Page 49 of Always Mine
“You’re a red-blooded man who’s used to having any woman he wants. We’re not officially dating, and I told you that I needed time.”
This time he gets so close to my face we’re almost kissing, cutting me off.
“I only want you. What will it take for you to believe me? Just tell me and I will do it.”
“You’re not the problem, Marco. It’s me. I’m a twenty-five-year-old woman trapped in the perpetual cycle of eighteen-year-old Sophia’s self-doubt. Ruled by my fear that I’ll giveyou all my body, all my love, and it won’t be enough. I’m not enough, and you’ll walk away.”
“I’m not fucking going anywhere. You’re not just enough. You’re everything. I’d walk through hell for you.”
The tears well now, both at the sincerity of his words and the knowledge of the decision I must make if we’re ever truly going to have a relationship built on a solid foundation and not just lust-filled trysts and breathless kisses.
“When I saw the images of you with Chiara, instead of immediately recognizing them for the click bait they are, I automatically jumped to conclusions based on my preconceived ideas of who I thought you were and my deep-seated fears that you’re still a playboy who I wasn’t enough for. Not only wasn’t enough for, but who you told to go and live six hours away, so you didn’t have to see me anymore.”
“Sophia. That is so far from the fucking truth.”
I raise my hand to stop him from continuing because I need to get this out. I let the tears fall and swallow the acid rising in my throat. “And now that I know the truth, I also realized that I must face one of my own. I can’t be with you in every way until I truly believe I can trust you implicitly. Until I can look at myself in the mirror and believe without a shadow of a doubt that I am the one you will always choose.”
Marco looks up at the ceiling and exhales deeply before fixing his intoxicating gaze on me.
“Well, I’m just going to reiterate what I told you the other night. I’m all the fucking way in. Maybe you should get that tattooed somewhere so that you’re reminded of it every time you check the mirror looking for answers that are standing right in front of you.”
With that he kisses my forehead softly and leaves me standing in my office where I will start my career as a lawyer in a few days. All this time I believed it was the key to making my dreams come true, to making the last six years feel worthwhile. Now I’m not so sure.
Chapter twenty-five
Suit Up
Sophia
Today’sthebigday,the first time I will step into Princi & Associates as an employee. Standing in the elevator with my dad, I take in my tailored black suit, finished with my red pointed Louboutin pumps and a cream overcoat. The Cartier watch Marco gave me hugs my wrist, both a reminder of how big his heart is and how much mine hurts.
After Marco left my office the other day, I did exactly what I had planned to do before our fateful meeting in the elevator. Instead of facing my big feelings alone I did what any lovesick girl does and called in reinforcements in the form of my besties, Evie and Stella. I would have been more than happy with my original guilty pleasures of cake and coffee. Instead, Stella arrived laden with armfuls of shopping bags containing all the ingredients for making her famous espresso martinis. I knew better to argue. I filled them in on everything that happened that day, from Marco’s hilarious texts after being introduced to Why Choose romance, to the blog that had me running scared, then meeting the woman from the blog who turned out to be trouble in the best kind of way, and finally my moment of truth—that as long as theinsecurities of my past rule my feelings and actions when it comes to what I could have with Marco, then there is no future for us. There were tears, mostly mine, but also from Evie, because she’s a complete empath. Before drunk Stella entered the chat, life coach Stella commended my self-awareness. She’s adamant the hurt now will make the depth of what she believes we can have together even sweeter. I hope she’s right. For six years he was two hundred twelve miles away, yet now he’s literally fifteen minutes down the road and I’ve never felt more distant or missed him more. But I must focus; this should be one of the proudest moments of my life. Yet all I can think is that I wish he was here.
“Sophia?” I look up to see my dad staring at me, his eyebrows pinched together. “Did you hear what I said?”
“Sorry, Dad. I zoned out. Just trying out some meditation tips Stella suggested to keep the nerves contained.” Lies. I keep my fingers crossed and hidden inside the sleeve of my coat, just like I did when I was younger. Old habits die hard. His expression softens.
“There’s nothing to be nervous about. You earned this and you’re going to learn from the best. Raf is one of the most impressive lawyers I know. And I’m not just saying that because he’s my son and he’s married to his job.” Dad chuckles at his own joke. “Besides, you’ll meet colleagues in the industry in no time. In fact, Arty mentioned you’re meeting for drinks this week.”
Part of me can’t wait to just get it over with so I can tick the box and we can move onto talking about something else—anything—else! Except the upcoming Law Gala ensures there’s plenty of reasons to keep thrusting Arty into conversation. I don’t answer and my dad continues with his second-favorite topic. “You know, Princess, you made the right decision to keep Marco at arms-length.”
The term of endearment doesn’t have the same glow it once did, and particularly not when he says it with a scowl twisting his features. “I’m concerned the man he’s become is not the boy youremember. He’s making some decisions he’ll regret, and I don’t want you anywhere near it.”
I grind my teeth. What he’s really saying is he doesn’t want me anywhere near him. I really need to expedite the apartment hunt. Between temporarily living at home and now working with my dad, talk of Arty and Marco scratches in my ears like a broken record. Questions about why my dad is so vehemently against me being with Marco romantically gnaw at me. But it’s not a conversation for today, so instead I sweep it under the rug to lie in wait with the other unanswered questions, like what did they talk about in his office that summer six years ago, and what fueled their standoff on New Year’s Eve. I nod to somewhat placate him, but don’t hesitate to add, “Whatever he may be, Marco is best friends with your sons, so he will always be in my life as a friend, too. And just in case you forgot, he’s your best friend’s son. Please try to remember your manners before you throw accusations out.” Then to lighten the mood, I joke, “Kinda think that’s 101 for a lawyer, Boss.” My dad scoffs, his attention now on his phone. Nevertheless, he takes the light ribbing as it’s intended without pressing his “good-for-nothing-Marco” spiel any further.
The ding of the elevator arriving on our level reminds me exactly why I’m here and the significance of taking this next step. I straighten my shoulders, lift my head high and officially step over the threshold into the Princi & Associates office as the first female lawyer to carry the Princi name. Satisfaction courses through my body; I damn well did it. I reached the pinnacle of success expected of me. The only thing that would have made it sweeter would have been celebrating it with the one person I want but don’t trust myself to have.
Chapter twenty-six
Not Better Or Wise
Marco
“Okay,okay.Shush,allof you, or you’ll ruin the surprise,” chides Sophia’s mother. “Patrick just texted. They’re only two floors away.”
I wonder if she would still feel the same way if she knew the man pulling the strings of said surprise for her daughter was the same one her daughter confessed she couldn’t trust with her heart—and right in this very same office. If Sophia’s mother knew anything of what happened between us, or was annoyed at my presence this morning, it didn’t show.
When I arrived, laden with my gifts for Sophia, she cupped my cheek and greeted me warmly in that motherly way she’s always done most of my life.