Page 16

FIFTEEN

When Jason had told Bellamy that he wanted everyone to know that he liked him, he’d meant everyone .

Including Ryland.

Which meant he had to tell him.

Right now.

Okay, maybe not right now, but tonight.

In a fluke of luck, Ryland’s team was flying in on Friday afternoon for their Saturday evening game against the Trailblazers, and they were heading to New York for their next game the following day, meaning Ryland would be in Vermont for a full forty-eight hours. And since he was attending Sheila’s birthday party for the first hour on Sunday—as was Bellamy—Jason had a very short window in which to finally tell his brother that he was dating his rival.

He’d considered telling him over the phone, but given what Ryland and Bellamy were to each other, this was a conversation best done in person, no matter how much Jason was dreading it.

Except Ryland had been avoiding him all evening, so Jason hadn’t had the chance to bring it up.

On Friday evening, Ryland arrived at the farm via Uber in time to join the family for dinner. He’d greeted everyone with hugs and enthusiasm, yet Jason had barely gotten a smile. Was Ryland mad at him? Wait, was this about the other day, when Jason had called him out on his social media post?

He’s never been first-line material for a reason.

Ryland deserved a kick in the ass for that one. It was cruel, plain and simple.

Jason watched him from the kitchen doorway, playing with Callie and Tasha in the living room. “Does Ryland seem okay to you?” he asked as Dad swept by him into the kitchen with a stack of dirty dessert plates.

“Sure. Does he not seem okay to you?”

“He’s been kind of standoffish with me all night.”

Dad followed his gaze to where Ryland was letting the girls climb all over him as though he were a human jungle gym. “Maybe he’s just tired from the flight.”

“Maybe,” Jason said, but he suspected it was more than that.

“Okay.” Brie clapped her hands once. “Say good night to Uncle Ryland, girls. It’s bedtime.”

Cue the complaining and begging for five more minutes.

“You’ve already had five more minutes,” Brie pointed out. “Three times. Come on, pack it up. It’s early to bed tonight since you’re going to be up late tomorrow for your uncle’s game.”

“Can we wear our new T-shirts to the game?” Callie asked. She and Tasha were each sporting brand-new Ryland Zervudachi number 29 Columbus jerseys, and they looked adorable in them with their big eyes and messy brown hair.

“That’s the idea,” Ryland said, ruffling their hair. “I’ll see you tomorrow. I’ll even wave to you from the ice.”

This seemed to satisfy them, and they left without further complaint, following their parents out the door.

“I should head back too.” Ryland grabbed his phone off the coffee table. “How long do you think it’ll take to get a car out here?”

“I can take you,” Jason said, straightening from his slouch against the doorjamb.

Ryland spared him a quick glance. “All the way back to Burlington? Nah, don’t sweat it. If I can’t get an Uber, I’ll call a taxi.”

But Jason was already putting on his shoes. “I don’t mind. Let’s go.”

If he was going to talk to Ryland, the hour-long drive from Maplewood to Burlington was his last chance. He couldn’t do it tomorrow—he didn’t want the news to interfere with Ryland’s game—and he wouldn’t have time to take Ryland aside the day of Sheila’s party to talk to him. By telling him now, it’d give Ryland almost a full twenty-four hours to calm down before he met Bellamy on the ice tomorrow.

Plus, after dropping Ryland off at his hotel, Jason could visit Bellamy.

As Ryland said his goodbyes to Sheila, Jason shot his dad a wish me luck look. Dad responded with a thumbs-up.

The drive started off in silence as Jason navigated out of Maplewood. It wasn’t the first time they’d sat in silence together, but it was the first time it lasted more than a few minutes. Ryland had a habit of filling empty space with chatter.

“So? What’s up?” Jason asked him, easing into conversation. “We didn’t get much time to catch up tonight. How are things in Ohio?”

“Good.” Ryland stared out the passenger-side window—not that he could see much in the dark.

Jason waited for more. Waited until he turned north on I-89, and when more didn’t come, he said, “What do you think your team’s chances are of nabbing a wild card spot in the playoffs?”

“Good.”

Frustration lacing through his veins, Jason clenched the steering wheel in two hands. “Okay, what’s going on? You’ve been avoiding me all night and now you’re being weird. Are you mad at me?”

