Page 52 of Across the Star-Kissed Sea (Proper Romance Regency #1)

Elias

W aves crashed against the hull, sending bubbles and droplets trailing behind as the Marianne headed north with the Saint-Germain in tow.

The French privateer’s masts were in no state to make the journey to Malta and would need repairs at Lissa before Lieutenant Roddam took the prize ship and the prisoners to collect our earnings.

Saint-Germain and her comrades had been carrying cannons from Corfu to Italy for the French navy.

A fortunate victory for England and its allies.

We’d celebrate with the crews of the other ships when we met them back in port.

I leaned against the rail on the forecastle, trying to sort through my emotions.

We’d all had a very late night cleaning up the battle as best we could in the dark.

There had been no time to talk to May, and she’d slept in the great cabin because Captain Peyton had decided to quarter Captain Bernard in the cabin May used to occupy.

I’d heard Captain Bernard muttering late into the night.

Then this morning, I’d overseen the burial of eight of our brave seamen. There had been no time for discussions with May of the future, much less enthusiasm to talk about life when so many of our crewmates’ lives had been cut short.

The upper deck had quieted after the funeral services.

The crew dispersed to various duties about the ship.

étienne and the French captain walked the quarterdeck in low conversation.

May, dressed in one of Mrs. Peyton’s gowns from a trunk the captain’s wife had hidden in one of the storage lockers, had gone below as soon as I had ended the services.

I swallowed. Had she reconsidered what she seemed to have been hinting at last night, a reconciliation and future for us?

Or perhaps I’d misinterpreted. Was she avoiding the conversation?

I didn’t know whether to seek her out or let her come to me. Could she be thinking the same?

Soft footsteps on the deck behind me made my heart leap. I dared not turn around, lest my enthusiasm startle some poor seaman I’d potentially mistaken for May. Relief shooed my worries away when she appeared out of the corner of my eye and rested her hands on the rail.

“That was quite a long ‘later,’” she said.

“We have duty to thank for that.”

She nodded. “You performed yours well.”

Well, I didn’t know if I could agree, though knowing she was near had bolstered my courage. I traced the horizon with my gaze until I picked out the dark smudge of land that indicated we’d reach Lissa in a few hours. “We all try.”

“That is one thing I admire about you, Elias. You try, even when it’s difficult. You put duty and compassion before your own needs or wants.” Her shoulder touched mine briefly.

I wrung my hands. “Yes, but it isn’t—”

She held up a hand. “Take the praise, Elias. It was sincere.”

I nodded, unconvinced, though her words warmed me.

She gripped the rail, examining the too-short sleeves of her borrowed round gown.

The hem was too short as well, at least for a day dress.

She looked lovely, even if she wouldn’t believe me if I told her.

The way the wind played with her hair, tugging strands from its simple knot, mesmerized me more than it should.

“I believe we left off at ‘I’m sorry for being a monster,’” she said. “Or something similar.”

“I thought we left at ...” I didn’t dare speak it aloud.

She said she loved you. Why so little faith? Rarely did the voice in my head say something so positive. I’d had faith with all the other women who’d broken me. I’d gone so far as to propose to them. Why would this work for me now?

She licked her lips, drawing my gaze. I hadn’t kissed her since that night watching the glowing waves. If things did not go well in this conversation, the memory of her warm lips on mine in the chill darkness would haunt me more than any kiss ever had.

“You are right. We left at ...” She swallowed. “I love you.”

A shiver ran over my spine to hear those words spoken so plainly and truthfully from the woman I adored. The walls she’d thrown up to keep me out on the day she’d quit the ship were gone.

“And I mean it with all that I am,” she said quickly, searching my face.

“Which I realize is not very much, especially after the fool I’ve been.

My stupidity and irrationality have been painfully clear the last few weeks, and if I am to be perfectly honest, I do not know why you would forgive me.

” Her voice rose in pitch and speed the longer she spoke.

“But I hope you will forgive me. I desperately hope you will forgive me.” She hesitated and took a deep breath.

“Now I am all lost and making a greater fool of myself.”

