Page 19 of Alpha Wolf’s Nanny (Silvermist Wolves #2)

He had to hand it to her, Cassie was a very efficient camper.

She had the tent rolled up and her pack balanced and ready to go in about ten minutes flat.

Whenever he’d been camping with the guys, it was an absolute nightmare in the mornings.

Nicolas was a beast, unable to function without caffeine.

Rick had often reached his limit by dawn with the dirt and disorder and chaos.

Dane always made grand announcements about his supposed manly camping skills, and then would spend half an hour utterly failing to pack the tent away correctly.

Cassie was an absolute master of the art.

Felix’s few offers to help her had earned him a stern glare, so he’d held up his hands and let her get on with it. When it came time to leave, however, he did insist on taking the pack from her, despite her protests.

“I don’t care about math, I’m perfectly capable of carrying a thirty-pound pack!”

“Okay, how about the fact that I’m a shifter and this literally weighs no more than a cushion to me?”

“...Fine.”

At least Nicolas had been kind enough to drop him off some clothes.

He’d sniffed down the pile early that morning, left a respectful distance away from the camp.

He didn’t particularly relish the idea of making the hike in the nude, and he doubted Cassie would be entirely comfortable with him shifting into a wolf to accompany her.

The thought made his stomach clench. For some reason, he couldn’t fully understand, he wanted her to be comfortable around him. Man or wolf.

Not that she seemed uncomfortable the night before. In hindsight, perhaps he had overstepped. Kissing her like that, touching her…

He’d promised himself he’d keep it all professional. And he’d fundamentally broken that promise in the night.

Risking a glance over at Cassie, he was surprised to see a small smile tugging at the corner of her lips, a slight blush staining her cheeks. She seemed lost in her own little world. Was she thinking about last night? About what they did?

The memories flashed behind his eyelids, and he found himself growing slightly uncomfortable, his trousers tightening. With a shake of his head, he raked his hand through his hair, focusing on the trail ahead of them.

“About last night…” he started, his hands clenching slightly.

Her gaze whipped to him, her small, secret smile gone, a look of pure anxiety on her face. “I’m sorry, I know we agreed to be professional, I hope I didn’t—”

“Cassie,” he stopped her with a hand on her shoulder, “that’s not it. I mean… I’m sorry. I was angry, my blood was up, and I would hate to think I took advantage of you in any way.”

“You were angry?” she asked, her eyebrows drawing together as she tugged her lower lip between her teeth.

“Not at you,” he reassured, “at Rick. At myself. At…at everything.”

She paused a while, looking down at her feet. “It must be a lot of responsibility. Being an alpha.”

“You have no idea,” he said, dropping his hand from her shoulder. He didn’t miss the brief look of disappointment that crossed over her face.

“You didn’t take advantage of me,” she said. “Truthfully, I wasn’t sure that you…wanted me like that.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” he said, his jaw dropping.

Her eyes narrowed. “What, you were the one who said you didn’t want to see me again after we…you know…”

“Cassie, that had absolutely nothing to do with—”

“It’s okay,” she interrupted, picking up her pace. “I get it, it’s fine.”

He didn’t believe her, but he also didn’t want to push the point. Especially when he didn’t really know what he wanted.

Felix clenched his jaw, matching her faster pace.

Her smaller frame was practically marching now, each step laced with frustration, or maybe embarrassment.

Probably both. He hated that he’d put that look on her face again, the one that braced for rejection.

Like she was preparing to be discarded before it even happened.

“Cassie,” he said, a little more gently, “can you slow down?”

She didn’t look at him, but her steps faltered. That was something.

“It wasn’t about not wanting to see you again,” he continued, “it was about control. You were right, I said we should keep things professional. I didn’t want there to be any confusion after our night together. And then I broke that. I kissed you. That’s on me.”

“You think I regret it?” she asked softly.

The question caught him off guard.

He stopped walking. So did she, a few paces ahead, her back to him. The forest around them was quiet. He could hear the beating of her heart.

“I don’t,” she said, still not turning. “Regret it, I mean. That you kissed me.”

