Page 27

Alina

SOMETHING’S WRONG WITH RAELAN. EVER since our evening together in the greenhouse, he’s acted distant, colder now than he was when first we met. His eyes rarely meet mine, his lips remain pulled into a focused frown, and he speaks only when spoken to.

And it’s tearing me up inside—to the point where I finally grab hold of Lyra’s wrist and drag her up into our loft, where we sit cross-legged on my bed. I pull the drapes closed, then level my gaze on her.

“Okay, what’s going on?” Lyra asks, arching a brow at the closed curtains hanging from my bedposts.

Yuki was taking a nap at the foot of the bed when we intruded upon him, and he makes a huff of disapproval before yawning and jumping off the bed, then padding down the stairs, probably to go sit with Poppy in front of the fire while she studies.

“I have to tell you something,” I say .

Lyra’s brow remains quizzical. “Okay. What is it?”

I turn my words over in my head, trying to figure out how to say what I need to. But Lyra’s slept with boys before, has more experience than I can even hold a candle to. She’ll understand.

“I . . . kissed Raelan. A few times.”

Her brows arch up.

“And then he . . . touched me.”

“He touched you?” she asks.

Cheeks starting to tingle with warmth, I tell her what we did in the greenhouse and only have to shush her once when she squeals too loudly.

I was so mad at her on Samhain—perhaps unfairly so—and watching her dance with Raelan that night lit a fire beneath my skin, stoked my hunger for him until I had to act. And I know now that she did it all on purpose.

Clever fire witch.

Finally, after she’s calmed down, she asks, “Wait, why are you telling me this?”

“Because he’s acting strange now,” I say, and feel the truth of it in my stomach. Grabbing one of my pillows, I hug it to my chest. “He’s not acting like himself. And I don’t know what to do.”

Lyra purses her lips and leans back onto her hands. “And you think this has to do with that night?”

I shrug. “I don’t know. But I can only assume so. What else would cause him to become so cold toward me?”

Twirling a strand of wild red hair, Lyra considers this. “Maybe he’s afraid. ”

My brow arches. “Of what?”

“Seriously?” Lyra pushes herself up. “Of you . Of your position. You’re the princess. What’s he supposed to do? Ask the king for your hand?” She shakes her head. “I don’t know. I mean, I obviously don’t know your grandfather, but do you think he’d allow this? You to be with one of his knights?”

I want to say yes, that Grandfather would never attempt to keep me from a man I—

Love?

The word hits me with such force that I have to blink away the surprise.

I don’t love Raelan, do I? I may dream of him, and my eyes may seek him out even when I don’t mean for them to, and I might wish he were beside me every night when I fall asleep, but that doesn’t mean I love him.

My body feels drawn to him, almost like something in my magic calls to his, a connection that simmers just beneath the surface, there but intangible, a mirage or a shadow that just brushes my awareness before vanishing again.

I know I want him. I want him even more now than I did before the greenhouse. His touch was like fire, his mouth the only air I wanted to breathe.

And I thought he wanted me too.

Was I wrong?

“Well,” I start, “maybe—”

The curtains around my bed are flung open, and Maeve stands there, Poppy lingering behind her. Isis is coiled around Maeve’s throat like a necklace, the top half of her body glistening black, her underbelly more vibrant red than Lyra’s hair. It still gives me a shiver to see how casually Maeve lets the snake slither across her, but I’m trying to warm up to Isis. Yuki is still hesitant around her as well, but Juniper, like Lyra, seems fearless around the snake. Maeve has promised that Isis will do us—and Juniper—no harm, but I’m not yet convinced.

“You just need to talk to him, Alina,” Maeve says, voice taking on a firm tone. She crosses her arms and pops a hip, her vibrant purple eyes homing in on me. “Tell him exactly how you feel, and ask if he feels the same way. That’s the only way you’re going to get the truth out of him.”

I blink up at her, lips open in surprise, and she tips her head.

“You two aren’t nearly as secretive as you think you are,” she says. “Also, don’t trust Lyra’s opinions. She’s in one messy relationship after another.”

“Hey!” Lyra says.

Behind Maeve, Poppy giggles and says, “Well, it’s true.”

“Doesn’t mean you have to say it.” Lyra glares up at Maeve, and Isis hisses in response, making us both jump.

Maeve strokes a finger down Isis’s glossy black head, and the snake stops hissing and instead nestles herself into the divot at the base of Maeve’s throat. “I’m serious. You’ll drive yourself crazy trying to guess at his feelings—and besides, it’s Raelan . He’s like a block of stone. He’s good at hiding what he’s actually thinking.”

I slump my shoulders with a sigh. “I know. You’re right. It’s just...” I nibble on my lower lip, afraid of speaking the truth, of letting it take root in my heart. “What if he doesn’t feel the same way? ”

“At least then you’ll know,” Poppy says. Her voice is quiet, and she stands a few steps behind Maeve, but even she has a point.

“And then you can either get with him or move on,” Maeve finishes. “It’s the waiting and wondering that’s the worst. It’s better to know.”

“I’m with them,” Lyra says, jutting a thumb toward Maeve and Poppy. She arches a fiery brow and says, “See? I have good opinions.”

Poppy laughs, and Maeve’s lips quirk up in one corner.

“Well?” Maeve tips her head at me, glossy purple-black hair tumbling over her shoulder in a sleek waterfall. “You gonna go talk to him or what?”

