Page 36 of A Token of Blood and Betrayal (Kennedy Rain #4)

“If you’re changed, you’ll know it the moment you leave the Null.

You won’t have control of your wolf. She will take over.

You’ll shift, and you will have the undeniable need to go to the wolf who changed you.

I won’t be able to stop you without hurting you, but I’ll follow you.

Even when you turn on me, when you try to kill me, I will follow.

You’ll lead me to the werewolf, and I will slaughter him and every other being who allowed this to happen.

” He put both his hands on my waist, held my gaze.

“I will take care of you no matter what. I will help you through this. I’ll help you adjust and thrive, but most of all, I’ll do everything I can to help you stay who you are because you are the most beautiful, unselfish, and good person I’ve ever met. ”

I didn’t deserve him or his words.

“Ready?” he asked.

My eyes shut. My panic rose. I was going to be sick.

“Would it be so terrible?” Blake asked softly.

My heart thumped harder. I understood the question he wasn’t asking out loud.

Would it be so terrible to be with him? Because if I shifted, if I became a werewolf, the stalemate masquerading as peace between the paranorms would be shattered.

No one would ever believe I was a neutral werewolf.

Lehr wouldn’t threaten us because I was one of them.

I’d be on his side. Blake could be mine.

“Not all of it,” I whispered.

I couldn’t tell if my confession comforted him or if it only made the chance of us more bittersweet.

Too soon, he stepped away. Stepped backward. Stepped over the threshold and out of the Null.

I gave in to his gentle tug. Let him guide me. Let myself follow. The early-morning hush embraced me, and I became aware.

Aware of the void of magic behind me. Aware of The Rain’s walls towering above.

Aware of the deadly and dominant man holding my hand, touching my hip.

Those two points of contact were everything.

His presence enveloped me, weaved through me, kept me afloat.

I sensed dawn’s glow kissing the Appalachians’ jagged silhouette and felt the earth beneath me.

My gaze swept to the right, to the wall I’d slammed my car into, then down to the scattered and broken brick.

Dewdrops balanced on the blades of grass that weren’t crushed and destroyed.

The fresh, wild air tasted of the man holding on to me, and I had just enough strength and willpower to meet his eyes.

Eyes that held gold-edged storms.

Oh God. No.

I wasn’t okay. I was losing control. Collapsing. Imploding.

“Kennedy.”

Blake was far above the ocean’s surface. I was fathoms beneath it, buried by the weight of waves, dark waters, and an inescapable current.

“You have to breathe, baby.”

The whirlpool swept me around and around, battering my already abused and broken body.

“Just one breath. Breathe.”

I’m not okay. I’m not okay.

“You’re okay.” Blake’s arms tightened around me. “Or you will be once you breathe. And after we fix your arm. You should eat and sleep too and… Fine. Fine, maybe you’re not okay, but you’re not a werewolf.”

Blake’s tone, the quick cadence, the way his words tumbled over each other, caught my attention. He was usually cool and controlled, relaxed even while giving off vibes he could kill before your next heartbeat.

I managed to take that breath he wanted, forced myself to focus on his face.

His eyes were full gold. That’s how they’d been in the compound, far underground and in the presence of the vampire who’d given me his blood, the same vampire who’d stolen Nora away from the pack.

My mental state was affecting him again. He was barely holding it together.

“My wolf needs your heart to stop racing. You have around five seconds before—”

“I’m okay?” I held his gaze and managed another, less shallow breath. His eyes darkened ever so slightly, and the rise and fall of his chest synced with mine.

“Yes.” He tucked my hair behind my ear. “You’re still human.”

I slowed my breathing even further, helping him to do the same. The moment I’d stepped over the threshold, panic had stripped me of my logic and reason. I’d seen everything as a sign of what I didn’t want to become. I hadn’t paid attention to all the signs indicating I was still me.

“You should have led with that,” I said to Blake.

He smiled like I’d just thrown him a lifeline, like my words had tilted the world back into balance. It was genuine and warm and achingly raw, reaching the emotions I kept trying to bury. That smile… it was everything.

He pressed his forehead against mine, and the last of my fear melted away. I was human. I was safe. I was—

“Ouch.”

—still hurt.

Blake leaned back, and that smile turned apologetic. “Let’s take care of you.”

“I’m f—”

“If the word fine leaves your lips while you’re still covered in blood, I’m sending Carrie an invitation to join your sex club.”

“Functioning,” I said. “And you wouldn’t.”

His eyes, almost entirely back to their warm and alluring brown, held a teasing challenge. “I’d love for you to test that theory.”

“Uh.” Visions of unicorn underwear and a steampunk cake topper flashed through my mind. “I’ll pass this time. Because tired.”

“Yeah.” He surveyed my body, frown deepening with each small scratch, each bruise, each bloodstain until his gaze finally took in my throbbing arm.

An almost inaudible growl rumbled in his chest, and the faint edge of gold in his eyes thickened.

“Astrid is working on a stronger poultice. It might be strong enough to keep you out of the hospital.”

He started to stand.

“Wait.” I touched his hand. “I need to be in the Null.”

