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Jax sensed the sincerity Niall’s conflict. But he didn’t know what to do with it.

“I’m not entirely sure that makes it better. Even if there’s a reason for it, you’re basically still telling me you have feelings for your ex.”

“Exes.”

“Of course. How could I possibly have forgotten—”

“And, no, not ‘feelings’ in the way you’re thinking. Our romance is over. But I do love them.”

Jax pushed away from Niall. “I can’t believe you say that like it’s nothing. Can you even hear yourself? First, you tell me you still have feelings and now you’re saying you full-on love them?”

Niall shook his head vigorously. “No, no. Not like that. What I mean is, I love them as friends. That’s the only place they fit into my life now. And you know I would never act—”

“What do you mean ‘fit in your life now?’” Jax interrupted.

An inscrutable expression crossed Niall’s face. “I…um…I was going to tell—”

“Wait a minute—”

“Jax—”

“Shit! Fucking shit!—”

“Babe—”

“Shit!” Jax exclaimed again, his body vibrating. “It’s Ronan and Teal, isn’t it?! It has to be them! Your bosses are also your exes?!”

“Yes. I didn’t mean to blurt it out like that. But that’s what I wanted to talk to you about earli—”

Jax leaped out of the bed, arms flailing.

“Fuck! Right under my nose this whole time?! You’ve been in love with your bosses and—what—you just decided not to tell me?

” He twisted his hair into a bun and squeezed it before releasing the strands to swing wildly against his chin.

“Fuck! How could I have been so stupid?”

Niall jumped up and put a hand on Jax’s arm. Jax shook it off like he’d been scalded.

“Jax, I promise nothing has happened. Not since you and I met. And nothing will.”

His placating tone pissed Jax off even more.

“What the fuck, Niall?! Ronan and Teal are your exes, and you said nothing? You’ve just been going to their house every day, feeling your fucking feelings for them you can’t make go away? Shit. You were over there tonight.”

“Jax, you need to take a breath. Please.” They stood at the foot of the bed, naked other than boxer briefs. Jax’s nostrils flared.

“Don’t tell me to fucking breathe, Niall! I had a right to know you used to fuck around with your bosses.”

“It’s in the past!”

“Do they know? That you still care? That your heart just ‘got bigger’ and they’re still in it? Do they wish you were still sleeping with them?”

A guilty look crossed Niall’s face and Jax blanched. “They fucking do! Shit. You’ve known this whole time your bosses still want to sleep with you, and you kept working for them? Never told me?”

Niall paced a few steps around the bedroom.

“Jax, I’m trying to be as honest with you as I can be here.

You can yell at me all you want. I get it.

But the fact remains that nothing is going to happen with them!

Do I think Ronan and Teal still want me?

Yes, that’s the vibe I get. But they’ve never pushed for it and have completely respected my decision to end that part of our relationship.

You’ve met them. You know they’re good guys. They won’t cross any lines.”

“Do you realize what you’re saying? You’re still attracted to them. They’re still attracted to you. And I’m what? An obstacle keeping you apart?”

“No! Never say that. I’m exactly where I want to be.

” Niall stepped closer to Jax. “You are the person I want to be with. I came home tonight knowing it was past time to be honest with you about my history with Ronan and Teal. And since now I know you’ve been feeling something weird all along, I’m even more glad I told you.

Even if you’re yelling at me. Because now it’s out in the open, and we can deal with it. ”

Jax lifted his palms. “I honestly do not know what to do with this information. No idea where we’re supposed to go from here.”

“Babe, I love you. I’m sorry I can’t make this go down easier.

But I want to be with you.” Niall scraped a hand over his face.

“I see now it was selfish to keep my job. I don’t know if not being in their vicinity will diminish the feelings, but it certainly can’t hurt.

And you need to know that you’re my priority. ”

Jax sat down defeatedly on the bed. He knew how much Niall loved his position, loved being part of the household for one of the most famous omegas in the state. And he was offering to leave his job. Jax felt the weight of his emotions as the reality of their situation sank in.

