Page 37 of Across the Star-Kissed Sea (Proper Romance Regency #1)

May

I stood near the bow, ducking out of the way of seamen at their work in an effort to get a good look at the town materializing before us.

Red-tiled roofs covered the coastline, which was flanked by tree-dotted hills.

Little fishing boats bobbed everywhere in the harbor and a few ships, their proud Union Jacks rippling in the balmy breeze, anchored among them.

It was nothing like the enormity and overcrowding of Old Pompey, yet the cheerful scene of the working citizens of Vis gave the town a feeling of home.

Off starboard, the gray walls of a growing fort adorned one end of the bay, with people as small as ants churning around it.

Flecks of red indicated British soldiers seeing to the task.

A reminder that even this secluded island dedicated to its fishing and vineyards was not exempt from Napoleon’s war.

Elias had mentioned last night that the town had already seen battle earlier this year, when the Royal Navy had gained control of it from the French.

I glanced behind me with the hope that Elias might have finished helping Captain Peyton with clerical work and come above, but the upper deck was a wall of the checked shirts and bare torsos of seamen.

A ridiculous amount of disappointment hit me, and I quickly turned back to the little port town drawing nearer.

I spent hours with him every day. How did catching sight of him still make my insides flutter like a loose sail?

It was as if my whole being hoped on each meeting that this might be the time he’d finally kiss me again.

A few days had passed since our stolen moment on the quarterdeck.

I leaned into the rail like we’d done that night and bit my lips between my teeth to keep from grinning like a ninny.

Ships, especially little frigates such as HMS Marianne , weren’t known for their privacy.

We’d had the cover of dark and a drowsy crew while watching the dinoflagellates, but somehow I didn’t think Elias would risk my reputation by kissing me in a public place again. I couldn’t help growing impatient.

“May, May, devil to pay.”

I straightened as my brother drew up next to me, trying to cover any emotions that might have crept onto my face.

Over the last week, I’d avoided him as best I could in hopes he would not bring up Elias.

Most of the time, he hardly acknowledged my presence.

He was probably angry that I’d refused to let him share my cabin in the gun room, but as I much as I was trying to be understanding and generous, I had my limits.

“Shouldn’t you be repairing something?” I asked.

Lewis shrugged. “Ship’s right as rain. Not a splinter out of place.”

I refrained from plucking out the splinter on the rail near my elbow and sticking him with it. “It will be nice to make land.” Not that it had been very long since we’d sailed from Malta, but the whole crew seemed to enjoy a break from the long weeks at sea we’d had at the beginning of our journey.

“I’ve heard some rumors about you.” Lewis picked at something between his teeth.

I sighed. From the mates? Mrs. Hallyburton? She’d been giving me strange looks the last month or so, especially when she’d seen me in company with the esteemed Mr. Doswell. I’d decided he was the only reason she hadn’t confronted me about whatever was on her mind. “No one likes rumors.”

“On that you are wrong,” he said. “We sailors love them. Every glimmer of shiny information.” He raised a brow. “And the information I’ve caught spreading about you is rather shiny.”

Gracious. He’d heard. I inhaled slowly, attempting to calm a surge of indignation that countered the acceptance I had tried to embrace the last weeks.

“A clergyman, May? You must be joking.”

Heaven help me. I ground my teeth to keep from reacting. “You mean your friends must be joking. I’ve told you nothing about a clergyman.”

He smirked. “You weren’t going to tell your own brother about beslobbering the chaplain?”

“Lewis!” I scanned the deck, face flaming.

Why had I agreed to help him get a place on this ship?

I’d been wrong when I’d thought Lewis and Frank were cut from the same cloth.

Frank had at least been friendly and pretended to be charming once in a while.

Lewis took his teasing extremely past the limits.

He inclined his head in my direction. “And here I thought all your fraternizing with Doswell was a renewed self-righteousness and piety. Helping the miserable ship’s orphans learn their letters and such.”

I leaned away from him, folding my arms. “The people with whom I interact are none of your concern.” Who did he think he was, Mrs. Hallyburton?

“As your nearest male relation this side of the law, I think it very much concerns me.” He grinned, showing off a wooden tooth I hadn’t noticed before.

Which side of the law he was on was subject to debate.

