Page 40 of An Unwanted Widow for the Duke (The Unwanted Sisters #3)

Chapter Thirty-One

G erard narrowed his eyes at her. “What do you mean?” he asked.

“Gerard,” she said, her voice quavering.

“What I am trying to tell you is that Robert preferred men. He trusted me with his secret, even though it was dangerous for him to trust anyone. He knew that I was never interested in getting married, at least not to anyone I had met so far. Thanks to our friendship and mutual trust, we did not have any problem sharing a life.”

She paused for a moment.

“However, we never shared a bed, as you know. Not really. Sometimes, we’d sleep next to each other after a night of conversation.

We shared our thoughts and dreams. We kissed once.

We tried. I wanted Robert to have an heir so that nobody else would question him.

B-But the kiss felt wrong. So wrong. It was awkward—it felt like kissing a sibling.

We laughed after. Then, we resigned ourselves to a friendship. It was such a good friendship.”

She clasped her hands together as if in prayer. Then, she unclasped them.

“I loved him, Gerard, but as one would love a friend. A companion. A sibling. We were two people who were stifled by societal norms. We loved how we were sharing a secret that nobody else knew, and at social gatherings, we would be the most attentive couple. It made Lady Farnmont so mad! But yes, that was what our bond was like. It was friendship, not romance.”

Wilhelmina could not breathe. Gerard still had not said anything. He stood there, his face unreadable. But then his jaw clenched, and his eyes darkened.

“Do you understand now?” she prodded, almost pleading.

She never had to beg anyone for anything. She took her father’s punishments and had a response for everything her mother had to say.

Robert was her friend.But Gerard was different.She knew that now. And with that knowledge, she realized that she had to treat him differently if she didn’t want to lose him.

“I want to understand,” he finally said. He exhaled sharply, shaking his head in disbelief.

Wilhelmina knew that her marriage to Robert was never easy to understand, not when people were still quick to judge and when their judgment was dangerous.

“I’m simply trying to reconcile your truth with that of Lady Farnmont—a woman who hates you.”

“Lady Farnmont did not know about Robert’s inclinations,” Wilhelmina explained. “Therefore, her understanding of the matter is flawed. I respected Robert’s wishes so much that I didn’t even tell my sisters the truth. It could have put his life at risk. Yet, he still died.”

“And you decided to tell me now?” Gerard asked, his eyes boring into her.

Wilhelmina swallowed hard. She had known that he would ask that question. But their marriage was not real at the beginning, and it didn’t feel quite so even now. She just had the urge to tell him because she knew that not doing so might mean the end.

The days she had spent without him had been so empty; she had felt like she was clawing at thin air. Grasping for something she could never hold onto.

“I thought to tell you when I feel ready, not because this—this marriage is threatening to fall apart. When you’re ready to listen without judgment. When you’re not about to make it into an interrogation of sorts.”

Gerard let out a harsh laugh.

She could not believe why he was acting that way. All she did was tell him the truth. As for the secrets? They had never promised each other anything. She didn’t even expect him to tell her everything. He didn’t have to.

“When were you planning to tell me, Wilhelmina? After years of marriage? After I thought we were telling each other the truth?”

“That’s unfair!” she protested, her cheeks reddening. “I feel like I’m on trial, and I’ve never done anything wrong. I’ve always followed the rules.”

“Followed the rules? Is everything in life just like that—?” He broke off. “I deserved to know the truth, Wilhelmina.”

She knew why he stopped. He was about to accuse her of being too focused on the rules, when all along, he had been just like that—rigid, proper.

“We did get to know each other, didn’t we?

” Her voice cracked, but she forged on. She faced him with a jutted chin and flashing eyes.

“We married as strangers who needed each other. Now, I’ve learned to trust you enough to tell you a secret that only one other person knew—and now he is in his grave. ”

“We could have talked about it. Why did you let me stand there and listen to all of Lady Farnmont’s accusations, wondering if any of what she said was true? It makes me wonder if you actually care what I think. I trusted you blindly, defending you without knowing the details.”

Tension hung heavily between them. It wasn’t like any they had felt before. It was thick, pulling them apart and yet pushing them together in an unhealthy exchange of words.

“One can’t simply flick fingers to earn trust, Gerard.

It grows. It is earned. Then, it can die and struggle to resurrect.

Yet, you are proving to me that you may just be like the others.

You are demanding my trust as if you have the right to it.

Tell me, though.” Her voice wavered a little.

“Do you truly trust me? Have you opened up to me completely? Told me your deepest secrets even as you demand the secret I do not even have the right to reveal?”

Gerard bowed his head, remaining silent.

“Well?” she prodded, even as her heart could not possibly handle the answer.

He did not answer. Instead, he looked away from her.

She wondered if she should have entrusted him with Robert’s secret because, even though his eyes shuttered, she could swear she saw something akin to fear.

She could not take it anymore; she left the room. Perhaps she should not have gone there at all.