Page 36 of Allured (Love and Burlesque #1)
CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
EZEKIEL
A bittersweet goodbye.
“ I had the last of your boxes delivered to your new residence.”
A part of me still feels somewhat detached from my body as I speak the words to Elizabeth. My now ex—wife. While we have been separated now for nearly four months, it is still difficult to erase the feelings that come with the twelve years we shared our life. It’s tragic to admit a partnership spanning over a decade is over, but we both had foreseen this. Over the last handful of years, we both knew our marriage was not what we wanted it to be. If anything, we felt stuck and remained together for appearance more than love.
I must admit, the feelings of failure and remorse are morphing into a bearable bittersweet nostalgia. It has taken months of reflection, journaling, reading, and new experiences to allow me into that mindset.
“Thank you, Ezekiel. I appreciate how you were willing to take charge of my belongings,” Elizabeth replies with a serene smile. I lay my eyes on her for a moment. She looks relaxed and enlightened in a way that I only recently became accustomed to myself.
While on our trek to my car at the airport, Elizabeth recounted her adventures in the Camino de Santiago, a month—long pilgrimage she thought would afford her spiritual clarity. Her eyes were brilliant as she shared her memories of the other places in Europe she also visited. I cannot remember the last time she radiated such ease and positive energy.
“I haven’t seen you this delighted in years,” I comment, the low classical music on the radio providing a background to my voice.
“And I don’t think I’ve seen you this tranquil in the entire time I’ve known you,” Elizabeth replies, turning her body marginally in the passenger seat. I feel her eyes study me as I drive.
“I am not pressuring you to divulge specifics, but…” she pauses for a second before continuing, “therapy has treated you well?”
“I do not mind sharing with you,” I start. “Therapy has been enlightening, surely, but words are words. It wasn’t until I began to open myself to new experiences and truly allowed myself to express my emotions that I felt progress. In a way, I’ve had my own Camino of sorts to walk through.”
A flash of light from my right turn signal illuminates her form in the darkening cab of the car as the sun sets behind us. There are unshed tears of happiness and a gentle smile that travels up to her green eyes.
“I’m so happy for you, Ezekiel. Really, I am. I’ve never known a man more deserving of true happiness.” Elizabeth breathes deeply as she pats my forearm.
Pulling my car into the driveway, I park the car and turn to stare at her.
“I am happy for you too, Elizabeth,” I say. There’s no need to repeat any sorrowful feelings of regret or what—if scenarios. At this point in our journey, we have both come to terms with the fact that we simply were not one another’s true love.
Not another word is spoken between us as we step out of the car and head into our— my home . There are a few items Elizabeth has to sort through before I drive her over to her new apartment and we separate one final time.
Opening the door, a cheerful Peaches greets us. This tells me that she has been fed since she is not screaming or clawing at either of us to fetch her dinner.
“I organized a final copy of the divorce papers for you.” I lift Peaches into my arms and motion over to the top of the cabinet in the foyer.
Elizabeth nods to me in thanks.
“Would you like water or tea? The flight must have been exhausting for you,” I comment, walking over to the kitchen where I pause in surprise. Peaches takes the opportunity to leap from my arms onto the counter to sniff at the foreign objects I’m staring at.
On the counter, there are grocery tote bags. Some emptied and some holding what seem to be vegetables. I certainly did not leave these here before I left for errands early this afternoon. I have the mind to check my phone to see if I may have missed a grocery delivery or if Maude had left me some food, but I see nothing but a black screen. Not knowing when exactly my phone died today, I sigh and walk over to the charging port in the wet bar area. After the few virtual meetings I had this morning, I was so preoccupied with driving and seeing Elizabeth that I completely ignored the dead device.
As I am walking back to the kitchen counter, I see a note tucked underneath one of the bags. I can already tell from the handwriting that it’s from Maude.
Ezekiel, honey, I went ahead and fed your little Peachy girl this afternoon since I saw you and Elizabeth weren’t home yet. Please do have her come by to say hi. It’s been much too long since I’ve seen her. I put away the groceries the delivery driver dropped off for you at noon.
I pause, scrunching my face in confusion. I hadn’t ordered anything for delivery today. I continue reading.
I reckon a man as fit and good—looking as him should have been a model for a gym or something and not delivering groceries. Anywho– I put them away for you. Whatever you’re making, please do send a bowl over. It looks delicious already.
A wave of panic surges through my body.
Alek was here this afternoon to drop off groceries.
Alek met Maude and I can only assume she gossiped her little heart out to him.
No. No. No.
It was supposed to work out perfectly. Alek would come over tomorrow and everything would have been finalized and resolved. My life and my mind clear of anything that had been holding me back with him. I berate myself as I pace back and forth, it feels like I’m burning a hole into the tiles as I drag my feet over them.
“Ezekiel?” Elizabeth appears before me, clearly worried at the wreck of an impression I must be making.
