Page 13

13

LENNY

Dinner was already chaos.

Eloise rushed to get everything finished in the kitchen while my brother entertained my parents. His eyes lit up when he saw me walk through the door, a new distraction for them to focus on. He frowned when he saw Stone following behind me.

Before I could introduce him, he brushed by me and held out a hand to my brother.

“Winston Beck,” he said, shaking my brother’s hand firmly.

I caught the confused look on my father’s face and the raised brow from my mother.

It was going to be a long night.

“You didn’t tell us you were bringing your…” my mother started. “Boyfriend?”

“He’s not my boyfriend,” I said quickly. “He’s my-“

“Partner,” Stone said, rescuing me.

“Same thing,” my mother said, waving a hand at him and dismissing the comment. “Come in, come in. Calvin, stop making them just stand there,” she scolded, and my brother hurried off to the kitchen, passing her attention to me.

“Winston, these are my parents, Zuri and Joseph.”

Before he could move, my mother hurried toward me. I saw her glance over my outfit as she closed in for a hug. “You look smaller than the last I saw you,” she said. “Overworking yourself again?”

“No,” I muttered.

Already, I could feel her eyes raking me over, looking for every little flaw she could find. It was never enough for her. My mother demanded perfection, and I had yet to achieve that for her.

I felt Stone move closer, almost protectively.

Taking the protection thing a bit far?

The Coastal Killer, sure. Fine. I knew I needed his help with that. But my mother was a whole different issue, one I was well equipped to handle on my own.

“And your curls are falling flat,” she said, brushing a hand over my hair.

“I don’t have the same curls as you,” I reminded her.Hers were tighter, more coiled compared to my own.

“If you just used the right product-”

“Stone, this is my father,” I said, brushing past my mother and cutting her off. I sat Winston beside my father on Calvin’s short couch in his living room. Before my mother could fawn over me anymore, I found my way to the kitchen to check on Eloise and find beverages.

“Sorry we didn’t make it to visit yesterday,” Eloise said the moment she saw me. “I wasn’t feeling great after brunch.”

“That’s alright,” I answered, having already forgot my call with my mother.

“Here,” Calvin said as he handed me two beers.I caught the look on his face. The you need this more than us look.

“Thanks,” I said and made my way back, afraid to leave Winston with my parents alone.

“Only five more minutes, I promise,” Eloise called frantically after me.

I found Winston and my dad laughing together while my mom watched patiently from an armchair. My father had Winston deep in stories of when he was in the military, ones I heard a million times growing up.

I held out the beer to Winston.

“I’m all set,” he said politely.

“Are you sure?” I asked, raising a brow.

“I actually don’t drink,” he said, his voice trailing off a bit.

“Oh,” I said. “I didn’t know.”

My face warmed, and I took a nervous step back.

“I’ll take it,” my father offered as he grabbed the bottle from me quickly.

I’d been living with him for days. How had I not realized?

There was a bottle of scotch sitting right on his counter, but now that I thought about it, the bottle had definitely never been opened. The amber liquid filled the bottle to the brim.

It was probably one of Nelson’s bottles, and I’d just assumed it belonged to Stone. I winced quietly, taking a seat in another armchair across from the couch.

“How did you two meet?” my mother asked, unable to contain her nosiness.

“Work,” I said shortly.I didn’t need to go down this path with them. If they knew what we were researching together, my mother would have a fit, and my father would take her side. It was the same as every argument I’d ever had with them.

“You work at the museum?” my mother pushed.

“No,” I answered before Stone could.I cast him a quick glare to let him know I had this handled. His eyes looked pleading back, like he couldn’t help himself from wanting to jump in, to protect me.

Seriously, Len, you’re imagining it.

The longer I stayed with him, the more I thought the little touches and comments were becoming personal. I kept telling myself it was in my head. I was there for my safety, that was it. I’d help him solve the cold case and move on. He had to return to Virginia when the case was finished. There was no chance he thought of me beyond just another resource.

“Stone is here for research,” I started. “I’m helping him.”

His head turned back to me at the sound of his name. He tilted it, and I could feel his gaze pouring into me.

Shit, I needed dinner to be right now.

The way his eyes pushed through every wall I put up, I couldn’t stand it much longer before I-

“Dinner!” Eloise called out, saving me.

I stood fast and hurried to the dining room. The others trailed behind me, and we all found seats around the table, Stone sitting beside me.

Dinner wasn’t as painful as I expected. My father had both Stone and my brother chuckling through most of it, my mother keeping any comments to herself. I even made an effort to catch up with her, asking about work and her recent trips.It’d been awhile since I’d visited home.