I so rarely saw her flustered like this. If we weren’t on the forecastle with a working crew constantly walking past us, it would be very difficult not to kiss her now. “We are reversing positions,” I teased. “I am the one who makes a fool of himself when he speaks.”

“Ha!” She shook her head. “I make a fool of myself far too often. I just don’t usually realize it in the moment, as you do. I realize it weeks later when my heart is still sore from missing you and the regret for the things I said still chokes me.”

A very small part of me wanted to take care. How did I know she wouldn’t hurt me again? I couldn’t recover from being turned away from her twice. At least not well.

She will hurt you again, you dunce.

Ah, the disparaging voice was back.

That’s what happens when you love someone. The important thing is being willing to make amends. To learn from mistakes, make things right, and grow together.

Yes. That was it. Finding the right woman to love did not mean we’d never have trials between us. A person did not stay the same throughout his life. Love simply meant we’d see it through.

“I know it isn’t an easy thing to ask,” she said in the silence of my contemplation. “Heaven knows I am terrible at forgiveness and have no business asking for what, until now, I’ve struggled to give. I will do what it takes to make things right for you.”

She looked up at me with wide, blue eyes. She awaited her fate—our fate—with no pleading. Her calm sincerity made it easy to believe she would accept whatever I said.

I took her hand. Little scratches covered it from the previous night’s battle.

She was proud of me. She loved me. And she was willing to do what she needed to for the ones she loved.

Even if that meant stepping away forever.

I’d never had the courage to willingly part with someone I loved as much as I loved her.

I did have courage in one thing, however.

Today I had the courage to put aside my fears.

I brought her fingers to my lips. I’d done it a few times on our voyage, but somehow, her skin against mine felt different this time. Rather than the jolt of lightning it had once given me, a deep-burning fire undulated through my veins. “Of course I forgive you, May.”

She blinked as though not expecting that answer. “You do?”

I nodded.

“After how badly I hurt you by pushing you away, you would forgive me as easy as that?”

I caught a lock of her hair the wind had pulled out and smoothed it behind her ear. Together again. No strain between us. “What is love if not forgiveness?” Hadn’t the greatest love known on earth come coupled with forgiveness all those centuries ago?

She gave a little smile, then leaned against me and laid her head on my shoulder. “I certainly don’t deserve you, you know.”

I snorted, wrapping an arm around her and holding her tightly. “We might have to disagree on that.”

She mumbled something unintelligible as I rested my head on hers. I’d joined Captain Peyton to get away from love and courtship, with all their disappointments. How could I have guessed it would fall into my arms, awkward and imperfect, but somehow everything I needed?

May

The stocky Frenchman strolled up the path ahead of us, whistling a merry little tune and taking in the surrounding trees as though completely alone.

I’d never experienced the bothers of having a chaperone before this voyage.

I liked étienne very much, but I wished we’d come on this walk just Elias and me.

I tugged at Elias’s arm. “It’s a treat to have Great-Aunt étienne with us again,” I said softly, hoping the surgeon wouldn’t overhear.

Elias sighed. “I know several people who’d give anything to have him as their chaperone.” He adjusted his cravat for the tenth time since we’d left the house.

He had a point. When we’d gone to the Roman ruins, étienne had practically pushed us together.

We’d almost had time to take advantage. “Do we really need a chaperone?” I was hardly a young lady of Society in need of a protected reputation, and it would take quite a lot for a gentleman’s good name to be tarnished.

Especially when he kept company with men of the navy, who were notorious for too much pleasure-seeking and rarely received any censure.

And it wasn’t as though the whole ship didn’t know about our kiss.

Elias blushed. “I only wish to do things the right way.” He straightened the front of his coat.

“You needn’t be so proper all the time, Elias.” It had been a week since we’d arrived back in Lissa, and we’d scarcely had a moment alone. I wondered if he’d planned it that way. It was driving me to madness.

“I promised Mrs. Peyton I would be a perfect gentleman.”

I shook my head. As though he needed to make that promise. “When have you not been a perfect gentleman?”

“Perhaps when I tried to turn you away when you first boarded?” The uncertainty in his tone hinted that he still chided himself for that.