Page 100 of Almost Rotten

Noah sighs. He waits a few beats. Then, evenly, he murmurs, “You’re not okay.”

I’m not.

He knows.

But what the hell am I supposed to say to that?

I can’t break down. I need to be strong for him. For Sawyer. I need to keep it together so this new dynamic we’re exploring doesn’t fall apart.

“It’s okay to be soft sometimes, Merce.”

My muscles lock up as the dueling urges to freeze and to fight grip my insides.

“You need to let her be soft sometimes, too,” he breathes. “You expect so much out of everyone. But she’s hurt. She messed up and she’s confused.”

The sharp, defensive armor I long ago created slips into place and one counterargument after another flits through my mind.

Before I can settle on one, he says, “It’s okay to feel out of control. It’s okay to be scared. But you can’t bulldoze through her feelings while she’s trying to process all the shit she’s been through. You can’t tell her how to feel or expect her to stick to a standardized timeline as she wades through the mess, searching for a solution.”

I tug on my hair, relishing the pain that lances my scalp.But she’s trapped.She’s stuck in a problem of her own making.

The week I gave her was more than generous, given the situation.

If he thinks—

“I know you want to argue with me,” he says, a hint of amusement in his tone. “But for once, I have more experience than you when it comes to a woman. Please do me the honor of taking my advice. If you can’t do that, then at least keep your arguments to yourself and let me think you’re going to take it.” He brushes a tendril of hair from her face. “Let her be soft. Be what she craves when it all feels like too much. Let this be the place where she knows she’s safe.”

Mouth snapped shut, I finally inch closer, willing the tension in my muscles and the anxiety in my chest to unwind.

As I settle on the bed, a heavy, drawn-out yawn surprises me. I’ve been so wired. I’m only now realizing how tired I really am.

“You need rest,” he says. “Don’t set an alarm. I’ll get up early and take her with me while I do chores. If she wants. I’d like to invite her to stay all day, and maybe she could sleep over tomorrow night, too.”

His optimism pisses me off.

He’s not grasping the extent of the situation.

“You could make dinner tomorrow night,” he suggests. “We could do a bonfire. I think she’ll agree if we plan out the day and ask her to stay. Then you two could go to work together on Monday.”

Fuck being soft.

Noah’s soft enough for the both of us.

Mentally, I drop the iron gates around my heart. He doesn’t understand how dire this situation is, but I refuse to shatter his hope tonight.

I can’t hurt him. And I sure as hell won’t let her hurt him either.

Rather than voicing my concerns, I reach over Sawyer’s body and grip him by the back of the head.

“She’s here now,” I say. “We’ll ask her to stay tomorrow, and then we can take it from there.”

It’s a vapid reassurance, but it’s all I have to offer tonight.

Chapter forty-three

Sawyer

When I crack my eyes open, I’m met with warmth and weight and soft light.