“I don’t know,” Ryland snapped, finally taking his gaze off the passing scenery to glare at him. “Am I?”

“I have no idea. If there’s something wrong, just talk to me.”

“ If there’s something wrong? Really? You can’t think of a single thing I’d be mad about?”

Jason could, in fact, think of a single thing Ryland would be mad about. A big thing.

And by the sound of it, Ryland already knew.

But that was impossible, wasn’t it? Unless there was a Trailblazer he was friends with who’d told him?

Jason had intended to tip-toe his way into telling Ryland about them, but since Ryland already knew, he tossed that idea out the window. “You’re pissed that Bellamy and I are dating.”

Ryland’s jaw dropped and he rotated in his seat, bringing his left knee up to face him fully. “Dating? You’re dating him? What the fucking fuck? I figured you were friends, but dating ?”

“I...” Ryland hadn’t known? “I’m so confused. I thought you knew.”

“I figured you were friends, but I didn’t think you were dating.”

“How would you even know that?”

Ryland brought up an Instagram post and shoved the phone in Jason’s face.

“I’m driving, asshole,” Jason said, batting the phone away. “What is that?”

“It’s a photo of a few of the Trailblazers at a potluck. Billy Honeybun posted it.”

Jason tried to put a face to Bellamy’s teammate. He was sure he’d met Honeybun at the potluck, but for the life of him, he couldn’t remember what he looked like. Honeybun, Owen Cotton, Sandro Zanetti and their partners had hung out together for most of the potluck, and honestly, in the looks department, the three of them were kind of interchangeable. “Okay?”

“And if you zoom in right here, right between Billy Honeybun and Owen Cotton’s heads, there you and Bellamy Jordan are in the background, smiling at each other like old besties.”

Well.

Shit.

“How did the two of you even meet?” Ryland asked, the disbelief in his voice louder than Jason’s pounding heartbeat. “And more importantly, how long has this been going on?”

“About a month.”

“A month ?”

“Jesus Christ, stop yelling.”

“I’m not yelling,” Ryland screeched.

Right, so having this conversation on Vermont’s mountainous roads, in the dark, hadn’t been Jason’s best idea. He pulled over onto the shoulder and clicked on the overhead light.

Maybe he should’ve left it off. Ryland’s face was a picture of fury.

“Look, I was going to tell you?—”

“When?”

“Right now.” Jason’s own anger threatened to fill the car, but he needed a level head for this, so he pummeled it back down. “We met at The Striped Maple a few weeks ago. His grandparents live in Maplewood.”

“He’s from Maplewood?” Ryland asked, confused now.

“He grew up in Lebanon, but his grandparents recently retired to Maplewood.”

“Oh,” Ryland murmured, proving Bellamy right—Ryland didn’t know him at all.

“Trust me when I tell you that we didn’t exactly hit it off. But then we did, and... things sort of evolved from there. I was going to tell you. Tonight, actually. But you’ve been avoiding me all night, so now here we are, sitting in the dark on the side of the interstate.” Suddenly weary, Jason rested his head against the headrest and shut his eyes. “I wanted to tell you in person, which is why I haven’t said anything before now.”

“Okay, but . . . you can’t date him.”

His eyes popped open. “Excuse me?”

“You can’t date him. Obviously.”

Jason clamped his mouth shut and tried to keep in mind what his dad had said.

His initial reaction is going to be to think that you love Bellamy more than him. And that hurt is going to be couched as anger.

There was definitely anger in the mix, there was no doubt about that. But if everything Dad had said about Ryland was true, Ryland’s position in Jason’s life was currently being threatened, and he was lashing out because of it.

That didn’t mean Ryland was right, but it did make it easier for Jason to understand where he was coming from.

“Why not?” he asked simply, keeping his voice even. “Why can’t I date him?”

“Because...” Ryland sputtered for a moment, then finally reiterated, “ Because .”

“Because what?” Jason pressed. “I get it—you don’t like him. But why not? What’s so bad about him that you’ve hated him since college?”

Ryland slumped back against the passenger-side door, mouth working soundlessly.

“Was he a bully? Did he cheat on tests? Sell illegal drugs?”

“What?” Ryland waved a hand, dismissing those ideas. “No, none of that.”

“What is it, then? Why do you hate him? Why did your rivalry even start?”

