Page 60 of Afternoon Delight
Zak
“Is there any chance you can hang out with Dad for a few hours on Wednesday?” I asked Zara when we were having dinner at her place on Sunday night. “Meg is coming in late Tuesday. She was hoping we could have lunch Wednesday.”
Meg wanted to talk, and I was kind of nervous about it. The phone sex was great, we texted all the time, but long distance wasn’t ideal. I kept thinking she ought to expect more from me. To get more.
“I’ll see what I can figure out.” Zara glanced out at the empty driveway.
Kyle was picking up Jade from a playdate. Lance was in the living room, flipping through old hot rod magazines with Dad. Ollie was doing his best to take me down, tackling my leg. One day he would. For now, I could still pick him up and dangle him by his ankles, which he seemed to love.
“I know—” Zara paused in setting the table. She sent a miserable look toward the living room, then back to me. “I know you really miss her. I know I should say you should go to Toronto.”
“We’re not having this conversation again. I’m here.”
“I know. But I feel like one of us should be happy.” She brushed the back of her wrist beneath her eye.
“ What’s going on with you two?” It was killing me.
“Nothing. But everything.” She waved her hand in frustration. “We’re seeing a counselor. And we’re being audited. It’s routine, but it’s a nightmare. And—” She lowered her voice so she mostly mouthed, “I’m pregnant.”
“ What ?”
“That was Kyle’s reaction too.” She clattered the rest of the cutlery into place.
“I’m sorry. That’s... a surprise. I didn’t think you guys were trying.”
“We’re not. We were definitely trying not .” She blinked fast to hold back her tears. “He kept promising me he’d get a vasectomy.”
There were too many words in my mouth to find any good ones. All I could think was that Zara was the one who was leaving. Not really. Not on purpose. But how the hell would she manage another baby on top of everything else she was juggling?
“I really need you here, Zak,” she said with a sniff.
“I know. You don’t have to keep saying it.” Meg was coming to town, and I couldn’t wait to see her, but she was starting to feel farther away than ever. I ached with missing her and lived for our texts and chats, but it wasn’t enough. I wanted more.
I was starting to see I couldn’t have more, though. There was no room for her in my life.
“I like Meg. I really do. But she makes me feel so freaking threatened.” Zara took the roast out of the oven. “Just knowing she’s coming back makes me happy for you. You’ve barely smiled since she’s been gone, but I’m also terrified she’ll talk you into leaving with her.”
“She won’t.” That’s why I loved her. She understood what I was up against. And yes, I had fantasies of running away with Meg every damned day, usually to a hotel room where we did dirty things to each other. I knew where I needed to be. I’d accepted it. And being here wasn’t just about Dad.
“Zara, listen to me. Remember that time I came home for spring break and you said I needed to start looking after myself because I looked like death and you were worried about me?”
“Hey,” she said with a frown of hurt.
“You look fine,” I amended, even though she had dark circles under her eyes and her hair could use a wash.
“But you sound like I sounded then.” Completely overwhelmed.
“Quit worrying about me and Dad, okay? I’m here.
I’m doing it. And I’m going to ask Meg what she can do to help you with the audit.
Don’t argue.” I lowered Ollie to the floor and pinned him with my socked foot.
“You need a breather. See a doctor and make sure there’s nothing else going on, because I need you here.
We all do. So start looking after yourself. Okay? Promise?”
Her mouth trembled. She looked like she wanted to push back, then she flickered her gaze out the window.
“There’s Kyle with Jade. She’ll be hungry. I’ll get Dad to the table.”
I took Ollie to wash his hands, but my heart twisted with guilt that I’d asked Zara for Wednesday when she was so close to snapping.
I didn’t want to cancel on Meg, but I had to.