Page 21 of And Then There Was You

He must have come up from the Island path on the Porthmeor side, scaling the steepest part of the hill. How did I miss his approach?

I can’t ignore him, or walk away. Which is the worst thing.

He’s sitting beside me before I can summon my body to move.

‘That’s what I’m trying to do,’ I say, turning back to the spread of St Ives, determined not to meet his stare.

‘That’s it? No what the hell are you doing here ? No get out of my town ?’

‘There are plenty of other places you could sit.’

‘True. But I wanted to see you.’

Why is he here?

When I don’t reply, he sniffs and brushes sand from the side of his calf. ‘I was running on the Island path and I saw you walk up here. Thought it was best to get the awkward greeting out of the way.’

‘Well, now you have.’

There’s a pause and I know he’s waiting for me to look at him. It’s what he always did when we were together – inject deliberate pauses into our arguments, believing that the moment I gave him my attention, he’d win.

I won’t give him the satisfaction today.

‘I’m opening a place. On the harbour. Bigger and better than we had before.’

No, I’m not rising to it. The restaurant we had for exactly six months, before he announced he was leaving me and closing the business, was the biggest venture we’d taken on.

His idea, not mine. That he felt comfortable in a restaurant far larger than the café I now own speaks volumes.

It’s all for show: big, overblown gestures he can retract in a heartbeat.

I give him six months with Pengelly’s before he starts itching for a different challenge.

But that’s no longer my problem.

I take a slow, deliberate sip of coffee, eyes resolutely forward, as he carries on, spinning his tales about his new business.

‘We’ve just recruited the team, actually. Great bunch of kids. And the building work was completed faster than Scott or I had hoped. We open next weekend.’ I can feel his eyes on me. ‘I hope we’ll see you there?’

‘It’s our busiest time.’

‘Oh, it will be ours, too. So many covers, but with our prime location we’ll have no trouble filling tables. We expect to be packed out all summer.’ That pause again, as if the second time will prove lucky for him. ‘All the same, I’d like to see you . . .’

‘What do you want, Luke?’ I’m glaring at him before I can stop myself. Infuriated that I’ve fallen into his trap, I prepare for a fight, the old impulses from before still surprisingly active after three years of no use.

‘A civil conversation would be a start.’

‘I have nothing to say to you.’

‘Maybe.’ He shrugs. ‘I don’t know, I just thought after three years you’d be over this.’

Over this ? Like the three years of painstakingly piecing my life back together, of carving out a new space and life and business in the town I’d always believed we’d share our lives in, is no more than a trivial injustice?

It takes every ounce of strength I have to remain calm. Luke wants a shouting match – he always did. Because the moment I retaliate, he has me. Words yelled in anger reveal vulnerabilities and truths he can take advantage of. But I know better now.

‘Oh, I’m over you ,’ I say, cool strength on the surface masking the shaking beneath it.

The slightest flicker in his expression is my reward.

‘That’s . . . that’s not what I meant.’

I say nothing.

‘Look, how things ended with us, it wasn’t planned, okay? It wasn’t how I wanted it. And maybe three years away from everything has made me think about that. I want to move on. Put all of the mess behind me.’

‘Then why come back?’

It’s more revealing than I want it to be.

But it’s the question I’ve wrestled with since I found out about Pengelly’s.

He swore he would never return here, making a life somewhere else in the Duchy with the woman he left me for.

The things he said about St Ives on the last day I saw him were the kind of things you don’t just renege on. What’s changed?

‘I missed this.’

It’s ambiguous and I don’t trust it. Missed St Ives? Missed fighting with me? I don’t want to know if it’s the latter. I haven’t mended my heart just for him to smash it again. I don’t love Luke anymore. But it took time to rid my heart of him.

‘Nobody wants you here, Luke. People in the town have long memories and you betrayed so many.’

‘I know. I know .’ He’s irritated now. Truth hurts. ‘I get that I have to work hard to make amends. I know they won’t accept me back easily. But if you put in a word for me . . .’

I want to say I can’t believe this, but I can. ‘No.’

‘Oh come on, Mer. You know they’ll listen to you.’

‘You’ve no right to ask me.’

He shrugs, as if frustration isn’t writ large across his face. ‘Maybe I’ll just say it, anyway.’

‘Do what you want,’ I say, standing up. I need to be away from this.

‘Hey, I didn’t mean it. Sorry. Sorry , Mer. It’s just the stress of getting the business up and running. Look, why don’t I drop by your place in a week or so? I hear you’re doing well.’

‘Please don’t.’ When he stares up at me, I continue. ‘We’re nothing to each other, Luke. So open your business and enjoy being back in St Ives. I wish you success. But stay out of my life.’

I don’t give him the opportunity to reply as I leave the chapel steps and power back down the hill.