“I . . . don’t really remember.”

Jason wanted to bash his head against the steering wheel.

“But you can see what’s happening, right?” Ryland sat forward. “He’s just fueling the rivalry, using you to get at me.”

The breath caught in Jason’s throat as Ryland’s words skewered through his open wounds. Ryland wouldn’t know that, of course, but the effect was the same, like being stabbed by a dozen rusty spoons.

“No,” he said firmly through gritted teeth. “He isn’t. And that’s a really shitty thing to say.”

They lapsed into a thick silence punctuated only by the drone of the engine and the occasional passing of other cars. Where did they go from here? If Ryland truly couldn’t accept Jason’s new relationship...

Would he have to break up with Bellamy? Bellamy, who just wanted somewhere to belong?

Jason so desperately wanted to give him that safe space to belong. To stop and rest his head.

He’d told himself that he wouldn’t let Ryland’s feelings get in the way of things, but now that he was sitting here with Ryland’s ire taking up all the inches between them, he didn’t know what to do. Would he be forced to choose between his brother and the man he was quickly growing to love?

His breath left him in a rush, and he rubbed his chest.

Ryland noticed and visibly deflated. “I’m sorry. I...” He swallowed hard. “I shouldn’t have said what I did. There’s no excuse.”

Jason nodded, taking the apology at face value, though it didn’t make what Ry had said sting any less.

“Especially after what happened with Dustin and Tommy.”

Ice spreading through his veins, Jason slowly turned his head to stare at Ryland. “You know about that? How?”

“Doesn’t matter,” Ryland said, and while that might be true, Jason was still curious. The only person he’d told about Dustin and Tommy was Hayworth, and Hayworth wouldn’t have said anything. Jason would stake his beech syrup on it.

“Is it serious between you and Bellamy?”

“I like to think so,” Jason croaked. “And I like to think Bellamy thinks so too.”

Ryland picked at the knee of his jeans.

Gently, Jason said, “I didn’t start dating him to hurt you.” Ryland’s gaze met his. “You’re my brother, and I love you. I’d never do anything to hurt you. When I met Bellamy, I was prepared to hate him on principle, but... he’s massively unhateable.”

“Debatable.”

“Try getting to know him. You might think differently.”

Ryland grimaced, but to his credit, he also nodded. “I can try.”

That was all Jason could ask.

Jason was telling Ryland about them today, and Bellamy was trying not to panic about that.

What he was doing was staring at his phone, waiting for the inevitable text. The breakup text. It would go something like Bel, I’m so sorry. Ryland’s not taking the news well. I think we need to take a step back from this after all.

Because obviously Jason would choose Ryland over him. That was the way things worked. Bellamy was and always had been an afterthought.

Eventually, he got fed up with his own thoughts and wandered two doors down to invite himself to Dabbs’ place.

“You don’t think that instead of jumping to conclusions, you should wait and see what Jason says?” Dabbs asked once Bellamy had given him the lowdown.

“That’s not how my brain rolls.”

“Clearly. But do you know what happens from speculating? Nothing but stress. Stop worrying and have some chips.”

Dabbs had set out a bowl of ketchup chips for them. Bellamy grimaced at them, but he ate them anyway.

They sat on the couch, feet kicked onto the coffee table, the Seattle at Vegas game playing on the television. Vegas was losing, and Bellamy was just spiteful enough to be happy about that. Of course, if they hadn’t traded him, he never would’ve met Jason, so there was that. Regardless of what happened between them, he was happy to have met him. Other than Liam, Jason was the first person he’d ever met who made him feel safe enough to let go of his insecurities, at least a little.

When Brie had mentioned the phone call from his agent... fuck. Bellamy had figured that was it. Jason would never trust him again.

It meant a lot that, given Jason’s history, he hadn’t assumed the worst of Bellamy.

Dabbs kicked him out at nine-thirty, claiming he was going to bed early, so Bellamy reluctantly said his goodbyes and took himself and the remaining bag of ketchup chips home.

Except he didn’t make it there before he noticed a figure in his driveway, walking toward a parked car.

Jason.

Oh good. He’d come to break up in person.

That was both better and worse than breaking up via text.

“Jase?”

