Page 191 of As Above, So Below

How can I stand against the god of death innateless?

I’ve failed before being given the chance to try.

The moonstone in the pommel of the dagger gleams as it rests against my thigh, strangely bright for the low red light of the hells.I clamp down on what little resolve I have left. I have to try anyway. Even if failure is essentially guaranteed.

An unfamiliar yearning fills me.

Beckons me, wanting me to move deeper into the hells.

My feet begin to move of their own accord.

This must be what its like for mortals. Those whose souls are destined for the hells upon death. Entry through purgatory, drawn by an invisible tether to the tortures that await.

“Ves…” Vaelyn’s saddened voice reaches me.

Lifting my gaze from the dagger, I meet his blue eyes as I walk past.

It’s too late to hide the dagger and honestly, it would have been easier to hide it in my robes. Unfortunately, I’m not wearing them. Here’s to hoping I can distract Vaelyn from looking too closely at what I carry with me. Here’s to hoping I can use what little empathy he may still harbor.

He stares at me with concern plain upon his face. Nothing about him has changed. I don’t know why I thought he would change. He’ll forever be content to be the obedient demon Netharis created to do the same damned things in the name of his House for eternity.

He’ll never change.

I stare until I can’t anymore, having moved too far beyond him.

Even if I wanted to stop moving, I can’t.

I can’t overcome the compulsion of my feet.

He falls into step on my right beside me, and I bury my face into my hands with shame.

Sobs rack through me.

What have I done?

I don’t want him to see me.

Not like this.

Vaelyn wraps an arm around my shoulders, pulling me into him as we continue to move.

“What did you think was going to happen?” he asks, his voice breaking.

“I don’t know, Vae.” I lower my hands, lifting my face to the empty red sky. “Not this.” My voice trembles as I shake my head. “Not this,” I repeat.

I know exactly what this is.

This is Vaelyn’s way of saying goodbye for a while.

Netharis will trap me for centuries in obsidian.

I’ll be unwoven and reconstructed.

Again.

The creature that will emerge will not be me.

She will look like me, sound like me, but she will be shattered.