The minutes ticked by. Niall didn’t attempt to fill the silence, and Jax felt some of the anger leave his body. At least he had an answer now. It was messy, yes, but it was the truth.

And despite their fight, Jax knew his bond with Niall was real.

Niall wasn’t lying about being faithful, at least with his body.

Any sexual relationship he’d had with Ronan and Teal was in the past. Still, the fact that his boyfriend had kept this information from Jax—that he felt this way at all—burned.

Would having Niall quit make him feel better?

Or would he feel like an asshole for forcing Niall to leave a job he loved?

If he truly believed Niall wouldn’t betray him in the physical sense—and he did—did it matter if Niall still worked for the couple?

Still harbored love for them in his big heart?

Jax thought of the interactions he’d had with Ronan and Teal.

The couple had always been cordial, asking about his work or making small talk. They’d never seemed particularly protective of Niall, as though they had a claim to him. Which brought another question to his mind.

“Nigh, you said you realized only recently that your relationship with them was more than casual?”

“Yes, I thought we were just having fun, because it was convenient and because they needed to have someone who would be discreet. In retrospect, I see it was more.”

“Do they feel the same way?”

Niall scrunched his brow. “I assume they figured it out afterward, like I did. Polyamory was part of their relationship from the beginning. They’d had other betas in their bed. But once we started up, they were never with anyone else.”

“And you?”

“Some other hookups in the beginning, but it was only them pretty quickly.”

Jax exhaled again. “How long?”

Niall didn’t blink. “From a few months after Zayne was born, until the day I met you.”

Jax did a quick calculation in his head. “Three years.” The sheets felt cool against his skin as he fell back onto the bed. “You shared their bed for over three years. I can’t believe you never told me.”

“I wanted to avoid this exact anxiety you’re feeling now.” Niall sat down tentatively next to where Jax lay. “It changes nothing. I still love you more than ever, and I won’t do anything to jeopardize our relationship.”

“But you won’t stop loving them.”

“I can’t stop loving them. That has nothing to do with us.”

“I don’t know if I can accept that.”

Niall nodded and inched closer to Jax until their legs touched.

“All I can give you is the truth. I’m sorry it took me this long to tell you, and I wish I could make it easier to bear.

Whatever you decide, even if you can’t accept it and want to split up, you should know it won’t change how I feel about you.

I’ll love you until the day I die. Whether or not we’re together.

Remember my big heart? You’re never leaving it. ”

Jax took in that last statement stoically, rolling it around in his mind.

“Also,” Niall continued, “I meant what I said. I can give Ronan and Teal my notice if it’s something you need. If it would help you.”

“I don’t know. Honestly, what I need right now is time. I have to think about everything you’ve told me. Process it.”

Niall ran a finger down Jax’s tattooed arm, tracing the outline of a sunburst on his elbow. “Should I go back to my place?”

Jax pictured lying in his bed alone, dissecting each interaction he’d seen Niall have with Ronan and Teal, thinking about every word Niall had ever uttered about them.

Being apart didn’t feel right. They’d started their conversation with Jax worrying about the separation his new job would bring.

But it wasn’t physical distance that could harm them.

It was mental distance. Now that Niall had been honest with him, Jax realized they could survive any storm. As long as they talked to one another.

And Jax knew now that they could. If Niall could tell him this, he could tell him anything. That was how they’d navigate moving forward.

He just needed more time to think on it, to decide what he could live with, what it meant to have a poly boyfriend.

“I don’t need you to go to your place,” Jax said. “Stay with me tonight… Hold me. We can talk more in the morning.”

Niall practically tackled Jax as he laid them down and assumed the position of big spoon. He brushed Jax’s hair to the side and kissed behind his ear. “I love you.”

“I know.”

***

The morning sun peeking through the windows brought Jax the clarity he needed.