Jason turned, and his smile, while tired, still held all of its usual warmth. “Hey. I knocked but no one answered. Figured you weren’t home.”

“I was just hanging out with Dabbs. Why didn’t you call?”

“I did. You didn’t answer.”

“Ah, shit. Sorry, I forgot that I muted it.” Dabbs had made him turn his notifications off so he didn’t jump at every ping and vibration.

“Well, either way, I’m glad I caught you. Or you caught me, I guess.” Jason brushed their lips together. “Hi.”

“Hey,” Bellamy said, every doubt fleeing with a single kiss. “Come inside. It’s cold out.”

Inside, Jason removed his coat and shoes—Bellamy had gone to Dabbs’ in his socks and hoodie—and they sat on the couch, knees pulled up and facing each other.

“Should I ask how it went?”

Jason rested his head on the back of the couch for a moment, and just when it seemed like he was finally about to speak, he snapped his mouth closed.

“Hey.” Bellamy brought him in for a hug, because honestly? He looked like he could use it. His shoulders were tense and his eyes were hurting. “We don’t have to talk about it.”

“No, it’s okay,” Jason said in his neck before straightening. “It went more or less like I expected. He tried to tell me I couldn’t date you?—”

Bellamy stiffened.

“—but when I asked why, he couldn’t give me a good reason.”

“What do you mean?”

“Exactly that,” Jason said with a shrug. “Aside from the rivalry, he didn’t have a reason, which in itself isn’t a reason unless the rivalry exists for a good one. Which it doesn’t seem to, considering he can’t remember why it started. So I told him to give you a chance. And he said he’d try.”

Ryland couldn’t remember why their rivalry had started? For fuck’s sake. Did he remember Kaitlin? Surely, he did, seeing as they’d dated throughout college. Did he remember swooping in and asking Kaitlin out just as Bellamy had been about to? Did he remember gloating every time he beat Bellamy at something—which was almost always?

Bellamy was about to say all of that to Jason but stopped himself. A decade later, did any of it matter?

“You’re not here to break up with me then?” he asked, because he needed to be sure.

“No, Bel.” Jason swept a thumb over his lips. “I’m not here to break up with you.”

“I thought he’d make you choose and that you’d pick him. I would’ve understood if you had.” Understood and accepted—he never wanted to get between the siblings—but it would’ve hurt like hell not to be chosen by this man.

“He tried,” Jason said. “But I poked holes in his logic. Sorry in advance if he’s an asshole tomorrow.”

Bellamy let out a laugh. “It’s not the first time we’ve faced each other on the ice. I’ll survive.” He sobered and asked a question he almost didn’t want an answer to. “Do you think he’ll get over it and eventually accept us?”

Jason took a minute before answering, and Bellamy would’ve sworn he lost a shred of confidence for every one of those sixty seconds.

“I think he will, though it might not be instant. Those holes I poked will make him think, but more than that—he wants me to be happy.”

A light burst to life inside Bellamy’s chest, filling him with contentment and wonder. “Do I make you happy?”

Jason’s smile was teasing. “Just a little.”

Chuckling, Bellamy placed a loud smooch on his lips.

“Speaking of happy,” Jason said as he rose. “I brought something for you that I hope will make you happy.” He grabbed a cloth bag from the hook by the door that Bellamy hadn’t noticed him bring in. Opening it, he looked inside, then quickly shut it and hung it back up. “You know what? I change my mind. You can’t have it.”

“What?” Laughing, Bellamy rose onto his knees on the couch. “Why not?”

“Because it’s silly.”

“Now you have to give it to me. I love silly things.”

Jason looked undecided when he handed it over, so Bellamy snatched it out of his hands before he could change his mind. Opening the bag, he pulled out a mint-green dragon stuffie that instantly made his heart ache.

“It’s to replace the one you lost as a kid,” Jason explained as though that wasn’t obvious. “Doodle, right? I know this one probably isn’t the same, but I saw it and thought of you.”

It wasn’t the same, not even close aside from the color. Doodle’s eyes had been green; this one’s were black. Doodle’s wings had been made of a mint-green fabric; this one had multicolored scales. Doodle had been about the size of a box of tissues held upright; this one was twice the size.

But it didn’t matter. None of it mattered.

Jason had given him back a small piece of himself he hadn’t even known to look for.

