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Chapter One

Anaki

I used to stay down in the water for days. Hide in the vegetation, among the fish and other creatures that lived here. They didn’t bother me; they stood by me.

They didn’t see me as a threat because they knew I only fed when I really needed to.

I took only what I needed. That was what I was taught. I never forgot my mother’s lessons when she told me never to kill for the sport, only to feed. Preferably, I should only take the lives of the animals that can no longer contribute to the ecosystem.

The murky water surrounded my body, blocking any visibility except for a faint glow of light trying to penetrate the darkness. My hair floated around my face, tangled and wild, as the final bubbles escaped my lips and rose to the surface.

Light won’t reach this far down. Too cloudy a day.

My lungs burned, and my throat constricted.

I can only stay down here for minutes, unlike I used to.

I never was the strongest dragon, but I’d like to think my swiftness and lungs were beyond superior. I breathed air and water. Not that anyone knew at the club.

Everyone was worried about themselves. Which they should be all of us were slowly dying. To talk about our problems wasn’t for the faint of heart.

There were the few who talked to me about their better days, how their mates rejected them for no other reason but stability, higher ranks in packs, or just plain cruelty.

It swung both ways. Males rejected females, too, but this group…

well we were different. Ready to help each other, and we believed in something better.

Once I heard there was such a group, the Iron Fang, I knew I had to get here fast. Being around souls like me, kindred spirits and all, it brought a spring back into my step. I think it made me better, at least for a while.

My body settled into the muck. My chest tightened, and I could feel the sting of the icy water seeping into my bones.

I gritted my teeth against the numbing cold, and I could no longer feel my fingers or toes.

Each second became more of a motivational struggle to move, but I allowed myself to feel it all.

It was almost as if it were a form of punishment or penance.

Not good enough.

What a weak dragon I was.

I couldn’t keep the cold away, I couldn’t breathe in the water, I couldn’t swim as quickly.

I wanted to feel something other than the hopeless feeling of loneliness. I’d rather feel the pain.

I squeezed my eyes tight and opened them again. An ugly catfish was staring right at me.

I could stay here. Let the waters that once soothed me and my dragon take away the ache in my soul. I didn’t want to deteriorate in front of my brothers. I wanted to be remembered as the lively one who made their lives brighter, even for a time .

People have given me sideways glances lately.

I couldn’t even carry a keg over my shoulder. I could barely roll it to the front of the bar without becoming winded.

Locke was getting better. Never thought his wolf would ever return. Thank the goddess, Journey told everyone to leave the mangy wolf alone. After not even a month’s time, he came crawling back and can shift into human form for short periods.

Locke was psychotic, his methods questionable, brutal, but he brought this club together, and he was going to make it a pack again. I had that much faith in him.

It gave everyone hope. I had hope for them, too.

I let out a low groan in my throat.

Useless, weak, unworthy. Those words chanted in my head.

If my mate strode in the bar tonight and if I somehow could get their attention, would they stay? Or would they reject me?

Staying down here would be for the best. The easiest way, so I did not have to face it.

The club wouldn’t miss me that much. They would move on, try to save as many other souls as they could because that is what this club was about.

It wasn’t uncommon to put shifters down. I’ve seen it with my own eyes. I’d rather go out my way, not be held down, like an animal.

I had my fun with everyone. Made the jokes, the drinks, and danced on the bar. It was all in good fun, just to see everyone smile for at least a little while. I wanted to make them laugh, make them all laugh, to forget the pain of yesterday and today.

But mine was consuming me, and I didn’t know how much longer I could hide it.

Black spots clouded my vision. How long had I been under? Just a few more minutes, that’s all I needed. Or just stay ?

I felt the fish surround me, wrapping me in a cocoon.

A little longer, yes, maybe a nap.

A shout from above had me sitting up in an instant. It was deep, rumbling, a shout so loud I instantly knew who it was. Splashes from the surface, more shouting.

