Page 26 of A Winter Admire

Edwin shook his head again. He took a breath, trying to steady himself. He just needed to get hold of himself. “I’m fine.” He nodded. “I’m fine.” Perhaps if he kept repeating it, it would become true. “I promise, I’m fine.” He took a shaky step in the direction of the village.

He gazed into Sinoe’s eyes, concern shining in the silvery orbs. He couldn’t bear to see that. He looked down and froze. In Sinoe’s left hand was a blue flower. A wrin flower. A red ribbon wrapped around its stem. Just like the Solstice gifts left on his doorstep.

“What are you doing with that?”

Sinoe looked at the flower in his hand, as if just remembering it was there. “I was bringing it to your door. Sorry. I’m late today. A youngling in the valley, Liney, was sick last night. And his brother was so worried. But if I had known…” He pushed his free hand through his long white hair. “He is doing better now, and I was coming to bring it to your house. Then I came across you here. I wasn’t expecting that. And you were crying. Edwin, please, tell me why you are crying.”

“I thought it was a joke.”

“What?”

“The flower. The gifts. I thought it was a prank. I’d hoped it was you, but then… I couldn’t understand how someone like you could admire someone like me. So I thought it had to be a prank.”

“Oh, Edwin,” Sinoe said. He reached out and took Edwin’s hand in his own. “Open your palm.”

Edwin obeyed.

Almost reverently, Sinoe placed the flower in Edwin’s hand, then folded his fingers closed so the small flower lay cocooned inside.

“I remember the very first time I saw you,” Sinoe said. “I know you hate the memory, but I saw you crying, and my heart ached for you. I wanted to go to you, fold you in my arms, and take away all your pain. But I didn’t know you, and I didn’t know how you would respond to a stranger comforting you, so I just helplessly watched.”

Sinoe ran his fingers over the back of Edwin’s gloved hand, then lifted it to his lips and kissed it. Edwin sucked in a breath at the tender gesture.

“The next time I saw you was years later, just a few weeks ago,” Sinoe said, voice soft and earnest. “I recognised you immediately. You were sitting not too far from here, sketching. I watched you for half an hour. You were so intense, so focused on your task that you didn’t even notice me.” He laughed. “I was captivated.

“I wanted to get to know you more, and I tried, but you always became so flustered and nervous when I spoke to you.” Sinoe swallowed. “I wore my choker to impress you. I asked you to walk with me. But you refused and seemed so flustered and displeased with my presence. I thought perhaps I should leave you alone.” He looked down at their hands. “That maybe you didn’t like me.”

Edwin wanted to say that that was never true, but he couldn’t move his mouth to speak.

“But at the same time, you’d say things, and you seemed so happy to see me,” Sinoe said. “I didn’t understand what it meant.” Sinoe shook his head, laughing softly. “You confused me like no other.

“So I thought maybe, if I wanted to capture the heart of the shy, nervous botanist, I would need to woo you carefully and gently.

“I came to your cabin and placed the gift by your door. I caught a glimpse of you inside, all curled up on your chair under your blanket. You looked so cosy.” Sinoe gazed intensely into Edwin’s eyes. “I wanted to be in there with you, to hold you close against me in the warmth of your cabin.”

Edwin couldn’t breathe.

“It seemed to be working too. After I gifted you with the wrin flower, you started speaking to me. You asked me to walk with you.” Sinoe still held Edwin’s hand in one of his. He lifted the other and stroked Edwin’s cold cheek with his roughened thumb. “These past couple of weeks, when I’ve gotten to know you, have been the happiest for me. You seem so perfectly suited to me. Like you were made for me.”

“You think I’m suited for you?” Edwin couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “But look at you. And look at me! I’m so—”

“Perfect. You’re so perfect.” Sinoe leaned toward Edwin, so close Edwin could smell his intoxicating scent. “How can you not see it? You love the forests and mountains that I love. You’re smart, earnest, intelligent, and sweet. And you are adorable. I love listening to you talk about the different trees and berries and roots. Your eyes light up, and you become so passionate.” He let out a breath. “Sometimes, I just want to ravish you right there when you become so animated talking about plants.”

A laugh burst from Edwin’s mouth.

“I adore you, Edwin.” He squeezed Edwin’s hand.

“Truly?”

“Truly. And I don’t know why you have such a hard time believing that, but I promise you it’s true. I’ve never cared for anyone like I do you.” Then Sinoe pressed his lips softly to Edwin’s.

And with that one kiss, Edwin felt like his broken heart was being pulled back together, piece by piece until it was whole and complete. Edwin deepened the kiss, his chest close to bursting.

Sinoe broke the kiss, and Edwin whimpered at the loss. Sinoe rested his forehead against Edwin’s. The clouds of their breaths mingled in the cold night air. “As much as I’d like to stay out here kissing you, we need to get you out of this cold. Can I come back to your cabin with you?”

Edwin nodded.

ChapterTwenty