Page 37 of Anything (Mayberry University #1)

CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX

“I’ma go out on a limb and say this is a ‘Kit’s into you, but’ situation,” Haymitch says.

“Well, yes. What does it matter if she’s into me if she won’t—” I stop.

“Won’t what? Kiss you?”

I run a hand through my hair. Do I have the guts?

If this is your idea, help me be honest.

“She won’t do that either, not even close, but no, she won’t give me a chance.”

“What would a chance look like?”

“Honesty, for one. She has secrets she won’t share—important secrets. I’m pretty sure they’re the reason we can’t progress.”

“You seem to be progressin’ just fine in the googly eyes and get-to-know-you departments.” He eyes me. “You’re ‘bout as guarded as they come, Jeeves. Sure ya ain’t callin’ the kettle black? ”

I edge forward. “That’s the thing. I tell her anything she wants to know. That’s not … something I do. Like you said. But she won’t do the same for me.” I try to challenge lightly. “You hang out with her. There’s a lot there.”

“Fair enough.”

“She won’t go on a real date, won’t so much as shake my hand, but she’ll roam around campus with me all night with this look in her eyes.

It’s confusing, man. And then yesterday she told me that a future with me is impossible.

Without a word of explanation.” I shake my head.

“No one has ever put me through any of this nonsense.” I want to pull all of these words out of the air and hide them away again. I don’t tell Austin half this much.

“Yeah, that ain’t normal, Jeeves. Most e’rybody else has been rejected over and over by now. Rejection with lots of words, not enough words. Pretty sure it all kinda sucks equally, dude. You gotta be the only guy in the nearest three counties who’s never been humiliated by a girl.”

It cut deep that Genevieve was only with me for my family’s influence and connections, but it wasn’t humiliating.

People were impressed that she was all over me, and then they said I was crazy for dumping her when her true colors showed.

As if I’d stay with a trophy-wife type after growing up in my family.

Haymitch pulls me out of my reverie. “You think you met your match?”

I hesitate.

Fine, honesty.

As Kit said, she’s been giving me a lot of practice.

“She’s more than that, in whichever way you mean.”

Haymitch’s head bobs slowly, and the melancholy remains. I’m itching to drop this subject for that one, but he shut it down for today.

“How ’bout that. So keep fightin’ for her. What d’ya have to lose?”

“Well , my pride?—”

Haymitch makes an “ehhh” sound like the horn in a basketball game. “What else ya got?”

I’m trying. Help me.

“The guys on the floor are—” How to phrase it?

“They ain’t followin’ you around like ducklin’s with their mother?”

I roll my shoulders. He’s right, but I’d never cop to that analogy.

“Ehhh. Your confidence is dwindlin’ big time, and they’re pickin’ up on it. Is that all from friends-with-flirtin’-but-not-benefits, or is there more?”

I smirk at that description. “Maybe there is.” I sit up again, thinking it through. “Like I said, Kit and I really talk. She has a way of getting me to tell the truth, so she knows more about me than anyone ever has. And she’s making—accidentally, usually—she’s making me see my flaws in a big way.”

Haymitch bends forward. “She really is good for you. Mind tellin’ me what you mean by that?”

Where to begin? Since gaining my footing freshman year, I thought I didn’t care about my reputation.

Apparently that was a luxury of being on top.

I used to be proud that I had given up my family’s status and the ease it had always brought me.

I thought I’d started from scratch, but no—I was trained up for social success and leadership since infancy.

I’m well liked, well respected—or was— because of how I was raised, not despite it.

Kit has been shining light on all of my happy delusions. She told me I was humble and genuine. What a joke. She’s accidentally wrecking everything I’ve built, starting with my false self-confidence.

I stare at my hands. “Talking with Kit has shown me I’m not the guy I thought I was. I’m not the guy I want to be. But that guy is so different that I’m not even sure how to get there.”

“Okay. Keep in mind that right there is life with God. He’s usin’ Kit, but don’t be tempted to treat her like the Holy Spirit. Go straight to the source. ”

A good reminder.

He’s praying again. It’s settling to know that he’s following orders and not making this up himself.

Thank you for him. Give him words I can hear. I don’t want to miss what you’re saying.

“What’s buggin’ you the most on the floor?”

“The Kit comments, the teasing. It’s not friendly anymore. Some of the guys … It’s like they’re making themselves feel better. Or is it still about the prank?”

In particular Mateo, or Gru as we call him, is still resentful that I’ve delayed our entire floor’s prank for a girl.

I can’t blame the ones who are frustrated—I’d be annoyed too—but Mateo has taken it too far.

I talked to the guys about this before I did it.

They can trust me to make it up to them.

Haymitch tilts his head like he’s keeping something to himself. “The guys know you’ll make the prank happen next semester. Kit bought you some time with the suggestive whisper, huh?”

“She did. And that’s one of the worst parts of this thing with her.”

“How’s that?”

I squirm on the pew. “I know we’re buddies, but I can trust you, right? I don’t like talking about … feelings.”

“That for one is no big secret, my friend. Yes, you can trust me.”

Okay, here goes.

“She’s never done anything like that before.

Getting so close to me, touching my clothes, making that face.

” Her lips on my ear. I suppress a shiver of pleasure.

“Our texting had gotten flirty that day, but …” How to put it?