I tilted my head and forced back a smile. If I stayed down here, the stubborn bear would dive in after me if I did not resurface soon.

I pushed my feet into the mud and propelled myself forward. I let my body move and slither, gyrating my hips, legs and body. I tried my best to mimic my dragon’s movements, to feel alive, to find the remnants of him within me.

My lungs burned, and black spots came across my vision. When the light was brighter, I reached out my hand to break the surface, and a strong hand gripped it, pulling me from the waters.

“Damn it, Anaki!” Bear growled when I landed in the dirt.

I took in big gasps of air, starved of the oxygen I needed.

“What the fuck do you think you are doing? Your lips are blue and… you’re naked!” He pulled at his beard and turned away.

When I was done coughing, I broke out into laughter and slung my hair back. “Not that it has bothered you before. Why are you bringing it up now?”

Bear scowled, his hands on his hips like a fussy mother hen. “Nadia is on her way here. I don’t need her to see this.” He pointed to my lower half.

I couldn’t help but lie back, put my hands behind my head and prop up one foot so he could get a full view. “You mean this pose? Why, are you jealous she might find me more attractive?”

Bear and Nadia had a sweet mating. It took Bear long enough to claim her, but with a little pushing of my own, a little makeover for the female, and fattening her up, they did just fine .

At first, I was afraid my relationship with Bear would change. He would want to spend more time with his mate, which he should. However, I was surprised at how they embraced me.

With Bear being a… well, a bear, and me being a dragon, we have similar animal dynamics. We didn’t need a pack to survive, as our animals did well enough on their own. Bears didn’t need packs, so they only came together with other bears to find mates, to trade and hunt with.

Dragons enjoyed their solitude as well. We didn’t have a pack, but there was a hierarchy, with meetings and flocks. We liked social interactions, but also enjoyed our time alone.

Bear lived in a cabin near to the cave I had claimed, which was far from looking like a cave on the inside. Bear had never come inside, so he and Nadia thought I slept on rocks.

While I appreciated Bear and Nadia wanting me to live with them, even going as far as adding an additional bedroom for me, a newly mated couple should not be taking on a lonely dragon.

Especially one that could go rabid soon.

I just wanted someone for myself.

My bruised hearts thumped long and slow. Bear made sure that our friendly, brotherly relationship remained the same, even when I tried to give them space. They both demanded I come to dinners with them and stay in their home often.

They also let me do cuddle piles and sleepovers.

That isn’t normal, and if the bar got hold of that information, it would be the end for all of us.

“Where are your pants?” Bear looked everywhere but me and found them thrown against a tree. He stomped over, picked them up, and threw them in my face.

My body shivered, and I held back a wince when I did. I didn’t want him to see me like this.

“Anaki?” His voice grew softer, and he sat on the ground next to me. “Have you seen Bones lately?”

Right, Bones. If I went to Bones, he would suggest checking in every day. He would put me on a ‘watch list’ for everyone to stare at me. Then he would test me, see how much I can lift, ask how long I can hold my breath, and if I can maintain my body heat while in the water.

I did not need that. I’d been successful at not having to get a physical in a while by giving him free beers.

“Nah, don’t need to.” I shrugged his hand off my shoulder. The act was cold, and Bear’s body stiffened beside me.

“Anaki, this isn’t something to joke around about.”

“Yeah?” I snapped, my eyes darting to him. “And what did you do when you were having problems? Did you run to Bones?”

Bear snorted and played with his beard on his face. “No, and when I got my physical for my supposedly last mission, I told him where he could shove his stethoscope.”

I chuckled and threw on the woolen, tan sweater that had been closer to the water’s edge. I knew I would freeze when I got out, and I wasn’t about to make myself look worse in front of my friend. I didn’t need him to be worrying more than he already was.

“You ready?” Bear asked, talking about covering myself, when we heard footsteps coming through the forest.

I couldn’t smell very well anymore, but the person was prancing and from the rhythm of their steps, I immediately knew who it was.

