Page 131 of Agency

“What?” I almost took a step back from him.

“You heard me.”

“What about the ‘right way?’” Wiping a hand down my cheek to try and dry the damp, salty trails, I now did take a step back. I looked up at him. “Isn’t that what you said before? No revenge trips?”

“I did,” Jericho said with a nod. “But we’ve seen his file. This isn’t revenge. This is a preemptive strike to a clear and present danger.”

“He’s practically untouchable,” Morgan said. “Besides, by covering up that you’re working for him, we’re going to destroy all the evidence against him for any kind of legal action. He’ll maintain his contacts, and he’ll simply be able to slink back into the shadows.”

“Only way this goes down,” Andrew said, “is by making sure he goes down.”

“He wouldn’t hesitate to do it to us,” Jericho added. “Or to you.”

I… I didn’t know what to say. I should have felt relief. Relief at the fact that we were all of the same mind in this thing, or at least approaching that alignment.

But, somehow, I didn’t. Instead, I began to shake my head.

“What’s wrong?” Andrew asked, hands still on me.

“This. All of this. I don’t want to be a killer. Not anymore. And I don’t want any of you to go down that road, either. You… You’re… I already tried to leave. That’s what started this, remember?”

“We’ve killed,” Morgan said.

“Not like this,” I hissed. “Your kills were on the battlefield, Morgan. Sanctioned. Approved. All of yours were. This is different. This is the kind of weight I need to carry. You always had orders, and I always had orders, or at least a contract. Sure, if he has a weapon, shoot to kill. ROE dictates that. But do you really want to be judge, jury, lawyers, and executioners? For me? For anyone? It’s one thing to be following orders, guys. But this isn’t following orders, or even fulfilling a contract. This is the four of us making a choice. This is us having agency, and having to deal with that.”

They were all quiet for a moment, and I took the opportunity to separate myself from their confusing embrace. I needed to think about this rationally, without their hands all over me and their comfortable warmth surrounding me on all sides. People did crazy things in situations like that, and made even crazier choices. Arms crossed, I walked a short distance away from them, but not back towards the Escalade or the cabin.

I needed to feel the cool wind through my bones. Needed to feel the cold reality of the world I was living in. Needed to hear the whispers of the leaves and stretching tree branches as I stood at this, my own crossroads.

“We’ll do it if we have to,” Andrew said to my back, his voice even more quiet than before. “What other choice do we have, Ambyr? This guy’s a spook! Management works on the edges, like Morgan said. And as long as he still has his contacts in that rolodex of a brain, he’s going to have a way to avoid punishment so he can rebuild and come after you again.”

Andrew was right, just like Morgan had been right–all three of them were. Of course they were. I’d been arguing the same thing to myself since back in North Dakota, when Aunt Val had given me my final mission.

But, what was the best way to cleanse the shadows from a room? What did you need to do to make sure a spooky ghost couldn’t scare you from the liminal edges, where darkness and light met?

“What if we didn’t have to kill him?” I asked, my back still to them. “What if we could just disarm him?”

“Then we wouldn’t kill him,” Jericho said, voice flat. “Killing is just the ‘right way’ because… Well…” There was a note of dejection to his voice on the last part. Options were slim. Better options even slimmer.

And a lack of options is never a good thing. Especially for an operative.

I turned around and faced my three lovers. Arms still crossed, I looked to each man in turn and began to realize they all felt the same way as their boss.

This was it. Execution was their plan, because that was their plan. But, now Plan B was about to be on the table, and they wanted to hear what was for dinner.

“I have an idea. And it might sound crazy, but I think it might work.” I switched my gaze to Jericho. “Back in Missouri, I know you said this wasn’t a democracy and that you had the final choice, and I needed to abide by that. And, it’s clear you’ve already made that choice. But, I want you to hear me out.”

Two of my lovers looked to the third, their boss. Our boss.

Finally, Jericho nodded. “I’ll hear you out,” he said. “And we’ll even put it to a vote, if that’s what you want.”

“Think we can go and talk about this plan of yours inside, though” Morgan asked as he rubbed his bare arms. “Because it’s getting cold as shit out here, and I didn’t grab my coat before this heart-to-heart.”

“Sure,” I said. “Inside sounds good.”

Chapter Thirty-Six

Jericho