure hated him,” I added. “He didn’t think anyone would give him the time of day, but he did it anyway.”

“And he really needs these letters?” Kerry asked.

“He does,” I replied.

“Well, we could tell them what Jackie told me,” Kerry said. “Then I bet people would understand.”

“I’m not about to go waving my abusive ex-husband story around town to get sympathy. That’s staying in this diner,” Jackie said firmly.

“I suppose that’s fair.” Kerry sighed. “I kinda wish I hadn’t told everyone what I did. I sure look dumb now.”

“No fucking kidding,” Tammy added.

“I’m sure between the four of us, we can figure out some way to help,” I said.

“Isn’t he mad at you?” Jackie asked. “I thought you two had broken up over this.”

“We’re not at a full breakup, but he is mad. Maybe he won’t see past this, but I want him to keep Eric either way.”

“Me too. Somehow, I like the kid with him.” Tammy shrugged. “Who knew?”

“I do too,” Kerry admitted. “I’m in for fixing this.”

“Good,” I said. “Because I’m pretty sure most people will listen to the gossip queen if she clarifies some things.”

“Do people really call me that?”

“Yes,” we all answered.

“And it’s not a compliment,” Tammy added.

“Okay, okay. I now know to have better boundaries.” She smiled. “But it is a pretty cool title.”

“You just need to use it for good,” I replied, and gestured to the table.

Kerry sat and looked at us expectantly. “All right, I will. Now, where do we begin?”