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“D o people celebrate three-month anniversaries?”

“Huh?” she asked as she took a sip of the wine Gavin had poured for them.

“It’s technically our three-month anniversary. Well, I guess that depends on when you consider we got together. Tonight is the anniversary of our first date, but we didn’t–”

“It is?” Asher asked herself more than her boyfriend.

“Yeah. You forgot?” he asked as he sat back down at the table after placing their dishes in the sink.

“I don’t think I knew we’d be celebrating.”

“It’s just dinner and good wine. I thought it would be nice. I haven’t seen you in a few days.”

“I get busy this time of year. It’ll get worse before it gets better. Summer is wedding season, and I’ll be busy until October. Every weekend, there’s a wedding or two, depending on the schedule,” she said.

“I know. I understand. I just missed you. I thought if I cooked dinner and grabbed us some wine, we could maybe enjoy dinner and save the dishes for later.” He lifted an eyebrow at her, which was his signal that he was interested in sex.

“Oh,” she said.

“Oh? You don’t want to? We haven’t all week.”

“No, that’s not…” Asher picked up her glass again and took a long gulp of the wine, which really was good.

“It was your day off, right? And you don’t have any early meetings tomorrow. We could take our time.” Gavin leaned over the table.

Asher nodded, but not to accept his proposal. It was just something her head had done. Gavin smiled, though, and she watched him stand and hold out his hand. He wanted it now, apparently. She hadn’t even finished her wine yet, and he was taking her by the hand and walking her up the stairs.

Was it better or worse to break up with him after sex? It would give them one last time before it was over, but it felt wrong to sleep with him again. Not just because Asher no longer wanted to date him, but because she knew now. She understood something about herself that made her want to explore it.

“Ash?” he said when they arrived at the top of the stairs.

“Huh?”

“Is everything okay?” Gavin checked. “You’re kind of walking like a zombie right now.”

“A zombie?”

“You know we don’t have to have sex, right? I want to, but if you don’t, we don’t have to. We can just take a shower or watch something in bed. If it happens, it happens. I–”

“Gavin?”

“Yeah?”

Asher let go of his hand and sat down on the small sofa in the loft office space. Gavin looked confused, but he joined her, placing his arm over the back of the sofa and staring at her.

“Gavin, we need to talk,” she began.

“That’s not good,” he noted, removing his arm now. “I know that tone. I’ve heard it a few times before, and it’s never good news.”

“I… I think we should break up.”

“Break up?” he asked.

“Yes.”

“We were just about to have sex, Asher. You want to break up?”

“I didn’t mean to make you think… I just…”

“You want to break up with me?”

“I’m sorry,” she said as she turned to him. “You’re a great guy, but I don’t see a future for us.”

“Since when?”

“I’ve been feeling this way for a couple of weeks, I think.”

“A couple of weeks?”

“Maybe longer. I don’t know. I don’t think it’s fair to keep doing this when I know it’s not going to go anywhere.”

“You’ve wanted to end things for a couple of weeks?”

“Maybe. I don’t know. It was unclear at first, but I know now. I’m sorry. I think it’s for the best. You deserve someone who can see everything with you.”

“And you can’t?” Gavin asked as he stood up.

“No,” she said honestly.

“Not at all? Asher, we were just talking about you meeting my parents.”

“I know,” she replied.

“And you said you wanted to.”

“I know,” she repeated.

“I’m so confused right now. What happened?”

“Nothing happened. I don’t know how else to explain it. I’m going through something right now, and I need to… go through it alone, I think.”

“Going through something? Like what?”

“I’m not ready to talk about it. I’m sorry.”

“So, you’re going through something, and you want to do it without me?” Gavin ran his hand over his mouth. “Are you seeing someone else? Is there another–”

“No,” Asher replied quickly. “I’m not cheating on you, Gavin.”

“Do you need time to figure whatever it is you’re going through out or something? I can give you time.”

“Gavin, it’s not time that I need. It’s not working. I–”

“It was working just fine when you said you wanted to meet my parents last week.”

“I’m sorry,” she said again.

He nodded and said, “Okay. I’ll go home and give you time or space or whatever it is you need, and we can talk in a few days.”

“Gavin, talking in a few days won’t change my mind,” she said.

