Page 117 of Anyone But You

He snorted and waved me in.

“That ‘Hi, Daddy’ shit isn’t going to work on me. Sit down,” he said, pointing at The Chair of Doom in front of his desk. It’s where Mom and I had to sit when we were about to get chewed out. Usually, she’d get an earful about going on elaborate trips with her friends and ditching him for long stretches of time. As for me? It could be anything.

He glared at me, and instead of meeting his judging gaze, I stared at the picture of him and Mom grinning on the island they’d crash-landed on years ago. I dreamily sighed as I thought about their passionate office romance and how their love saw them through the worst of times on the island.

I wish I could have a love like that someday.

The best part was that Dad purchased the uninhabited island a few years ago and named it after my mother. It was called Tori Island, and they took a yearly pilgrimage to the island with minimal supplies and the clothes on their back. I thought it was ridiculous, but they always returned crispy, slimmer, and in love two weeks later.

“Are you missing something, Gia?”

“Mmmmm. I don’t think so,” I replied with a shrug.

He shook his head solemnly, and I knew I had to come clean.

“I can’t find Sock and Puppet.”

“Well, they happened to find my golf bag,” he said, spinning in his office chair and grabbing the bag. He set it in front of me. I peered at the mesh side pocket and sure enough, my albino ferret, Sock, and my black ferret, Puppet, were nestled in there, resting peacefully.

“Uh-huh,” I replied, sitting back against the chair.

“Uh-huh? Is that all you have to say?” he growled.

“Not really.”

“Let’s hear it then.”

“No, thank you.”

“Don’t be shy, Gia.”

“Well… technically they wouldn’t be in your golf bag if you left your clubs in the garage like Mom asks you.”

“Get out,” he said, waving me off. “And take these rank ass bendy straws with you. I can’t believe your mother allowed you to get those vermin. My office smells like an outhouse.”

“That’s probably because you farted,” I teased, picking up my beloved pets.

“I swear to God I will ship you off to boarding school,” he threatened.

“Mom wouldn’t allow that, and you know it.”

He smacked his lips and ran a hand through his salt-and-gently peppered hair.

“I know. I’m full of shit. You know I wouldn’t send you away, baby. Just make sure you latch their cages properly. I don’t want them getting into the rice bin again. Your mother nearly screamed the roof off the house.”

“You’re telling me. Oh, what did you do to Mom?”

He peered at me curiously.

“What do you mean?”

“She told me to tell you that she was waiting for you downstairs, and she called you That Man Over There.”

“What the hell?” he mumbled, gazing off into space. “I don’t remember. But I had to have done something for her to call me That Man Over There. Don’t worry about it, Monty. I’ll buy her something extra nice with a lot of zeros in it today. Be good for your nonna.”

“I will. Have fun.”

A few minutes later, Sock and Puppet returned to their habitat, and I waved my parents off with my nonna beside me.