Felix closed the distance between them, slowly, cautiously. He didn’t touch her this time, just stepped close enough that his presence was unmistakable.

“I don’t either,” he said, “not for a second.”

She finally turned to face him. Her eyes searched his, trying to find the lie. He let her look.

“I wanted to kiss you when I found you in that stream,” he admitted, voice rough. “I’ve wanted to kiss you every time I see how wonderfully you take care of my boys. I wanted to kiss you in the hall yesterday. You have no idea how much I wanted you. How much I still want you.”

Her lips parted, and for a moment she said nothing. “Then why do you keep pushing me away?”

Felix let out a long breath, dragging a hand through his hair. “Because if I let myself have you, even for a moment, I won’t want to stop. And I can’t promise you a simple life, Cassie. Not with who I am. What I am. I’m a shifter. You’re a human. We’re not…this isn’t…we’re not compatible.”

“I don’t care,” she blurted out.

The words hung there between them like an open door.

Felix stepped closer until the scent of her reached his nose, fig trees in spring. He reached out, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear. She didn’t flinch.

“I’m not good at this,” he said. “At…being close. Or soft. Or even honest, most of the time.”

She gave a soft snort. “You don’t say.”

He huffed a short laugh, and some of the tension cracked around them. He let his hand fall away, but not far, just to hover near her waist.

“You scare the hell out of me,” he said.

Cassie blinked. “I do?”

“You’re not from here. You don’t know our laws, our traditions, our territory. You were thrown into our world and still walked in like you had every right to belong. You’re brave, Cassie. And brave people get hurt.”

She considered him for a long moment. There was something in her eyes, something impossibly sad, something older than her years.

Felix got the distinct sense that he had just walked into something that he didn’t understand, something that truly did scare him.

Then, in a voice just above a whisper, she said, “I’m not brave, Felix. I’ve never been brave.”

Felix didn’t answer that. He didn’t know how. Whatever it was that had scared her, that scared her still; it ran deep. Instead, he said, “I think I’ll kill anyone who tries to hurt you again.”

Her breath hitched. She stepped forward, just a little, her boots scuffing the dirt. Her gaze lifted to his, and this time there was no flinching.

“I’m not sure you know quite how much that means to me,” she said.

The silence stretched again, but it wasn’t awkward. It was thick with something else. Anticipation, maybe. Or inevitability.

His fingers brushed her hip.

Her fingers curled around the fabric of his shirt.

“Felix,” she whispered.

And this time, when he kissed her, it wasn’t frantic or desperate. It was slow. Controlled. Measured.

But no less intense.

Her arms wrapped around his shoulders, his hands anchoring her waist, and the kiss deepened with each breath. She opened to him, trusting him, giving in, and he kissed her like a man who had been starving for far too long.

When they finally pulled apart, his forehead rested against hers.

“We should keep walking,” she murmured, their lips still tingling.

“We should,” he agreed, not moving.

She laughed softly, and he smiled against her skin.

Eventually, they did start walking again. Not hand in hand, not yet, but close. Close enough to brush shoulders now and then. Close enough that the tension between them had shifted into something warmer.

But still, her words turned themselves over and over in his head.

I’m not brave.

I’m not sure you know quite how much that means to me.

Was she in danger from something? The mere idea of it made his vision turn red with pure rage.

She hadn’t just said she wasn’t brave. There had been something deeper in her tone, raw, vulnerable, too honest to be casual.

He glanced sideways at her as they picked their way down the narrow path through the trees. She was watching the trail ahead, her brow slightly furrowed, lips pressed together like she was holding something back.

His wolf stirred uneasily.

“Cassie,” he said slowly, “can I ask you something?”

Her shoulders stiffened, but she nodded.

“Was there someone before?” he asked, keeping his voice soft, careful. “Someone who hurt you?”

She stopped walking.

“What?”

‘You don’t have to tell me,” he added quickly, palms up, “but…the way you talk sometimes. Call it a hunch, whatever. I’ve seen fear before, and…well, let’s just say I know the signs.”

Cassie looked at him, eyes wide, but not shocked. Almost…tired.