I felt Stone glancing in my direction a few times, but I tried hard not to glance up. Instead, I focused on eating the delicious pasta Eloise had worked so hard on.

“Dinner is fantastic, Eloise,” Stone said.

I watched a smile grow, pride beaming from her, my brother’s eyes falling on his wife with adoration. In the entire time they’d been together, there was never a second I doubted they were meant to be. They were one of those couples you just knew would get married.

Something I would never have.

I strived to find what they had. I thought I found it with Jake, but the more controlling he became, the faster I realized it was far different. Manipulation wasn’t love.

“You alright?” Stone breathed the question so quiet, I barely caught it.

I nodded.

“Where’d you go?” he asked.

“Somewhere I never want to be again,” I whispered back.

We finished through dinner with barely any leftovers to spare. No one was surprised; Eloise was a fantastic cook. If she hadn’t found success in marketing, I was convinced she would’ve been a chef. Maybe in another life.

The polite and typical chatter continued, and I tried to join in where I could. It was hard when my mind kept wandering. Three years, I had distanced myself; did I really even know them anymore? It felt almost wrong to laugh at their new stories or pretend like I’d known what they had been dong the past few years.

I avoided seeing them in person as much as I could. I didn’t want them to see how broken their daughter was. Calvin could spot a mile away how burnt out I was getting.

“Should we have dessert?” Eloise asked.

“I am so full, I don’t know if I have the appetite,” my dad chuckled.

“I think we should have dessert,” Calvin pushed, and I heard the nerves there.

Strange.

I felt Stone shift beside me, and I knew he picked up on it too. My parents were oblivious to the change in the room. My brother hurried off behind his wife, helping her grab whatever they had planned.

“We will be coming back again for the clambake at the end of the month!” my mother exclaimed, cutting the tension.

“Will you still be here?” my dad asked Stone.

He looked shocked for only a moment before training his face back to its usual thoughtful disposition.“There is a good chance I will be,” he admitted.

Part of me filled with relief.

Stop it.

I couldn’t think like that. It had been only two weeks, and already, I was letting my judgement be clouded by Stone’s protection. It had become a comfort. A comfort, nothing more.

You can’t become reliant on him. He will leave. Everyone always leaves.

Jake left. My brother left when he had Eloise to take care of. Never once did I blame him for that, but I knew I’d far outstayed my welcome. My parents left. They never once noticed the signs, the desperate pleas for help at what my life had become.

My brother and his wife returned to the room carrying a cake. They walked side by side, Eloise with a large smile growing the closer she got.

My mom continued to go on about the logistics for the clambake; where they’d stay, all of us going together. I lost track of the noise as they got closer. My anxiety started to sink in.

I couldn’t place it.

There was no occasion to celebrate. Perhaps being together for the first time in a while was a celebration, but I knew my brother well enough to know he wouldn’t buy a cake for just that.

He placed the cake on the table, and I caught sight of writing on the top.

I had to lean forward in my seat to read it fully, my heart stopping as I gazed over the words. Those four small words should mean the world, four words that would change everything for the better.

Why did I feel so much sadness creeping in?

Stone finished reading the message at the same time as I did.

“Congratulations,” he said with a sincere smile.

I tried to force the word out of my mouth, but it fell short.

My parents were still caught up in the details of their next visit and barely took notice of the cake. Calvin and Eloise stared nervously at them, waiting for them to see it. A few seconds passed before Calvin cleared his throat awkwardly.

My mother stopped mid-sentence and glanced to them. They still stood together at the head of the table, watching us all. Her eyes fell to the cake and lit up with delight as she finally saw the four words.

Baby Calder Coming Soon.

I read them again as she did and felt that sinking pit inside of me grow. I should be happy, over the moon for them, but instead, all I felt was emptiness, a growing darkness threatening to consume me.

Stone gave me a worried glance, but I ignored it.

I should’ve known he’d see even the slightest change. He missed nothing. It was so annoyingly charming and inconvenient at the same time.

“This is wonderful news,” my mother said, practically jumping from her seat.

“Congratulations,” my father chimed in and stood to shake my brother’s hand.

They’d be the perfect grandparents. I’d always known it. It pained my heart deeply that I could never be the one to give that to them, not after everything that happened.

I stood along with them and gave Eloise and Calvin quick hugs, feeling myself turn more and more numb to my surroundings. Sound was becoming a fuzzy haze, and my heartbeat started pounding louder in my ears.