“It wasn’t when we were alone in my room—she stopped in the middle of the hallway.

She hates attention. I’m pretty sure she did it to help me and not, you know, because she wanted to. ”

He grimaces. “Dude, yeah. That’s the one time you want a girl to be selfish.”

Interesting way to put it, but he gets it. “And worse, she felt the need to help because she was intuitive enough to see the weirdness on the floor. I didn’t need her to know about that.”

“The more she knows about you, the more she likes you, cares about you. That’s progressin’.

When she sees some’n she wouldn’t pick, she’ll have to decide if she can live with it.

But it sounds like she don’t hold this against you at all, that she likes you so much that she wanted to set the record straight. In that way, it’s hard to beat.”

She likes me so much that she wanted to set the record straight? Could that be true?

“You can’t hide all the ugly and expect a good relationship.”

I give him a look.

“I know, I know, you and Kit is a whole thing right now, but that’s temporary.”

Is it? I circle back to my earlier thoughts. “I don’t know if I’m up for this, Haymitch.”

“Count the cost. Bail now if ya ain’t down for the brutal part. Reminds me of what Jesus said about buildin’ a tower and all that.”

Count the cost. I don’t want to sacrifice my reputation, my place on the floor, my pride … not when there’s less than no guarantee.

“The hard part keeps on, ya know. Say you marry her? Lots more o’ that to come.”

“I’m just … I don’t have to put up with all of this.”

“’Cause Kit’s not your only option?”

I tip my head in acknowledgment.

“Victoria and whoever else?”

I tip my head again.

“You’d never so much as taken a girl to coffee since you showed up here. The reasons you had still apply, am I right?”

A sigh escapes without my permission, giving me away. He’s right. I’ve continually thought Kit’s the only girl I can trust completely, the only one worth the risk. But I’m not thinking of getting serious with those other girls. Nothing close.

“It’s still an option, dude. You can go nuts and date all the girls. You’ll break a lot o’ hearts and have to live with that, might even learn to hate yourself for it, but it is an option. Those other girls may be easy—in all the ways, even, whew?—”

I cringe. He does not mean that as a good thing.

“But they won’t be like the one you picked outta the crowd, and you might just lose your chance at what you really want.”

His words linger in the air, and I lean forward to rest my arms on my knees.

I could never lead Kit to believe I’ve moved on because of the physical stuff.

She’s worth so much more than that. And, fine, a fling is a bad idea.

But do I really go on like nothing has changed?

I could pull back and give her a taste of her own medicine?

Couldn’t hurt my chances. There was no wiggle room in her “impossible.”

No.

I might give up on Kit, but I won’t hurt her.

I’ve tried everything I can think of. I can’t convince her to give me a real chance. What do I do?

My head rolls back. “It’s not my job to convince her, is it? If this is what God has for me, he’ll do that part.”

The floor stuff sucks too though. I hate it.

“My reputation isn’t my job either. It’s time to let it go, to be tenacious. That’s who I want to be.”

Haymitch relaxes against the pew like his work is done.

“You got a lot o’ guts, dude, uprootin’ your life, startin’ fresh.

Speakin’ o’ brutal, ’member your first couple months at school when Storm and those guys put you on blast?

They advertised the life you ran away from on the back o’ your shirt, but you stuck with it.

And you’ve been tenacious, as you say, this year too, givin’ Kit three long months to mull it over.

I know that feels like a real long time around here.

Prolly felt like three years. So talk to Jesus.

Find out if you’re s’posed to use that savage will o’ yours to keep waitin’ this girl out. ”

Savage will. I crack a smile. “Thanks, man. I’ve been asking. I don’t always know what he’s trying to say.”

“Same here. We get it eventually, I think, if we keep listenin’. I was just readin’ in Jeremiah. He asked God some’n and it took ten days to hear his answer. Kinda shook me. Jeremiah was doin’ his God-given job to listen and it still took forever. It ain’t always a quick thing.”

You want us to keep pressing in, keep listening. Sounds like you.

“There’s some’n else,” he says.

“Gru and them. Do I let them rip on me or push back?”

“I dunno, man. I think that’s a Holy Spirit call.”

Sounds right.

You want me to trust you. With Kit, my reputation, with everything. Heart, soul, mind, strength.

Alright, let’s do this.

I clap my hands together. “Thanks, Haymitch. I did not want to have this talk, but God sent you to torture it out of me. I appreciate it.”

He laughs. “You really are a next-level dude. I’m so lucky to know you.” He slaps my arm and stands. “I’ll take it all to the grave. Speakin’ o’ secrets, I take it you haven’t shown her yet?”

“Not yet. I don’t want that to be the reason she changes her mind.

” Then I’d always wonder if I was enough.

No. This apple is falling far from the tree if it kills me.

Still, I want every good thing for Kit, even if she rejects me, trashes my heart.

I shake the thought away. No use imagining the worst. I’m in this.

“I get it. You gonna give it to her either way?”

“Absolutely.” I’m glad he asked—I don’t want him thinking his help was for nothing. “Where to now? I’ll take you.”

His cane is already unfolded. “Not this time. Thanks, buddy.”

Thanks for dragging me along to what I need. You take good care of me.

I step out of the chapel into the cold air. It’s stark black out here.

You got me through this. Tomorrow too, right?