“He wasn’t lost,” Bellamy said past the lump in his throat. “I lied about that because... I don’t know. It was easier, I guess. The truth is that my dad got rid of it. He’d started dating an older woman, and the night she came over for dinner for the first time, he got rid of all of my toys because he didn’t want her to think I was a baby. I was seven or eight, I think.”

“Christ, Bellamy.” Jason groaned and held out a hand. “I didn’t mean to bring up bad memories. Give it to me, I’ll take it back.”

“No.” Bellamy hugged it to his chest. “Touch it and die.”

Jason cracked a smile as he sat back down. “You’re not sad then?”

“I’m not sad. I’m... touched. Deeply, deeply touched.” It felt like his heart had shattered and been rearranged stronger than ever. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” Jason said, and the look in his eyes...

God. Bellamy could drown in that look.

“Can I ask about your parents? You don’t have to talk about them if you don’t want to, but I am curious.”

A topic Bellamy never liked to revisit. He almost changed the subject, but then remembered what he’d been thinking earlier, about how Jason let him shed some of his insecurities, and he started talking. “My parents were off and on since before I was born. When they were on, things were... not good, but certainly less chaotic. They forgot I existed half the time, but at least I wasn’t being shuffled between them.

“When they were off, I’d get passed from one to the other faster than I could settle in, with no routine whatsoever. Two days with my mom, three with my dad, one with my mom, a whole week with my dad, then three days with my mom.” Bellamy placed Doodle 2.0 on the couch between them. “They forgot I existed then too—until it served their purposes. They’d brag about all of my small accomplishments as though me getting an A in math or cooking dinner or buying groceries with the money they left out made them the better parent, when I was the one who had to raise myself. If I didn’t cook, I didn’t eat. If I didn’t walk myself to school, I never would’ve gone. If I hadn’t figured out the bus system, I never would’ve gotten to hockey practice.”

Taking his hand, Jason ran a thumb over his palm in a gesture that was soothing and a surprising turn-on, given the subject matter being discussed. “When did your grandparents step in?”

“When I was ten. They’re my mom’s parents. I set the fire alarm off by accident when I was cooking. I didn’t know what to do, and I couldn’t reach my parents, so I called them. They asked why I was alone, which led to me telling them about life at home, and they showed up to get me the next day.”

Jason squeezed his hand, and where Bellamy feared he’d see pity in his expression, all he saw was understanding. “I’m glad you had them.”

“Me too. They’re kind of the best.”

They were kind, loving, stable, and nurturing. Everything Bellamy had needed and wanted.

Yet it didn’t make up for the first ten years of his life, and it didn’t fill the hole in his heart that told him he wasn’t enough.

“My parents finally reconciled for good a few months after I went to live with my grandparents, and they got married a few months after that. They’re still together, if you can believe it.” Bellamy tried to smile. “But they never once asked for me to come back. I think they figured it out, you know?”

“Figured what out, babe?”

Babe . If hearts could smile, his just had.

“That I was the problem.”

Jason’s hand jerked in his. “You... what? How could you possibly be the problem?”

“I don’t know. But I obviously was. They couldn’t get their shit together while I was there. But almost as soon as I left, they managed to work things out. Ergo, I was the problem.”

Jason’s horrified expression sliced right through him. “Bellamy, no?—”

“It’s okay. I accepted a long time ago that they didn’t want to keep me. Most people don’t.”

“I do,” Jason whispered brokenly. “I want to keep you.”

Bellamy sucked in a breath, his entire body tensing like it was bracing for fight or flight. “You can’t know that.”

“I know I want to keep you for right now,” Jason said, his eyes warm. “And tomorrow. And the next day. And next week. Next month. Next year. Maybe forever, if you’ll let me.”

Bellamy’s eyes burned, his nose burned, his throat burned. What was this feeling? It was akin to what he imagined it would feel like to be told he was never going to get traded again.

“I don’t know what to say,” he managed, his chest a messy jumble of emotions he couldn’t name.

“You don’t need to say anything. You just need to trust that I’ll keep this—” He tapped Bellamy on the chest, over his heart. “—safe. At least, I hope you do, eventually.”

Bellamy thought he maybe . . .

Possibly . . .

Definitely . . .

Could.

Maybe, possibly, definitely could much sooner than eventually too.