“And now, as practically your guardian, I hear that your study of the Good Book has some rather carnal motives.”

“How dare you.” Molten rage bubbled inside me, though I tried to quell it. He hadn’t spared me a charitable thought in years, and now he felt it his right to advise me. Control me. “Elias is a better man than you can ever hope to be. He has been a perfect gentleman in word and deed.”

Lewis lazily swatted his hair, which was long enough to fall into his eyes. “A regular donkey in the royal mews you are, daughter of a New Holland convict.”

It was fortunate Mr. Hallyburton kept his cat o’ nine tails properly stowed. My fingers itched to give it a try. “Remind me to never risk my livelihood standing up for your sorry hide again.”

“Byams stick together, May, May, the devil to pay,” Lewis drawled, thickening his Portsmouth accent. Why could I not resist it? I tried to cling to my fury at him, but that familiar sound loosened my grip. “You can’t resist duty to family.”

I sincerely wished to just now. I turned my back to him, ready to flee. Sitting below with Elias would be much more enjoyable than watching the harbor with my brother.

“It’s been a hard six years, hasn’t it?” Lewis said softly.

I paused. His jeering tone had vanished. “How would you know if it’s been difficult or not for me?” I asked. “You’ve been at sea.”

“That doesn’t mean I didn’t feel the effects of his conviction.” He blew out heavily. “I didn’t even get to say goodbye to him.”

Didn’t get to say goodbye. I hadn’t thought of that.

I faced Lewis, keeping a little distance between us.

Mama and I had dealt with the pain of having Papa ripped from our home.

Of watching them drag him onto a ship, never to return.

But Lewis had never had the chance for a final memory, good or bad.

The next time he’d returned to port, Papa had been gone, the house had been gone, everything about our former life had been gone.

“I didn’t want to face it,” he said, resting his chin on his hand and partially covering his mouth, almost as though he were embarrassed by the words coming from it. “I didn’t want to see Mother broken or you working.”

“Then, why didn’t you send money?” I asked. We might have all pulled ourselves to our feet if Lewis had helped us. Instead, we’d been forced to seek work in a world with few jobs for women and fewer for women tainted by having a criminal husband and father.

He didn’t look at me. “The burden was too much. I tried to escape it in any way I could. Put it out of my head.”

That usually meant drinking and smoking and women. I bit the inside of my cheek. Why did my heart hurt for him even as he was admitting to squandering money that could have supported our mother, now practically a widow?

“Soon, there wasn’t anything to send back. And I had to keep burying myself in ...” He waved a hand as though expecting me to understand. “If I didn’t have a distraction, the guilt and frustration would return. It came to a point that I couldn’t change my ways.”

I pressed my lips together, trying to calm my thoughts before speaking.

It felt very unnatural. Lewis had never acted this way, always hiding behind his teasing and gruff manner.

I wanted to handle this as Elias would. Perhaps gentility rather than my usual brashness would help fix things I’d thought beyond repair.

“You deeply hurt us, Lewis. Mama should not have been forced into service.”

He bowed his head meekly. “I know it.”

“She deserves comfort after all she’s endured. Not further grief.” My throat hitched. How much had I contributed to her further grief with my attitude toward her new employment? I’d turned up my nose at her pleading to stay together.

“And you,” he said. “You deserved assemblies and dinners with our friends and suitors just like Agnes.”

I ducked my chin. “Even if you’d sent us every last farthing, we couldn’t have afforded an experience for me similar to Agnes’s.” But it was sweet of him to consider it. Was that the goodness I knew he had deep inside coming to the surface?

“You’ve all carried a weight I should have helped shoulder, but I was too afraid to face my responsibilities.”

Something in his tone hit me hard. It was so much like Elias, berating his weakness. Supporting a mother and sister was quite a lot to ask of an eighteen-year-old boy. He couldn’t really be all to blame.

He grinned. “If I promise I’ll do better, will you forgive me, May?”

For a moment, he resembled the older brother I’d toddled adoringly after, blue eyes bright and mischievous. How could I hold the past against him? We’d all fought and floundered through this new life without Papa. Some of us had borne it better than others.

“I’ll find you something sweet in the town.”

I laughed reluctantly. That had always worked when I was younger. “I will forgive you,” I said. “After all, we Byams stick together.”