“Maybe not, but I just can’t wrap my head around the fact that we were just talking about meeting my parents, and now, the next time we’re together and I’m planning on telling you that I love you, you’re breaking up with me.”

“You were–”

“Going to tell you that for the first time tonight, yes. I’d planned on us having a romantic night, and I was going to tell you.” He sighed. “But you’re not ready, and I shouldn’t have told you now.”

“Gavin…”

“No, it’s fine. I should go. I’ll call you in a few days.”

“Don’t,” she requested. “It won’t change anything.”

He nodded and said, “You’re okay, right? What you’re going through; you’re not sick, are you?”

“No,” she replied. “I’m not sick.”

He nodded again and said, “Because I’d be there for you.”

“I know you would,” she replied and stood. “I’m sorry. You should go.”

He took a few steps toward her and said, “I’ll call you.”

Asher shook her head, but it was clear that she wasn’t getting through to him. When Gavin walked down the stairs, she stayed up for a minute longer until she heard the door close behind him. Then, she walked down, locked the front door, and went for her phone, which was on her coffee table.

◆◆◆

“Why do guys always think you’re crazy when you’re dumping them?” Linden asked as she poured the rest of the wine Gavin had brought into Asher’s glass. “He really asked you if you were sick?”

“Yes,” she replied, taking the glass when Linden handed it to her. “He said that he’d give me time and space and that he’d call me in a few days. I told him not to bother because it won’t change how I feel, but he kept saying it, so I gave up.”

Linden nodded and leaned back on the couch.

“It did kind of come out of nowhere, Ash. I feel bad for the guy. I mean, your feelings are yours. You know what’s going on inside that heart and mind of yours, and he doesn’t. But you were fine, I thought.”

“ Fine isn’t love , though, is it?” Asher asked before she took a drink of the wine. “It’s fine. It just sort of is. And we were in the beginning, Linden. It’s not supposed to be fine in the beginning. Maybe it gets like that after ten years of marriage when he won’t pick his dirty boxers off the floor and keeps the seat up, even when I ask him to remember to put it down, but not in the beginning.”

“Things I don’t miss now that I’m dating women,” Linden said. “And Gavin was a boxers guy? I had him pegged for tighty-whities.”

Asher laughed and replied, “He has a few pairs of those, too, but he mainly wears boxers.”

Linden nodded and said, “He knows they make boxer briefs, though, right?”

Asher laughed again and said, “I’m sure he does.”

“Are you okay?” Linden asked.

“About Gavin? Yes. I’d be better if it was done already, but I suspect I’ll get a visit or a call in a few days, asking me if I’ve had enough time .” She paused and turned toward Linden. “He told me that he loved me.”

Linden turned to her in surprise and asked, “He did?”

She nodded.

“Before or after?”

“After dinner, he wanted… Well, he wanted sex, and we were on our way up to my room when I told him because I couldn’t just sleep with him and then dump him tomorrow morning. He told me during, technically.”

“During sex?” Linden asked.

“What? No. I just said I couldn’t.”

“But then, you said during , so I got confused.” Linden looked away from her. “So, you told him that you didn’t love him, right?”

“Not exactly. He told me I wasn’t ready to hear that he loved me, and that was pretty much it. He left after that.”

“This fool said that he loved you and then told you that you weren’t ready to hear it?” Linden turned back to her, looking upset. “What is his deal? You don’t tell the most amazing woman in the world that you love her and then suggest she isn’t ready to hear it. I’ve never been to his place. What’s his address? I need to smack him.”

Asher didn’t laugh at the last part of Linden’s monologue, though, because she was too busy thinking about the part where Linden had called her ‘the most amazing woman in the world.’

“It’s fine. If he calls, I’ll just tell him again that it’s over, and hopefully, he can move on.”

“Ash, what happened, though? I know it was only fine, but you were okay with that. Now, suddenly, you aren’t anymore?”

“I think it’s a combination of things,” she began. “The bride yesterday really shook me up.”

“Oh,” Linden said and nodded in realization. “You saw yourself at the altar with him, and it wasn’t a joyous thought?”

“I couldn’t even see him up there with me at all. I don’t want that for myself, Linden. I don’t want fine . I don’t just want someone my family will be happy with. I don’t want to get married just to do it. I’m thirty-seven. I’ve waited this long to find someone. I want it to be the right someone.”