Stone placed a gentle hand on my shoulder.“Are you okay?” he whispered, leaning in close enough for only us to hear.

“I just need to use the bathroom-” The words barely made it out before I started moving. “Excuse me,” I added politely before leaving the room.

My parents and brother barely noticed, all caught in conversation about the newest member of the family.

I could barely breathe, my chest feeling tighter. I needed air. Any air.

The view of the front door was obscured from the dining room, and I headed straight for it instead of down the hall to the bathroom. I slipped outside, barely making a sound with the door. The cool summer night breeze hit me, and I finally was able to gasp in a breath.

My hand grasped at my chest and found my necklace. The tiny chain and charm brought me some comfort as I felt my heart pounding. I hadn’t worn it in three years. It sat in my jewelry box, usually untouched, the memory too painful to tote around. But tonight had been different; I’d reached for it without hesitation.

My gut had known all along.

It shouldn’t have been like this.

Three years. I should be over it.

“Lenny,” Stone said, pulling me from my spiral in one jarring sweep.

The name stung my heart. I could hear the sincerity in his voice.

His steps closed in behind me, and I swallowed hard. My hand was still clenched around the charm of the necklace, my knees shaking, ready to buckle.

Stone caught me before they did. His arms wrapping tightly around me, and I was tempted to just sink into them. I kept my focus on the tattoos wrapping up one, trying to disappear from the world, and let every bit of darkness consume me once and for all. It’d all been shoved down deep inside, somewhere I never thought I’d have to face it.

Complete denial.

“What’s wrong?” Stone asked, and I could hear the way not knowing drove him mad.

He always had it figured out. The two weeks I’d known him, I’d never once seen him rattled in the face of any problem.

“It’s nothing,” I managed.

My voice was hoarse and my throat stung, forcing the words out.

Stone spun me to face him, to get a look at my face and read over my expressions. There was no use in hiding. They were written all over my face, and there was nothing I could do about it.

“You’re upset,” he observed matter of fact.

Hearing it out loud hurt even more. What was wrong with me?

My brother was having a baby. I should be overjoyed. Every part of me wanted to be back inside, celebrating with them, making a toast to Eloise and obsessing over all the little details. But instead, I was outside, barely able to stand and feeling like my dinner might come right back up.

What the fuck was wrong with me?

My body was shaking, and I tried to cling tighter to the necklace as a source of stability.

Stone’s hand cupped my cheek, still reading my every move and expression. I flinched at his touch, and he pulled away quickly.

Shit.

I had to push him away too. It was the easiest thing. Anytime someone got too close, I pushed them right back out. I couldn’t have anyone knowing the full truth. They’d hate me.

Tears welled in my eyes, and I had to hold them back.

“Len,” Stone said gently.

I watched his eyes trail down to the necklace I clung to and watched in horror as I knew he was putting each of the pieces together.I hadn’t missed the way he glanced jealously at the initial on the chain earlier in the day, but now, I could see him unraveling the mistaken assumption he made.

“You can’t tell them,” I pleaded.

He stared blankly at me.

“Please, Stone,” I begged.

“Support systems are important,” he started.

“I don’t need facts and analysis right now,” I snapped.I hadn’t meant to come out so harshly, but I watched him take each word like a bullet to the chest. I paused, barely able to catch my breath.

“Deep breath,” he reminded me gently.

I tried to inhale deeply and let it out in one slow motion.

“What do you need, Len?”

And in that moment, I was certain he would’ve given me anything I wanted.

“I just need to go home,” I sighed, already shoving every emotion I felt back into the box I kept them locked in.

He nodded and headed for the door to go back inside. I worried for a moment that he completely misunderstood what I was saying. My feet refused to move, and I waited while a few minutes passed.

Stone reappeared, carrying my purse I left inside. “I let them know your stomach wasn’t feeling so well, and that I would be taking you home to rest.”

I was still shaking. All I could manage was a curt nod. Stone wrapped an arm around me and led me back to the car.

The warmth of his body radiated with me tucked into his side. I imagined how comforting it would be to get used to it, a thought I barely allowed myself to even consider.

If he knew the truth, he would never touch me.

He’d stare at me with that same look I saw the day I told Jake.

All he’d done was protect me, stand up for me. It wasn’t fair to make the assumption. I knew that; I knew it wasn’t rational. Yet, every time I found myself wanting to give in, to see if I wasn’t imagining every small touch or glance he gave, I found myself right back in that moment and remembered the pain. It wasn’t a chance I was willing to take.

If Winston Beck broke my heart, I’d never recover.