Page 31 of Anything (Mayberry University #1)

CHAPTER THIRTY

Sophie burrows into the corner of our lounge chair. We still haven’t figured out how to get cozy Flooders-style couches in here since the lounges come pre-furnished in this building.

I might need to escape to my room to focus enough to do my homework. I have to eke out every minute of study time I can, what with Sophie’s rigorous social calendar.

Her happy scoff is a dead giveaway that she’s texting Austin. How do I bring that up without making her defensive about Leo?

“Austin?” I ask, trying to sound casual.

“Yeah.”

So much for that.

“Open Dorms tonight?” she asks.

“If they’re up for that.”

We just spent our sunny Saturday morning playing frisbee with the crew.

In my case, it was far more of an attempt.

I play along with what these obnoxiously athletic friends of mine want to do.

After, we snuck our lunch out of Saga and hung out on the grass field too, so I doubt the guys will want to hang out again.

Levi usually wants to get his floor time in, always intentional about his hours.

Plus, those three guys have been up to something—they won’t say what, but I’d guess an elaborate prank. I overheard something about Home Depot.

Ding . Oh goodie, it’s Levi.

Hey, friend. Avengers or Avatar?

I carry my things to my room as I reply.

Avatar

It’s so rare to get a text from him, so I drag it on longer. I’m reminded of a Mom-ism. Rather than “I couldn’t help it,” she says, “I didn’t help it.”

Boat or plane?

Boat

Hot or cold?

What a thrill that he’s playing my little game.

Cold morning, hot fire.

Fiction or nonfiction?

Fiction, unless it’s from you.

Ouch.

Telepathy or teleportation?

Teleportatio n

That would certainly simplify things. I could just zoom myself somewhere private when I feel the memories coming back.

Okay, time to work. I set my phone on the dresser, all the way across the room from my bed. Cozy shorts on, I crawl onto my bed, determined to knock out some studying.

But Sophie appears in the doorway. “Movie night on Flooders later. I guess Levi wants to watch Avatar .”

I grin. Sweet Levi.

Sophie acts like that’s the most normal response in the world. “Do we have any snacks around here?”

“Chips in the lounge. Might Leo be there?”

“He’d better be. And I’m actually going to sit on the same couch.” She feigns shock.

I roll my shoulders, trying not to be offended. Or unbearably jealous.

“I’m just saying,” she mumbles, and pivots away.

I’ve never hinted to Sophie what goes on in my head.

Or to Levi. I’m just in my own little world over here, trying to cope with my life.

Yes, it’s my own fault no one knows, but it’s staying this way.

I’m not spilling my guts again. Not after last time.

I eye my phone across the room and guiltily retrieve it.

Mountains or beach?

A certain girl from the mountains at my beach.

My heart flutters on overdrive. Levi at the beach.

Levi at his beach. I want to know so much more about that, but I’ve boxed myself in with this little game.

Also, Levi with no shirt, swimming in the waves.

I have never seen this presumably glorious sight.

If the walls of the campus pool could talk, they could give a sneak preview.

Light or dark for a walk?

A certain guy with light hair and a light in his eyes. Any walk with him .

I grimace at my brazenness. Fingers spread across my face as I type a question with the other thumb.

Think about what’s close or far off?

I think about having you close. Sadly, not so far.

My stomach somersaults, and I toss my phone onto the bed like it’s radioactive. How does that tiny rectangle have power over me? Even the screen begs me to be braver, to be more open, to put the truth out there. I wag a finger at it. No more, phone. You’re staying over there.

I pull on my favorite secondhand Sevens for movie night and retie my navy wrap sweater.

The girl I see in the mirror is steadily changing, different even than last week.

Knowing Levi has stirred something deep inside me.

A restless contentment. A soothing exhilaration.

He’s a thrill and a comfort. He makes me feel like it’s okay to be me.

It might even be okay to look like me. The reflection of my shaking head goes blurry as I yawn.

I didn’t sleep much again last night. More nightmares.

Staying awake during the movie might be hard, but I’ll borrow a blanket and get cozy.

Then again, Levi will be there unsettling me in the best way …

one couch over, like always. I haven’t touched him since that unwise moment with his tattoo.

My skin on his again sounds glorious. I wonder if his palms are calloused from his weight lifting.

I wonder if his face feels scratchy at the end of the day.

I wonder how warm and settling his hugs would be.

No. I have to stop thinking that way. It’s not helping me cope with my reality.

It’s kindling a desperation to change something, a desire to forget about my constraints and live dangerously.

But I need my constraints. They keep the pain at bay.

The less memories of that night, the more doable my life is.