“You need the magic,” he said. “Not just for the poultice but for the pain. I’m numbing it as much as I can.”

“Oh.” I didn’t have my walls up. I’d normally protest his magic, but I needed it.

Needed him and a bed to sleep in. I was so tired and heavy and hurt.

I just wanted to close my eyes for the next decade.

“I don’t want Canyon to find me.”Blake’s expression darkened.

Whether that was because he was angry the fey had entrapped me or because he was still upset I was keeping the terms of our bargain from him, I wasn’t sure. Maybe it was both.

“He shows. He dies.”

Probably the first explanation.

“Blake.” I tightened my grip on his arm. Barely. My muscles felt like pudding.

“I’ve got you, Kennedy. Nothing will happen to you. No one will touch you because you are mine to protect.” The words sounded like an oath, like a promise that would never be broken.

I nodded.

He didn’t move. He stayed in front of me, and I suddenly became aware of his proximity. His mouth was only a few inches away. I’d saved him by pressing my lips to his. He could save me by doing the same now.

His eyes heated. He leaned closer.

Then he suddenly stood.

“Raj is with me,” he said quickly. “I’ll send him to help with the pain.”

He turned toward the door almost like he was fleeing. Running away from a kiss? Why? We were outside the Null. He knew exactly what I was feeling—

The pain surged back, sharp and deep and debilitating. I doubled over, struggling to breathe. It was too much to handle on my own. I barely heard Blake call for Raj. Barely noticed when Raj stepped outside.

“Shit.” He knelt in front of me. Reached for my uninjured arm.

I tensed and withdrew, my heart rate spiking, my mind shouting an alarm repeating werewolf, werewolf, werewolf.

Raj’s mouth pinched shut. “Blake told me to watch you. He trusts me. You’re safe, but you’re… in a lot of pain. May I help?”

Jaw clenched, I nodded.

Raj gently touched my hand. It didn’t do anything at first. Maybe because I was still tense? Still cautious?

“You do have strong walls,” Raj said.

“Practice.” My body flushed with a cold sweat. “Logic. Every interaction with a paranorm is influenced by magic.”

“More like skepticism. If you want help—”

“I know,” I said between clenched teeth. Let the walls down. Let the wolf in.

Gradually, my lungs were able to expand more. The pain-induced nausea lessened. But the hurt and the heaviness wouldn’t loosen its grip. I was too torn up and broken for real relief.

My eyes drifted shut. “You don’t help as much as Blake.”

“There’s a reason for that,” Raj muttered.

I tried to force my lids open a crack. “Because he’s dominant.”

“I wish.” Another mutter, lower this time. Rough. Like the words tasted bitter.

“You’re annoyed he…” My muddled brain couldn’t grasp the rest of what I’d wanted to say. I tried to focus harder, tried to keep myself conscious. Just tried to be aware.

Pretty sure I lost the battle. I sank into a dream where I didn’t hurt.

A place where I was actually safe and almost comfortable.

Almost cozy. And it was strange because Nora was there instead of Raj, and her voice was easy?

Friendly? Casually cool? Whatever it was, I’d never heard that kind of tone from her.

Sparse words began to make sense. They strung together into phrases. Then into full sentences. And finally into a conversation that made some sort of sense.

“Astrid had the coven help her create it,” Nora said. “Should be more powerful. And I brought this.”

“She doesn’t need more vampire blood.” A growl from Blake that had all the logic of a dream. Witches don’t create vampire blood.

“She might,” Nora said.

“She was nearly turned—”

“I know. The poultice will fight the infection, speed up healing, and you’re doing what you can.”

“It’s not enough.”

“That’s why I brought the blood,” she said. “As weak as she is, it’s a risk, especially since she drank from Jared earlier—”

“She doesn’t need the blood!”

My dream-body felt the power behind his words, but it didn’t scare me. This magic was warm and secure. I was okay with drowning in it.

Time dream-skipped forward. Christian and Melissa were dragging me out of Arcuro’s compound. Or dragging me down into it? Christian had his trauma kit in hand. I was patched up like a mummy but still bleeding and hurt despite them both doing everything they could to save me.

Another dream-skip. This time, Canyon was my savior. He healed me with one wish. It was a thank-you, he said, for giving him the token and the collared djinn he held on a leash.

Skip.

“Have you contacted my father?” Nora asked.

“He knows.”

“Because you told him or he learned another way?” A long pause followed her question. Then a sigh. “You can’t love her, Blake.” Another wait for a response. “He’ll kill you, and that will kill her.”

Dream-Nora showed too much concern to be Real-Nora.

Skip.

Lehr.

He stood in front of me. Shelli’s body and the skeletons of her coven stained the ground red. I was alone among wolves, and Lehr’s expression was much too smug. My injuries weren’t a surprise. My gold eyes were expected, welcomed even, like this had all been inevitable.

He shook his head in mock sadness, his face flickering into Arcuro’s, then back to his own so quickly I almost didn’t catch it.

Dream-me was stupid. She did the worst thing she could have. She ran from a werewolf, and the werewolf’s words gave chase. I warned you…