Slowly waking, he found himself gazing at Niall's sleeping form. A rush of love swept over him. It had been a rough night, but he was grateful they hadn’t parted in anger.

Jax brushed his nose to Niall’s. Niall leaned forward and kissed the beta pride tattoo on Jax’s chest, letting his lips linger on the B.

Jax pulled away.

“Sorry,” Niall mumbled.

“No. I only wanted to do this.” Jax moved his hand to the back of Niall’s head, guiding it forward until their mouths touched. Niall kissed him back, hesitant at first, then with more urgency. Eventually, Jax ended the kiss and pressed their foreheads together.

“That was a surprise,” Niall rasped. “A good one. I thought maybe I’d wake up and your side of the bed would be cold.”

“You don’t need to quit,” Jax replied abruptly. “Maybe I’m the dumbest mothereffer in the state for saying that, but I can’t be the reason you leave that job. I know how much it means to you, especially because of your parents.”

“I didn’t want to bring that up last night, but you’re not wrong.”

“You’re not the first man to have an ex—sorry, exes—in his orbit, and certainly not the first to have complicated feelings. But if I can’t trust you, if I don’t have faith in how amazing these last eight months have been, then what’s the point of being together?”

“You can trust me. I promise.”

Jax gazed at Niall, trying to formulate into words the revelations that came to him overnight as he’d lain awake.

Once the hurt and anger passed, he’d been left with the essentials of the situation.

His boyfriend was poly and would probably always feel a connection to his exes, but was also doing his level best to ensure Jax was his future.

“I know you believe that, when you say it—”

“It’s true,” Niall insisted.

Jax put a finger on Niall’s lips. “Like I said, I know you believe that. But what I figured out is that we need to stop pretending we can make those kinds of promises. The reason I’m not asking you to quit your job, or to change our relationship, is that we don’t know how we’re going to feel tomorrow.

No one does. You said it best. You’ve had your own recent revelations that changed your understanding of yourself. ”

Niall nodded. “I never want to hurt you,” he whispered.

“And I doubt you ever will, not intentionally,” Jax said. “But this is…complex, to say the least. It’s a good start that you know your own mind, and that you’ve let me in on what you’re feeling, but what I can accept today, not to mention what you can live with, might not always stay the same.”

“So, we’re staying together, and you understand my feelings, and I don’t have to quit my job, but with, like, an asterisk?”

“I think that’s the best I can offer you. In fairness, I think that’s the best anyone can offer anyone.” Jax pulled Niall to him, their long beta bodies aligned. “What I know is, letting you go over something that might happen feels premature. You said last night that you love me—”

“I do.”

Jax brushed his fingers through Niall’s hair. “I love you, too. I’m trusting you to keep your word to always be honest. All the rest of it—fidelity, exclusivity, monogamy—those are promises you can’t make.”

“I can,” Niall hushed out.

“No, Nigh, you can’t. But you can do the honesty. You let me know if something in your heart changes, okay?”

Jax got out of bed and stretched his arms above his head, at peace with his decision. Niall stayed tangled up in the sheets, looking less sure.

“Thank you for trusting me,” Niall said after a minute. “We’re going to be okay.” It was as much a question as a statement.

“I really hope so. In the meantime, I’ll let my bosses know I’m happy to accept the Hampson Towers assignment.”

“Okay.”

“And there is one thing you can do for me.”

“Name it.”

“Move in. We’re obviously in this. If I have to be away, I want to picture you in my bed, our bed. Waiting for me. I want to know we’ve made that commitment.”

“I’ll let my landlord know today.”

Niall’s quick response did a lot to ease any underlying fears Jax still harbored.

Niall stood and wrapped his arms around Jax, pressing his lean torso into Jax’s furry chest. “I can’t apologize for being wired differently, but I am sorry it’s caused you this hurt. I love you so much.”

“Good thing for you, my wiring seems to have a favorable default setting.”

“Oh yeah, what’s that?”

“Make Niall happy.”