“I get that. I’m thirty-five, and I want that, too.”

“You want that later ,” Asher replied. “I’d like it any day now.”

“Not too much later. It’s not like I want to be going out every night well into my forties. I barely woke up at ten in the morning today because I was so tired from last night.”

Asher chuckled, licked her lips, and decided it was now or never. She could learn something from her best friend who had hidden a part of herself for so long, it had done a little damage, and she was only now starting to fix that damage and live the life that she actually wanted to live.

“I think I’m having a realization,” she said hesitantly.

“A realization?”

“I said the bride was part of it.”

Linden turned and sat with her legs crossed, facing her, and Asher thought about the last time she was talking seriously to Gavin. It had been about meeting his parents one day and him meeting hers. They’d had the TV on, and he had been watching some game that Asher hadn’t been paying attention to because she’d been working on her computer minutes before he had brought up the serious topic. While they talked, he had kept his eyes on the TV. They had been discussing taking this important step together, but his eyes couldn’t be pulled away from whatever sport was on the television. Linden, on the other hand, had turned her entire body toward Asher and was now sitting patiently, not begging her to reveal what was in her head but still managing to give her the space to do so when Asher was ready.

“I’ve done a lot of thinking these past few months.”

Linden didn’t say anything, and her eyes, which were so intense, didn’t leave Asher’s, so Asher had to look away toward the wineglass in her hand. She lifted it to her lips and drank most of the wine before she lowered it back into her lap. Then, she cleared her throat, expecting Linden to fill the silence between them, but Linden just sat there, waiting for her to finish. It was unnerving and perfect at the same time.

“So, I think I might not be exactly…” She cleared her throat again and stared down at the deep red liquid that was slowly swirling around her wineglass. “I might not be one-hundred-percent heterosexual.”

Having said that, Asher looked up quickly, expecting a reaction, and Linden’s eyebrow lifted, but she still didn’t say anything.

“I mean straight. I might not be straight.”

Linden’s eyebrow lowered, but she nodded.

“Linden, say something already.”

Linden took the glass from Asher’s hands, downed the rest of the wine in one gulp, set the glass on the table, turned back to Asher, and took both of her hands in her own.

“Tell me more.”

“More? What’s more than that?”

“Well, you said something pretty big there, Ash, but it’s not the whole story, so tell me the story.”

“There’s not a story. I just realized that I don’t only like men.”

“You don’t only like men? Meaning that you like men and women?”

“I think so, yes.”

Linden nodded and said, “Okay. Can I ask what made you realize this?”

“You just realized it, too.”

“No, I realized it decades ago. I have known that I like women since I was fifteen and Daisy Colter smiled at me in the locker room before gym class. I didn’t have the courage to tell anyone else until recently, though. Have you known for a while?”

“I don’t think so,” she replied.

“When?”

“It wasn’t just one moment. I didn’t have a Daisy Colter in the locker room.”

“Okay.”

Asher couldn’t just tell her best friend that her Daisy Colter moment might have been last night when she’d watched Linden with her tongue down Jill’s throat, because that was too much for her to handle at the moment.

“I just know it now. I think watching you explore this part of yourself made me think differently.”

“And is this why you ended things with Gavin?”

“Not only that, but yes. It’s only fine , like I said, and I don’t want fine.”

“Do you want to date women?”

Asher swallowed and nodded once.

“I want to maybe try.”

Linden nodded again and said, “Okay.”

“That’s it? Okay?”

Linden let go of her hands and said, “Yes, okay. I love you, Ash. If this is who you are, I’m happy you told me. If you want me to go to Gavin’s place and smack him while you ask a pretty girl out on a date for the first time, I’m good with that. I want you to be happy, Asher Hahn. That’s all that matters here.”

“I don’t know what I’m doing, Linden.” She covered her face with both hands.

“Well, it’s a good thing your best friend is a lesbian, then, huh? Oh, and we have about a million gay friends now, too. I think we can all help you out.”

“I don’t think I’m gay,” Asher said. “I like–”

“Men too. Yeah, I got it.” Linden winked at her. “Whatever you want, okay? I’m here. Whatever you need, Ash.”

Asher uncovered her face and looked up at her best friend, who was smiling warmly at her.

“Okay,” she said. “So, what do I do now, then?”