“Felix…”

“You don’t owe me anything,” he said, turning towards her, taking her arm gently to make her stop walking, “but you have to know. If someone hurt you, if there’s someone still out there who’s threatening you…”

“It’s not like that,” she said quickly, almost too quickly. “It’s not some guy I’m hiding from. There’s no abusive ex waiting to drag me back to some awful life.”

Felix narrowed his eyes, watching her closely. “Then who is it?”

She swallowed, looking down at her hands. Her voice was smaller when she finally spoke. “There’s nobody. Nothing. I’m perfectly safe.”

He growled then, tilting her chin up. Her face was the very picture of anxiety, her hands turning over themselves, her skin pale. “Cassie. Who is making you feel unsafe?”

“I told you already, nobody!”

“If they’re blackmailing you or something, I don’t care, I’ll rip them to shreds no matter what.”

“Blackmail? What? No, no, it’s nothing like that!”

“Then what is it? I can’t help you if you don’t tell me!”

“I didn’t ask for your help!”

“Well, you’ve got it, whether you like it or not.”

“Felix,” she said, her eyes turning steely, “there’s nobody after me. I appreciate your protectiveness, I really do, but I’m fine!”

His eyes narrowed as he searched her face. “Then why do I get the sense that you’re still hiding something from me?”

She sighed, looking to the side, her eyes scanning the trees. She opened her mouth to speak, once, then twice, but no words came out. It was like she couldn’t figure out what to say.

“Look,” she said finally, her cheeks reddening, “I didn’t tell you before because I didn’t want to make a big deal of it. But the truth is, you’re not the only one who’s scared of being close to people. I didn’t…I wasn’t like that before. With anyone.”

He frowned. “What do you mean?”

She met his eyes, and the words came fast, like she had to say them before she lost her nerve, “That night, when we slept together...I was a virgin.”

The forest seemed to fall completely silent.

Felix stared at her, stunned. “What?”

Cassie flushed deeply. “It’s not some big deal, alright? I just thought you should know. You said you didn’t want to take advantage of me, and I figured if you knew, you’d—”

“Stop,” he said, stepping closer, “wait. Are you serious?”

Her chin lifted, defensive now. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Cassie, I’m not—dammit, I’m not judging you. I’m just…shocked. That’s all. You didn’t seem—”

“Didn’t seem what?” she snapped. “Innocent enough? Naive enough?”

“No!” he said quickly, hands raised. “That’s not what I meant. I just…I didn’t know. You didn’t tell me.”

“Why would I?” she asked, quieter now. “It was supposed to be one night. And I didn’t want you to think less of me.”

Felix let out a long breath, stepping even closer. “Cassie. Look at me.”

She did, reluctantly, arms crossed tight over her chest like a shield.

“I don’t think less of you. Not even a little. I just wish I’d known. Because if I had…I would’ve made sure you knew how much it meant to me.”

Her lip trembled slightly, but she bit it to hide it.

He took another step, brushing his fingers against her forearm. “I would’ve been more careful. Not less passionate, not less honest, but…slower. Safer. Because you deserve that.”

She exhaled a shaky breath, voice small. “You don’t need to make a big deal of it.”

“Maybe I don’t,” he said. “But I want to.”

She didn’t respond right away. Just looked up at him, eyes dark and unreadable.

“I’m not ashamed of it,” she said at last. “I made the choice. I don’t regret it. But it’s hard not to feel like maybe you should’ve had someone with more…experience. Someone who knew what they were doing.”

Felix gave a short, incredulous laugh. “Cassie, do you have any idea what that night did to me? I couldn’t stop thinking about you. Still can’t.”

She blinked.

“I’ve never once thought you were lacking anything. Not then. Not now.”

Her voice was a whisper, “You really mean that?”

He nodded. “Every word.”

They stood there, just looking at each other as if truly seeing each other for the first time.

Then Cassie reached for his hand, lacing her fingers through his.

He squeezed gently.

And then, for the first time since he met her, Felix felt like maybe, just maybe, he wasn’t completely lost.