Page 34 of Allured (Love and Burlesque #1)
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
ALEK
Confession on a Sunday.
“ Y ou should have punched him,” Vivian waves a piece of bacon in Ezekiel’s direction as we all sit around my dining table. I’m thankful my siblings didn’t have to see our father earlier this morning and I’m grateful Ez arranged for all of them to come to my place for our brunch.
“I am usually not one to resort to violence,” Ez replies as he carefully smooths butter onto a homemade biscuit. “But I will not lie and say I was not tempted in that moment.” After he finishes topping his biscuit with some honey, he places his free hand on my thigh and squeezes gently.
Thomas and Rhett sit across from us while Vivian sits at the head of the table to our right. Our boozy brunch plans had turned into a makeshift family therapy session. Though we didn’t share our blood family with Rhett, he was just as shaken up by the visit of a ghost of his past life. Believe it or not, Rhett’s old man is even more of a piece of shit than ours is.
“I am sorry that he found you because of me.” Vivian wipes her hand on a napkin before placing it on my forearm. “I didn’t realize all the shit I had left behind when I moved out for college.”
I pat her hand softly and brush my thumb over her black acrylic nails.
“You didn’t know he’d try using me to get to you.” The whole situation still hurts. I had thought that I made peace with my lack of relationship with my father but when I first saw him on my doorstep I felt like that little boy who shared grief with him after Mama passed. My father was never the same after my mother’s death and pretty soon, our mutual grieving turned into anger and distance on his part.
“I went no contact with them a few months ago,” Vivian admits and takes a deep breath before continuing. “Mom was guilting me into still having a relationship with her and it was working, but she had a major fit when I wouldn’t see some guy she was trying to set me up with. She called me every name she could fucking think of and said it was time to give up my ‘experimental’ phase and settle down instead.” Viv rolls her eyes as she recalls the conversation between them.
“Her constant invalidation of me was what fucking sealed the deal. I know you two haven’t talked to them since you moved out and I’m sorry it took me longer to realize how things were with them. I wish I was as strong as y’all.” She looks over at me and then towards Thomas and Rhett. “And I’m so sorry that I dragged y’all into this.”
“You didn’t drag any of us into this. Antonio shouldn’t have shown up to do Mom’s bidding like that.” Thomas tries to reassure Viv. Both Ez and I nod in agreement.
“Look, y’all are the only true family I’ve ever known,” Rhett speaks up, not sounding like his usual easy—going self. He’s right, we’ve treated him like a fourth Delgado sibling since we were neighbors and Rhett needed a safe place to escape to. “Just like all three of you kept tellin’ me— you deserve to have people in your life that love you ‘n accept you as you are. Y’all will get it sorted out and I’ll be here all of the way.”
I can see Thomas’ eyes soften as he listens to Rhett. A small smile forms on my brother’s face before he leans over to side—hug his best friend.
We continue eating our food and again, I’m thinking about how grateful I was to have Ez here. Seeing my dad… I realized that I didn’t really miss him. I didn’t miss the man he became after my Mama’s death. I was holding onto a memory of a man that didn’t exist anymore.
Continuing our meal, Viv and Thomas reassure me there’s no reason Antonio or Julie would have either of their addresses but they’d keep an eye out and keep me updated if anything happens. We know they wouldn’t be much of an actual threat but we also don’t want shit escalating. I know my siblings; they’re smart and capable of taking care of themselves but the big brother in me will always be worried.
After a lot of greasy bacon, buttery biscuits, and laughs together as a family, we are feeling a lot better than we did a few hours ago. My heart lights up with how comfortable and seamlessly integrated Ezekiel is with my family. He is my family now.
“Alek, would you like to come to my house on Saturday?” Ezekiel asks as we are in the middle of scrubbing pots and pans from today’s brunch.
I’ve never been to Ezekiel’s house before and I’m immediately excited at the idea. Curiosity takes over my thoughts as I imagine him spending his evenings with his face buried in a book. I wonder where his favorite reading spaces are in his house. That’s just a fraction of things I’m wondering about and I’m honestly jumping at the chance to say yes.
“I’d love to, angel.” I lean over to kiss his cheek and try my best to keep the soapy water in the pot that I’m holding over the counter.
I hear Ez let out a breath. I don’t know why he’d be nervous that I'd say no. I want to know everything about him.
“I would like to share everything and bare my all to you, Alek,” Ez begins. He throws the drying towel over his shoulder and leans his hip onto the counter so he faces me. From the corner of my eye, I can see some tension lines form on his face.
I’m aware I don’t know all of Ezekiel’s story yet, but discovering things about each other kind of comes with the territory of a new relationship. Just as Ez never rushed me to spill information to him, I would never do that to him either.
“You got some weird collections or something?” I ask, trying to add some levity and see that bright smile appear on my angel’s face once again. Taking the towel off Ezekiel’s shoulder, I dry the last pot and place it onto the drying rack before twisting to face him fully.
“Well, that would depend on your definition of weird,” he adds, the corner of his lip turning upward in a smirk.
“You know what?” I ask, crossing my arms across my chest and lifting my hand to tap my finger against my chin in thought. “Don’t tell me. I wanna see your freaky shit in person.” I wag my finger at his face and he playfully slaps it away.
“Alek…” Ezekiel begins, the serious mood in his tone reappears. His eyes are wide and sincere as he stares back at me. “I want to assure you that whatever you may discover this weekend, it does not change my love for you.”
While my mind focuses on why he would say that, my heart focuses on his confession. A love confession that was thrown out so casually like it’s something he thought I already knew.
“Wait, your love for me? You love me?” I ask, my eyes darting around his face and searching his expression while I wait for an answer.
“Alek, I believe I have loved you since the day I met you. I cannot explain it but it is like a part of me has always known,” Ezekiel replies. His voice and face are so kind and soft while his determined tone implies that his confession is unwavering.
I’m frozen. My hands are stuck, still crossed at my chest as I stand in front of Ez and gaze down into his eyes. For as long as I am quiet, Ezekiel’s face doesn’t change or question why I haven’t said it back.
Honestly, I don’t have the slightest fucking clue what it feels like to be in love. I know the way I feel for Ezekiel is different from anything I’ve ever experienced before. I know that I am, and will keep trusting him with my heart. But how the fuck am I supposed to say, without any doubt, that I am in love with someone when I don’t think I’ve ever felt anything but face—level satisfaction from a previous partner?
“Aleksander, I didn’t mean to make you panic.” Ezekiel’s voice is closer now. I look down and see his hand placed across my forearms. “I am not offended if you do not feel the same or say the words right now. In all honesty, I wouldn’t expect you to when I have not given the same courtesy of exposing my life to you. All I am saying is that I am ready and I am fully committed to you.”
“I don’t want you to think that I don’t feel a similar way, Ez.” Uncrossing my arms, I take the opportunity of him being so close to rest my hands at the base of his neck and I feel his heartbeat. Nice and calm. Not a single ounce of panic or worry within him even when he just confessed his heart to me.
Ezekiel smiles softly and moves his hands to my waist, pulling me in closer to him.
“I didn’t say that I love you so that I could hear it back, especially if you need the time to process the feelings that you are experiencing.” Ezekiel rubs slow, relaxing circles into my stomach. “Baby, I’ve waited my entire life for you, keeping patient for as long as you need will not break me. It was only recently that I have truly understood my circle of control and that includes not being in charge of how anyone else might be feeling.”
With his kindness and understanding, I already feel like those three words will be easy to confess. Soon.