“Elizabeth, I’m sorry. I just need a moment.” I take a deep breath and pinch at the bridge of my nose to calm myself. I need to talk to Alek but I know my phone is useless for at least a few minutes until it charges the minimal amount.
“I may have just ruined my relationship,” I blurt out and Elizabeth frantically motions for me to continue. Within a few minutes, I told her about Alek and the whirlwind of a love story we’ve had over the last two months. Her reactions were encouraging and reassuring throughout my retelling of events. She did not force me to hurry when my voice became weak, my words tough to physically speak as my throat constricted. Not once did I feel a pang of jealousy or doubt from her. It felt like when we were best friends before our marriage and the few years after we became wedded. Having her listen as I bared my emotions was more comforting than I could process.
“You love him,” she simply states and I nod. “Then you need to explain the situation to him. Ezekiel, I don’t mean to chastise you but this should have been something you told him upfront. Alek seems like a kind and understanding individual, why wouldn’t you tell him?” I know the anger seeping into her tone is justified.
“The failure of our marriage was still fresh when I first met him, Elizabeth. How could I have started something with him if I didn’t have closure from such a huge part of my life? I needed time to think. Time to be right with myself.” I rub my hand down my face, agonizing in the wait for my phone to turn back on.
“I tried to stay away from him. I did. I didn’t feel I was prepared nor was I deserving of someone like him when I was still healing from ruining my marriage to you. But something larger than me kept connecting us in ways that I can't explain. No matter how hard I tried, everything always came back to Alek.”
Elizabeth steps up and reaches toward my hands clasped in front of my face. She lowers them down and places them on the counter so that I have no choice but to look at her.
“Ezekiel. You did not fail me. I failed me , you failed you . And it’s up to us to make it up to ourselves and ourselves only. I don’t want an apology or any sorrow from you and I don’t want to be the one holding you back from someone you truly love. I know you wish the same for me.”
At that moment, my phone pings with the sound from the starting screen. Elizabeth leaves my side and walks over to remove my phone from its charger.
“Here, make your call and do whatever you must to get that man back. I’ll be packing the last of my items and asking Anna to pick me up.” She places the phone into my hand, the heat from the charger slowly bringing sensation back into my shaking fingers. I begin to unlock my phone while the sound of her footsteps retreats into the hallway.
“Thank you,” I call out to her. She responds with a soft sound of contentment.
Even through the hardships we faced in our marriage, Elizabeth was still friendly and caring with me. I knew then that this failure I kept perceiving was nothing more than an amalgamation of self—pity. If we could still care for each other in this way and wish each other the best in our endeavors, nothing was lost.
“You need to fix this!” Vivian’s voice pours through the speakers of my phone after I finally get an answer from Alek’s phone. After the third attempt at calling, I was afraid he wanted nothing to do with me. I was hoping to talk to him directly but upon hearing the enraged tone from his sister, I can safely assume that Alek is upset.
“Ez,” Vivian begins. Her voice sounds flustered and wavering. “We know you’re a great guy but it’s fucked up that you didn’t tell Alek you were still married. Why do you Adlers think that you can do everything on your terms only?”
The phone sounds out a noise like it’s being dragged through gravel before I hear Emma’s voice take over the call.
“Sorry, Ezekiel. They’re a little drunk right now. We’ve been having a girl’s night.” The loud music recedes as I assume Emma steps into a place where she can better hear me.
“Look, Alek had the shock of his life this afternoon and he’s trying to process it all. With bad wine and bad singing.”
Just as Emma finishes her sentence, I hear Alek belting out the lyrics of some pop song I’ve heard on the radio recently.
“Emma, I never wanted to hurt him. I was only waiting for the right time to confess it all and show my commitment to him now that I finally set my affairs in order.”
“I know Ez but he is hurt. He just wishes that he could have known so he could support you better.”
My heart shatters hearing these words. After everything, Alek is more concerned about my well being rather than the fact that I had been keeping information from him. Ever the tender—hearted man, Alek keeps putting my emotions before his. Just as he does with his loved ones.
I want to be the one that puts him before anything else.
“Emma, I need to see him. I have to apologize and explain the situation before it tears him apart any longer.”
A sigh of frustration leaves her lips as she grumbles into the phone. As his best friend, I am sure it is difficult to see Alek in such a state. But I also know it must be difficult for her to put her trust in me.
“Fine. We are at mine and Viv’s place. I’ll text—” Emma stops, interrupted by a loud creaking noise and animated singing that must be coming from the next room.
I suddenly hear Alek’s and Viv’s voices through the phone, practically shouting the lyrics to a sad—sounding song. Something about a vampire bleeding someone dry.
“Jeez, what the hell?” Emma pauses and then starts shouting too.
“Get the hell off the coffee table! Y’all are too grown to be acting like this!” Without a further word to me, she hangs up the phone to deal with the situation at hand.
I am gathering my coat and keys when I see a text come in from Emma, containing her address.
If it was the last thing I did, I was going to fix this and I was going to make entirely sure Alek knows my feelings for him are unmistakably sincere.