Page 15 of Anything for You (Veterans of Silver Ridge #7)

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

Dove

B aby Jude William Rawlins was born ten days ago, and I had never felt love at first sight was real until I set my eyes on his scrunched-up face and chubby cheeks.

It didn’t help that I wanted kids. I wanted several. Growing up, it’d been me and my brother against the world. At least until the influence of the elders in our small community took root.

Baby Will—as he was being called because apparently Southerners had some weird thing where they went by their middle name—was precious, and Jess was a superhero. She delivered the nine-pound-eight-ounce giant of a baby naturally with her former nemesis-turned-husband by her side.

Heroic. Truly. He was eating and sleeping and voiding as he should, and I couldn’t have been a prouder adoptive auntie.

I’d gone on a grocery run to get more diapers and more food in general because Jess’s appetite was endless as she breastfed the little monster, and Beast was dead set on supplying her with every possible option at all meals.

He was doting and obsessed with his baby and his wife and it was pure magic.

It gave me this sweet ache in my chest that was pain and pleasure at once. I’d been working to let myself enjoy both sensations. Or, if not enjoy them, then at least acknowledge and accept them.

I was deliriously happy for my dear friend who had both a devoted and wonderful husband and a precious, healthy child. I already loved her baby boy so much.

And I longed, with a ravenous kind of wanting, for the same for myself.

And that was okay.

I could want love and children for myself, want it with borderline desperation, and feel utter joy for my friends. It hurt sometimes, but I could.

When I pulled up to the Rawlins residence, a familiar truck sat in the driveway, and my pulse notched up.

Speaking of the man himself. I wouldn’t say devil because thus far, I wasn’t sure I’d ever met a less devilish person than Dorian who insisted on being straightforward and kind.

Yes, he was quiet and kept things close, but he was just so… him.

I knocked gently, then let myself in the front door since Jude had instructed me to do so. He could still be bossy, for which Jess apologized, but I saw it for what it was. He wanted to make sure Jess wasn’t bothered and baby Will wasn’t disturbed, so no doorbell and no incessant knocking.

Slipping off my shoes, I padded quietly into the house and set the bags on the counter. After washing my hands, I put away the groceries, then washed them again before entering the living room about to greet my friend, but the sight I beheld stopped me short.

Dorian sat on the ottoman of the chair where Jess had set up camp and in his arms was a snoozing baby Will.

Jude sat on the coffee table nearby and spoke quietly—so much so, I couldn’t quite hear it.

Dorian nodded, then glanced at his friend and smiled softly before returning his gaze to the infant.

I’d seen burly men hold babies before. Around here, it was nearly impossible to avoid, especially when Wilder Saint and his brothers kept cranking out babies like they were paid bounties to do so and then all the Saint Security staff liked to parade around as if they had no clue they should be slapped on a monthly calendar as they did.

But this? This giant, rough and tumble on the outside man holding that sweet little bundle and just… looking at him?

Oh, my heart.

Jess’s attention snagged on me, and she smiled.

“Hey. Thank you so much,” she said, and gratefully accepted the items I passed to her, including a fresh glass of ice water and a croissant from Rise and Shine. “Stone got to see him milk-drunk,” she added, grinning.

She was such a proud mama, and I couldn’t help but delight in it.

“Never understood the expression until today,” Dorian said, glancing up at me with the most peaceful expression I’d ever seen on his face. Almost like holding that tiny person in his arms set him at ease.

So often, men could be a little squirmy or anxious around babies.

I’d seen it plenty of times in the medical setting, even with dads who’d had kids a while.

If their family dynamic meant the mother did most things for the little ones, dads could find themselves easily overwhelmed.

I hated to see it, but I had. And I’d grown up in a circle where that was exactly how things went.

There, men had little to do with children before about five when they could help with small tasks.

Even then, any actual parenting was the on the mother unless it came to discipline.

But here, men were only men if they were good to each other, to women, and to children. And being good meant being involved, understanding them, helping them, raising them, loving them no matter what.

Dorian had those qualities in spades. I honestly wouldn’t have been surprised if he’d come to visit and dropped off some food since that seemed to be his mode of caring for others, and left without touching the babe. But here he was, lovingly cradling baby Will.

“Uncle Stone has a nice ring to it,” Jude said, patting his friend’s shoulder.

Dorian looked up, and his eyes locked with Jude’s. Something weighty passed between them, and Dorian’s face, completely somber and so full of significance, struck me so I looked away. It was a private moment, almost like they were reliving something in the exchange.

I wanted desperately to ask about it, and yet I held my tongue. Maybe later , I promised myself, and then eased into a seat on the couch.

“Your turn?” Dorian asked.

“Not unless you’re ready.” No part of me wanted to take baby snuggles from the man.

We sat and chatted quietly for another few minutes until a low rumble sounded and Jude beamed. “Pipes are working like a charm, and now my next mission begins.”

Dorian gently handed Jude his son, then stood when Jude did and followed him out .

Jess looked starry-eyed after her husband and baby, then turned to me and sighed. “I am so tired, I can hardly think.”

I patted her knee. “I can only imagine.”

We talked for a few more minutes, and Jude returned with the baby, who miraculously still slept after a diaper change.

“Did Stone leave?” Jess asked, settling back into her chair with Will, then tilting up her face just in time for Jude to press a kiss to her forehead, then mouth.

“He did,” he said, eyes glued to Jess’s for another minute before he shifted to look at me. “Want to stay for dinner?”

My brain had caught on the fact that Dorian had left without so much as a chin nod in my direction. It felt surprisingly bad, and yet… should it? We weren’t exactly best friends or anything. He was my landlord. We’d picked blackberries and exchanged a few pleasantries.

And you opened up your heart and soul to him.

Why did it bother me he hadn’t said goodbye? I was probably too tender about everything these days. And maybe reading into our interactions in a way that was bound to catch up with me.

Shaking off those thoughts, I answered Jude. “No, you don’t need me mooching off of you. I’ll get out of your hair, but promise you’ll call me if you need anything?”

“Bruce and Nikki are coming tomorrow morning with breakfast, so we won’t be left solo for long,” Jess said, running a hand over the downy-soft hair on Will’s still-sleeping head.

“Perfect.” I blew Jess and Will a kiss, then waved at Jude where he stood in the kitchen, gathering ingredients for dinner. He dipped his chin, and I slipped out the way I’d come in .

Restless, I thought about ways to approach Dorian when I got home. Should I knock on his door? Should I…

The idea clicked, and I began composing the letter in my head.

Sadly, before I had the chance to deliver it, I got called into work, the group chat kept on exploding with all of us taking turns to check on our new nesting family, and thus began another gauntlet of days that quickly blurred together until I caught my first glimpse of Dorian again more than week later.