I TOUCH UP MY HAIR, swipe balm over my lips, and then go to stand before the door. My roommates huddle nearby, out of sight of the door, egging me on with whispers and waving.

Near my feet, Yuki looks up at me and says, “Whatever he says, I’m always here.”

I quickly kneel and pull Yuki into a hug, burying my face in his warm fur. He smells like home, like everything I’ve ever known. “Thank you,” I whisper. “You’ll always be my favorite, you know.”

“I know.” He whines softly and nuzzles his cool snout into the crook of my neck, then pulls away.

My heart thunders in my chest as I stand and face the door again, and I have to remind myself that this is Raelan I’m about to confront. I know him—or what he’s allowed me to know, at least. He’s not a stranger. Not anymore. I can do this.

With a steadying breath, I open the door.

The air is much cooler out here than in our room, and goose bumps immediately rise along my arms. But perhaps that’s only partly because of the cold. I think the sight of Raelan is partially responsible.

He’s standing with his back to me, hands clasped behind him. His face is turned up to the stained glass window, as it often is, and when I step into the corridor, he turns his head slightly. It’s early evening, and the sun is setting. Golden light streams through the glass, limning his profile in warm yellow orange. His jaw is sharp, and I remember drawing my fingertips across his face, feeling the roughness of his stubble against my skin.

Raelan takes a visible breath, then turns fully to face me as I pull the door closed. “Your Highness.” He dips his head quickly, and it immediately sends a wave of cold anger through me.

Why is he acting like this?

“I want to talk to you,” I say, trying to keep my tone light.

Raelan straightens up. He levels his dark gaze on me. “Of course.”

When he makes no attempt to move, I gesture up the spiraling stairs toward his room. “Can we go somewhere more... private?”

As if to punctuate my point, two students come down the stairs at a quick clip, their boots thumping against the stone stairs .

“Excuse us,” one of the girls says as she slips by. Her friend glances at me, then at Raelan, and I don’t miss the way her gaze sweeps quickly up and down his sturdy frame, his broad shoulders, the sharp features of his face.

I bristle.

Then they’re both gone. And Raelan is still looking at me.

He clears his throat. “I think it’s best we stay here.”

My eyes narrow as the girls’ voices drift away down the stairwell. “Why?”

Now Raelan’s eyes slide away from mine, to look at something over my shoulder. His gaze goes faraway. “It’s not appropriate for us to be alone together, Your Highness.”

My fingers curl into fists. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

He doesn’t respond. His silence is a dagger pressing slowly into my chest.

“Raelan, look at me . That’s an order.”

Reluctantly, he draws his gaze back to mine. With the sun setting over his shoulder, his features are cast mostly into shadow, but I can see the flicker of his pupils, the way they very briefly pull into narrow slits before returning to normal.

“What’s going on? Ever since Samhain, you’ve been... different.” The heat in my chest cools for a moment, and I say more softly, “I don’t understand. Has something changed?”

Raelan takes another breath, but he doesn’t soften. If anything, the look in his dark eyes only hardens. “My behavior on Samhain was unacceptable. I apologize. I assure you, it’ll not happen again. ”

His words hit me so hard I almost double over. The dagger finds its way into my heart.

“Raelan,” I whisper, taking a step forward and reaching a hand out for him.

But he takes one crisp step back, out of my reach. His eyes don’t soften.

“Why are you being like this?” I ask.

Finally, a look of emotion brushes against his lips, his eyes. Something like heat flickers in his gaze.

“I’m being like this,” he says, voice hard, “because I must. Because we can’t keep doing the things we’ve been doing.”

“I can’t believe we’re back to this again.” I let out an incredulous laugh and shove my fingers through my hair. “We already talked about this. I thought we agreed.”

Raelan shakes his head firmly. “No. And I’ll not be talked out of it, Alina.”

My name sounds forbidden on his lips.

As I stand there in the sunset light, with Raelan just out of my reach, I’m overcome with a confusing mixture of anger and sadness and pride.

I thought he cared about me. I thought he wanted me.

But if he can pull away from me like this, deny me this way, then he doesn’t feel toward me the way I feel toward him.

And I’m just making a fool of myself.

“I-I see.”

Straightening up, I take a breath. I remind myself that I’m the princess, granddaughter to the king of Elarwyn. I can’t be seen crying in the north tower over my knight, the man whose duty it is to protect me. Especially not when he’s looking at me with such an expressionless mask while I crumble before him.

I pull myself together, at least for the moment, for as long as Raelan’s eyes are on me.

If he wants to go back to being cold acquaintances, fine. I can play this game too. Even if it rips me apart inside.

“Very well, Sir Ashvale.”

The formality in my tone makes him narrow his eyes slightly.

“I’ll be ready for dinner shortly. You can escort me to the dining hall then.”

Without giving myself another opportunity to beg him, to fall apart at his feet, I turn on my heel, step into my room, and close the door with a quiet click.

The girls—and Yuki—are lounging on the couches in the sitting room, and they all sit up and turn to me as I walk in.

“Well?” Lyra asks. “How’d it go?”

I open my mouth to tell them, thinking I can do so with some shred of dignity.

But all that comes out is a quiet squeak of, “He doesn’t want me.”

And then my eyes mist with tears, and I’m suddenly enveloped in a swath of arms. And they hold me as I cry.