Page 15 of An Intimate Excerpt from the Diary of Our Lady

He pushed himself off the bed and turned to go, standing at the doorframe. He'd left the tentacles holding my arms and legs in place, though he lifted the blankets over me telepathically and smiled. "Sleep, Aviana, and think on how frustrating it is to not be in control of your life and your experiences."1

Hourslater,dayslater,I knew not, I woke. Time seemed to pass strangely in this place, though I wasravenously hungry. Tentacles of shadow held my arms in place, now alongside my body. I smacked my lips, conscious of how dry my mouth felt. I'd screamed plenty during our previous... encounter? Session? Lesson? Who knew.

And my now mortal body was experiencing wear and tear in a way that my normal body did not. Heavens, what must I look like? I'd not attended to my hair in days, and with its length and curl, I was fairly certain that it should have required some maintenance. Regularly, I could just manifest it however I pleased, content with the knowledge that it would be stunning because I'd willed it to be. Now, I needed to brush it, I supposed, if I wanted it to look any semblance of nice, but I hadn't the mobility.

The creak of the door drew my attention as Orcus strode in, carrying another covered tray. Was it to be more treats, or was it time for the true torture to begin? He wore a cheery smile and there was a pep in his step I'd never seen before. It seemed there was a lot I'd never seen of him that this adventure had revealed.

"Hungry, my pet?" he asked.

I should have protested. 'Pet' was no way to address a goddess, even one who deserved such punishment as me, but a shock of arousal burst through me at the name. He'd called me princess more times than I could count, but "pet?" Pet marked a new phase of ourrelationship, and I found that excited me more than anything.

Orcus wanted me to learn what it was like to lose all control of your life, and I understood his reasoning. I had done that to so many, forcing them to wage war for my benefit. In comparison, being Orcus's pet was nothing to the atrocities I'd committed—in ignorance, yes—but atrocities none the less.

Further, the nickname struck something deep within me, sometired, lonelypart that wanted so desperately to be claimed. To have someone choose her, not because ofwhatshe was, but instead because ofwhoshe was.

Of all the people on the planet, in our section of the universe, I realized, Orcus knew me best. He had extensive knowledge, but more than anything, he'd seen me at my worst and still decided to give me that orgasm. He'd still introduced me to this new side of myself that I scarcely knew how to deal with, let alone embrace.

Not to mention... I'd been alone for so,solong. But if I were his "pet?" He'd need to care for me, wouldn't he? He'd have to see to my needs. For my entire life, it had been me, by myself. Even at birth, my own mother had only claimed me as her experiment, but Orcus wanted toownme?

It was possible that I was reading into things. Perhaps, I took an offhand term of endearment and extrapolated things from it that were not true... and yet... I wanted them to be true. I wanted, more than anything, to beownedby him. I wanted—for once—to surrender responsibility to someone else and allow them to determine the course of things. Was that so terribly wrong? To want someone else to take the lead... for once?

No. I decided, it was not. I'd worked hard, disastrous as my efforts may have been, and either way, the answer was the same. Someone else needed to steer the ship that was my planet—or at least my life, for a while, while I took a break to learn. To grow. To... heal?

I'd made mistakes, and they weighed on me, and I wanted to learn, I wanted to be better, but Orcus hadn't been wrong when he'd protested that I was running.

I also wanted abreak. I wanted to only worry about myself and my immediate surroundings, and not worry that the second I let my guard down there might be some great tragedy that needed attending to. That the second I turned my head, my beautiful children would get into mischief I would needto set right.

A 'pet' didn't need to worry about the needs of others, they were cared for. And though I was perhaps a wee bit ashamed of it, I wanted that.

So, instead of issuing a dressing down, I answered.

"Yes, I am hungry, rather," and relaxed into the bed.

1. As someone who is passionate about normalizing the myriad glorious ways a life can be enriched by sex, I feel obligated to mention that Orcus’s actions here are widely regarded as being in bad form. Generally, one in a dominant position should always take the time to ensure their submissive partner(s) are well cared for after an encounter. However, it also strikes me that after pining for Aviana for nearly a thousand years despite her mockery of him, Orcus likely enjoys a hefty dose of degradation, and as such, I expect had not previously been in such a position. It’s a pity the Lady did not make such a discovery during the time she chronicled here.

Chapter fifteen

IN WHICH LESSONS IN PATIENCE

Awidesmilespreadacrosshis face at my words. "You seem... different this morning."

"I feel different," I said.

"A good orgasm will do that to you," he said, sitting next to me on the bed. He removed the cloche to reveal much more food than I would have previously been capable of eating, though today, it almost felt reasonable.

"Am I allowed to feed myself today, then?"

"No," he said, spearing a slice of grapefruit drizzled with what looked to be honey. "I quite liked feeding you the other day. Plus, I think it is a good reminder."

"A reminder? Of what?"

He popped the bite into my mouth, his eyes focused on my lips. "That you're mine. That you are entirely in my control. That I am entirely responsible for you... and that I think you quite like it."

I blushed, refusing to meet his eyes. Admitting it to myself was one thing, but aloud? It wasn't likely to happen anytime soon.

He hummed as he fed me, and over the course of twenty minutes, cycling through every hymn in one of my religions that discussed my beauty or framed me as innocent.1 There were several religions that included me, and they often each focused on varied aspects of who I was. There was perhaps not even one of my people who saw me for all of what I was... there was perhaps no one, save Orcus, who was anywhere close to doing so. It still baffled me howhe,of all people, saw me in the way that he claimed.

No one had ever looked at me like he did, or sought to know the real me the way he did. It was easy to fall into the role he'd cast me in, because it was the only rolethat had ever been created withmein mind, rather than what someone wanted of me. Or maybe he was just the first person whose wants of mecoincidedwith who I truly was. Perhaps it wasn’t truly a role at all. He only expected me to be myself, which was infinitely better.2