“Anaki!” Nadia scolded when she approached. “You shouldn’t be swimming. You are going to catch a cold.” She came up behind me and ruffled my hair.

I smiled, enjoying the contact she brought me, and let out a contented growl.

Bear nudged me and looked much more at ease when his mate sat down on his lap and her feet landed in mine. “You aren’t supposed to be swimming when it’s this cold, you know?” Nadia raised a brow.

I huffed and leaned back on my elbows. “You know, just because you are becoming a certified nurse, doctor, whatever under Bones, doesn’t mean you can sass me. I still make your drinks. What if I spike it with something not so nice?”

Nadia gasped. “You wouldn’t dare!”

Bear deeply laughed and stroked his mate’s cheek. “I don’t know, we’ve talked about sleep fucking before.”

“Bear!” Nadia screamed and covered her face. “You can’t—” Then she looked at me with a twinkle in her eye. “I guess you can tell Anaki. He knows everything.” She wiggled her feet in my lap.

We all broke out into laughter, and I watched as Bear placed a kiss on Nadia’s forehead. I knew they were trying to make me feel welcome, a part of their family, but I wanted one of my own.

I moved to stand, and they followed. Bear cleared his throat and rubbed his hand behind his neck.

“Anaki, there is something I needed to tell you. But after seeing you—”

“Don’t.” I cut him off.

“What you were doing—”

“I wasn’t doing anything!” I feigned innocence. “I went for a swim. I needed to feel the water on my scales.” I gritted my teeth together. “Skin. I needed to remember, just like how you used to go for hikes in the forest.”

Bear took Nadia off his lap and stood. He stomped away and smashed his fist into a tree. “But I wasn’t bare ass naked. I wasn’t freezing to death!” he snarled.

Nadia’s head bounced from us both, and I hated the way she looked so sad, how Bear was upset.

“It’s really nothing.” I pulled on the string of my sweater. “It was colder today, that’s all. If it upsets you so much, I won’t do it anymore, alright? Come on, why are you both out here?”

I gave them both a big smile and patted them on the back to lead them back up the pathway in the forest. My cave leads down by the lake, but I didn’t want them to have access to it. Not that I didn’t trust them, but even dragons had to have their secrets.

Nadia leaned into me, and her arm wrapped around my waist. “We were inviting you to dinner.”

“Nadia,” Bear growled and pulled on one of her space buns that looked more like fake bear ears.

Nadia rolled her eyes. “Well, we are inviting you to dinner, but Bear was at a meeting last night, and he was supposed to tell you that you have important orders.”

“Orders?” I stopped along the path. Even the squirrels stopped chattering to listen in.

I didn’t get orders from Locke or anyone from the inner circle. Orders were for special missions, duties to perform in the club. The inner circle met at the church for deeper discussions that I wanted no part of.

I’ll stay behind the bar, thanks.

“What sort of orders?” I jerked my head back and forth.

Bear sighed deeply enough for his bear to come through with a heavy growl. I patted him on the head and made a cooing noise. “Easy there. Let’s not get our berries in a twist.”

Nadia snorted behind me and grabbed my hand. Instantly, my nerves were relaxed, and Bear shook his head dramatically.

“I don’t know why I like you so much,” he grunted and put his hand around the back of my neck to pull me closer to him .

I hummed when his enormous chest warmed my face. The connection of a brother and sister, in both of them, kept my sleeping dragon calm while I was near. I wondered if Bear and Nadia could feel the change in me when we were apart for a time, and when we were close.

“Let’s get some food in you, then we will explain. After the act you pulled down by the lake, I don’t think you should go,” he muttered the last part under his breath.

I whipped my head at him. “Go? Go where? And I am the one who is supposed to be feeding the both of you tonight. Not the other way around.”

At least, I thought it was my turn to cook dinner.

Nadia snorted. “Way to withhold information for less than ten seconds.”

We all walked up the steps, and Bear pressed his fingers into his eyes. “A mission, Anaki. But you are getting a physical first.”